


Beyond Death is Time and Space

by PulchritudinousPain



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Babies, Empress Rey, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Legal Drama, Love, Love Triangles, Redeemed Ben Solo, Romance, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 56,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25107805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PulchritudinousPain/pseuds/PulchritudinousPain
Summary: Post-Rise of Skywalker AU FicBen Solo died on Exegol during the final battle, but Rey still feels the tenuous strain of their dyad bond, and an unsettling of her very nature.Love triangle, romance, existential drama.
Relationships: Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Part 1 Finn: Fireworks

The celebrations of the previous night were still winding down on Ajan Kloss, though the sun was starting to rise.

Several bodies lay sprawled next to a dying fire, bottles of grog strewn about, the Resistance fighters having partied well into the night, pleased with their victory over the Final Order the day before. Others stumbled around the camp, sneaking from their comrade’s quarters back to their own, trying to avoid being seen doing the walk of shame after what had obviously been a wild and enjoyable night.

Finn ran purposefully across the campsite to Poe’s shelter and shook him awake.

Poe grumbled and sat up, the covers falling to reveal he’d slept nude. Finn raised an eyebrow at his friend.

“You gonna cover your junk, man?” Finn said.

“Do you want me to cover my junk?” Poe asked, salaciously.

Finn rolled his eyes and threw Poe some coveralls. “Knock that off. There’s something wrong with Rey.”

Poe dressed and the two men made their way to her quarters.

“Look at her. She’s feverish.”

Poe leaned over a restlessly sleeping Rey, placing the back of his hand on her forehead. He touched his own, then tried Rey’s again and nodded to Finn.

“She’s been through a lot, Finn,” Poe replied. “She nearly died, from what she told us. I still can’t get over the fact that Kylo Ren brought her back from the dead. Kylo Ren!”

“Ben Solo, according to Rey, though I don’t believe it,” Finn mused. “Last I saw of that bastard was him beating Rey down on the wreck of the deathstar on Kef Bir. I don’t buy that he had a sudden change of heart. That monster was relentless. It just doesn’t gel.”

“Yeah, but why would Kylo Ren want to save Rey?”

“He’s obsessed with her. It’s sick. I don’t know. I don’t think we’ll ever really understand what happened on the surface on Exegol. People getting resurrected and dying left and right. I mean, I thought I felt Rey fall, but I didn’t feel her rise. I was as surprised as anyone when she showed up here after the battle,” Finn said. “I assumed her lost in the ruins.”

“You think something’s happened to her to make her sick? An infection maybe?” Poe pondered.

“There’s something...I can’t put my finger on it. Whatever is happening to Rey, I can’t make it out clearly. I was starting to get pretty good with my force intuition too, but it’s weird now. There used to be such an ominous darkness everywhere. Now, it’s like the ocean after a storm. The waves are starting to quell, but there’s still debris strewn everywhere. The war may be over, but the force isn’t peaceful just yet, as far as I can tell. All I can tell you is I’m glad the Sith Emperor is dead, even if I’m having trouble adjusting, and can’t quite figure out how to help Rey.”

“I’m glad we won too, and your “ground raid” was instrumental in that,” Poe replied, putting his hand on Finn’s shoulder. “We destroyed the Last Order, and now we can all get on with our lives.”

“Yeah, all of us, if Rey makes it. I’m really worried about her. She doesn’t look right,” Finn observed. “Her skin is pale. Real sickly looking.”

“I think she was probably running on adrenaline, just to get back to us. Now the fight’s over, her body is just trying to come down from it all. I’ve been there. She’ll be fine with a few good night’s sleep, I’m sure,” Poe clapped his friend on the back.

Rey twitched as she slept, still fighting the battle in her dreams. Suddenly she opened her eyes and screamed, force lightening blasting from her fingertips, setting the ceiling on fire. Her body, arched from the tension, fell back to the bed as she lapsed back into unconsciousness.

“Rey!” yelled Finn, who rushed to her side, scooped her up and pulled her a safe distance from the fire. An old R2 unit ambled in and extinguished the fire.

“Ben,” Rey mumbled, rousing slightly before resting her head against Finn’s shoulder and falling back asleep.

“Well, that’s just fucked up,” Poe observed.

***

“ _We’re a dyad in the force, Rey. Two that are one.”_

“ _Stand together, die together.”_

“ _The life force of your bond. A dyad in the force. A power like life itself, unseen for generations. The power of two restores the one true emperor. Look what you have made.”_

“ _I am all the Sith.”_

“ _And I am all the Jedi.”_

“ _Ben.”_

Rey sat upright, blinking in the morning haze, and assessed her surroundings. This wasn’t her bunk. Where was she?

Rey stumbled out of the tent, raising her hands to shade her eyes from the sun. She was only next door to her own quarters, the smell of burning wafting on the breeze. She wandered over to have a look, seeing the scorch marks above her bed. What the hell had happened here?

“Hey,” Finn’s voice called from behind her. “Glad to see you’re up.”

“What happened?” Rey asked, gesturing at the wreckage that was her living space.

“You had a nightmare. Kind of exploded the place,” Finn explained. “I got you out of there before you caught on fire. I was looking out for you. You looked really ill.”

Rey nodded, solemnly. “I was back on Exegol. Fighting the Emperor.”

“I figured. You were kind of mumbling in your sleep too. Look, I’m here if there’s anything you need to get off your chest, right?” Finn offered. “I got you, Rey.”

“Thanks, Finn. You’re a good friend.” _Kill_ _him, kill_ _the Jedi._

“Hey, have you been crying? Your eyes look red,” Finn observed.

“It’s nothing,” Rey avoided looking at Finn.

“Rey, you called out for Ben,” Finn probed. “What’s up with that?”

“Ben’s dead,” Rey said, solemnly. “What’s it to you if I call out his name?”

“I don’t understand why you’d waste your thoughts on a guy who was essentially your stalker, I guess, not while I’m here for you,” Finn replied, the hurt evident in his voice.

“Thanks, Finn. I...I think I need some time alone though. I need to get my head straight. There are...voices.”

“You mean like the Jedi you said you heard?” Finn said. “The ones that helped you defeat the emperor?”

“Umm, yeah. It’s a lot to get used to,” Rey said, evasively.

“Okay, but I was just about to get some breakfast. I’d love it if you joined me,” Finn said.

Rey shook her head. “Maybe later.”

Rey entered her burned out quarters and hunted for a mirror. She studied her eyes. They were still brown, but when she blinked, she swore for a split second she saw a flash of red and yellow around the irises. Only a flash, and it was gone. “I must be losing my mind,” Rey muttered.


	2. Friendships

Rey hiked through the forest of Ajan Kloss, Leia’s lightsaber in hand, Luke’s tucked into her belt. She needed to get away from the group at the camp site, who’s enduring celebratory mood was grating her nerves incessantly.

Over the last few days, Finn had kept hovering around her, asking her questions that she didn’t want to answer and it was getting under her skin. She needed to blow off some steam with some physical exertion.

Finn was all of a sudden so interested in becoming a Jedi, claiming he’d had some kind of awakening during the battle. He wanted her to train him. She did sense the force in him, and there would be no one else available to train him, so Rey supposed she should try. It’s what Leia would have wanted, she supposed. Luke she wasn’t so sure would be thrilled with the prospect, knowing how badly it could go awry, and she knew he’d think it full of self-importance to presume the Jedi should control the force. It would be like the blind leading the blind, and Rey wasn’t really looking forward to putting herself in a position of leadership, not when the Jedi texts claimed that training an adult to be a Jedi could be fraught with danger. It was one thing to be the last Jedi and stand up to the last of the Sith, it was another to begin a new generation entirely. Rey didn’t feel stable enough in herself to take on that position of power, not since Exogol. Not since she’d been offered the Sith throne and rejected it. She wasn’t sure any position of power should be presumed by herself.

It was more than that, though. Lately Finn kept complimenting her and making excuses to touch her. A brush of the hand here, a hug that lingered just a little too long there. It made Rey feel just slightly out of her depth and awkward. Finn had become like a brother to her. They had fought side by side, which brings with it a bond of camaraderie, but as far as any kind of romantic feeling went, Rey just couldn’t reciprocate. She tried to brush it off as nothing, but when some of the other girls who had shown interest in Finn, like Rose and Jannah, had started making catty remarks she knew she couldn’t ignore it. Finn had a crush on her. She’d have to address it eventually but for now she was hiking to avoid him.

Then there were the dreams. The pervasive repetitive nightmares that reminded her that she was inexorably linked to Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, the split personality psychopath who had both hunted her down and saved her life on multiple occasions, claiming some mystical bond between them. He called it a dyad. She couldn’t deny it. They were linked. She’d felt it thrum throughout her entire being. She and Ben had been constantly arguing over who would turn who to the light side or the dark. That fight was over now, the link between them severed. Rey had beaten Kylo Ren and Ben Solo had faded into nothing before her very eyes. Rey swore that as he disappeared, she could hear him promise, “I’ll always be with you.” It made it very awkward whenever Finn tried to make advances. Like she was cheating on a ghost, not that there had ever been anything romantic between her and Ben, really. Only a kiss.

Rey reflexively touched her lips. It was only a kiss.

Still, without him, she felt a profound emptiness. Where her cells used to thrum, there was now a strain, a tension on the point of breakage. If she gave into it, she was sure she’d start crying and never stop, such was the physical pain of the loss.

Rey heard a rustling in the wood, and ignited the lightsaber in preparation. It was just a native animal grazing. Rey withdrew the blade and walked towards it slowly, her hand outstretched in order to pat it, but as she neared, the animal reared up and took off at a gallop.

Rey reached out with the force and with a twist of her hand, snapped the beast’s neck. She stared at it for a moment, almost disbelieving that it was she that had killed the graceful creature. She then shouldered the carcass, hauling it back to the campsite. The beast would be enough to feed them all, at least, that’s how she planned to justify what she’d done.

***

“How’re you coming along with the reading?” Rey asked Finn, ducking her head under the wing of the fighter Finn was shaded under, the Jedi texts strewn around him, open at various places.

Finn threw his hands up in the air. “Oh my god, the bits on self control, fascinating!” he exclaimed.

“Really?” Rey scrunched up her face, skeptically.

“Of course not!” Finn laughed. “Where’s the fun in that? Teaching self-control to a virile young man.”

He stood, moving in closer to Rey, trapping her between his body and the chassis of the fighter. He gave her a lingering gaze and said, “I’m not sure how committed I am to the idea of no attachments either, especially when you’re around, Rey.”

Rey turned her head, avoiding his gaze. “Finn,” she shook her head.

“Just give me something, Rey,” Finn begged. “Something to hope for. I know you’re not ready now, but I could wait.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Finn,” Rey answered. “Your friendship means so much to me. I don’t want to mess that up.”

“How can you mess up a friendship by growing it into something more, Rey?.”

Rey’s heart fell. Finn would not take a hint. She wanted to say, “Because I don’t think it could grow. Because my heart is broken and barren and full of pain. Because I don’t want you the way you want me and I’d end up resenting you for trapping me in a relationship I don’t want to be in, suffering knowing I can never reciprocate and having you pressing me for what I can’t give every day. That’s why. Know your place, Finn, as a friend and nothing more. Give me space to love you as a friend and you’ll get more love from me than if you force it,” but she couldn’t. She couldn’t hurt him like that. So she remained silent.

She was already frustrated with herself for not holding firm and giving in to training him, but now he was taking every opportunity he could to make increasingly overt advances. Rose would happily have him in a second, yet he kept chasing something that she knew was a hopeless case. He was so bad at reading women, she could almost pity him if she weren’t so frustrated at his refusal to back off. She could fend him off a while longer. The message that they were no more than friends had to sink in eventually, she thought.

“You should keep reading. We’ll train with the lightsabers we have later, and tomorrow we’ll fly to Ilum to the Crystal Cave so we can get you a Kyber Crystal and you can make your own.”

“Sounds perfect,” Finn replied. “It’s a date.”

Rey closed her eyes and had to physically stifle a groan. She felt an anger rise in her and when she opened her eyes again, she forced her mouth into the semblance of a smile and replied, “It’s a plan,” before ducking back under the fighter’s wing and storming off into the forest once more.

***

“Rey, hey Rey, wait up!” Poe was crashing through the forest about as gracefully as a newborn nerf in his rush to catch up to her. She’d been running at full pace to relieve her pent up anger at Finn, but slowed and watched Poe struggle over the flora to reach her.

Rey smirked. Poe was definitely more at home in a cockpit. “What’s up, General?” she asked.

“Still getting used to that,” Poe grinned. “I just wanted to catch you and have a chat before I head out tomorrow.”

“Uh huh,” Rey nodded. She took a seat on a fallen log and gestured for Poe to join her.

“I wanted to talk to you about the new mission, Rey. We’re going to be flying out to most of the planets in the galaxy, trying to reform some semblance of a new Republic now that the First Order, Final Order, whatever are out of the picture.”

“And you want me to come along?” Rey supposed. “I’ll have to put off training Finn, but I’m more than happy to...”

“Actually, Rey, now don’t take this the wrong way, because have been a really valuable ally in all of this, but what I need is for you to stand down.” Poe clasped his hands together and leaned forward on his knees and waited for her response.

“I don’t understand,” Rey said, slowly.

“It’s all politics, I’m sorry. The general feeling is that defeat of the Final Order was achieved by the people, Rey. We couldn’t have done it without Lando bringing back up. These ordinary people are feeling empowered right now, and we want to ride the crest of that wave to bring about a new sense of hope. This is the first time in memorable history that there hasn’t been a shadow cast over it by the threat of the dark side of the force, and…”

“You think people will feel threatened by me because of my force powers?” Rey scoffed. “I’m on your side!”

Poe choked on his words, mouth gaping as he fumbled to explain himself. “I just think that maybe it’s better if you stay behind for now. Let the people find their own leadership.”

“The people? The people? Poe, do you think I’m going to challenge _you_ for leadership?” Rey probed.

Poe gulped.

“I could take it from you, you know,” Rey whispered darkly. “You and Finn. It would be easy.”

Rey blinked, seeming to snap out of a haze. Poe looked at her, wide eyed and worried.

“But I’ve never wanted that,” Rey rushed. “You know that. All I ever wanted was to know where I fit in. Thanks for fucking clearing that up.”

Rey stood and turned. Poe grabbed her by the hand, staying her.

“Rey,” he implored. “Your place is with us. You’re our friend. But you’re a Jedi too. Jedi are peacekeepers and we’re in peacetime now.”

“So I’m no longer necessary,” Rey snorted. “Job done, thanks a lot, fuck off?”

“You’re getting this all twisted,” Poe exclaimed, ruffling his hand through his hair. “Rey, I wish I could tell you where you’re meant to belong now, but there aren’t any trained Jedi left but you. Maybe your path is find more of the Jedi, and to train them, as Luke Skywalker started to when he was a lone Jedi before Kylo Ren burned down his temple. Maybe you need to rebuild that temple. I believe you have that capability. You’re doing a great job with Finn. Maybe you should just keep that going while the rest of us work on the Republic. Just because I don’t want you on this mission doesn’t mean I don’t want us on the same side. We’ll always be friends and allies.”

“I see you’ve got my whole future planned out for me,” Rey snarled. “I’m glad my path is so clear to you, oh great General Dameron.”

“Leadership is about encouraging the potential in the people around you, Rey. If that’s not what you see for yourself, you don’t have to take my advice. I just think you’d be amazing doing that. Please, don’t be mad over a suggestion.”

Rey pursed her lips, but then tersely nodded her head. “Of course.”

“Can I get a hug, in case I don’t see you again before tomorrow? Finn told me you’re flying out early,” Poe said.

Rey acquiesced, easing into the hug the longer Poe held it. “I’m going to miss you, Poe,” she sniffed, a tear falling from her eye. “You’re alright.”

“Yeah. Likewise,” Poe nodded, wiping her face for her. He turned and started to stomp back through the forest.

“Hey, Poe,” Rey called. “May the force be with you.”

He chuckled and gave her a two-finger salute in response.


	3. Kyber Crystals

“Ben,” Rey whispered, her eyelids fluttering in deep sleep. She let out a low moan.

A clattering noise startled her awake.

“Sorry,” Finn apologised. “I was just coming to wake you for our trip. I didn’t mean to disturb your nice dream about your psychopath.” Finn looked sour.

“It wasn’t a nice dream,” Rey pouted. Finn wouldn’t get it, either way, Rey thought. He couldn’t understand why she dreamed of Ben at all, not understanding the dyad they were bonded by, and he seemed to refuse to acknowledge the possibility that Rey could be grieving him. To Finn, Ben would always be Kylo Ren, villain. Rey knew better, but she didn’t care to explain. The only other living soul who had seen Ben Solo’s return had be Emperor Palapatine, and he was cast to the wind, obliterated by force lightening. She wasn’t going to expend her energy trying to convince people that Ben was a good man in the end, who refused to consider it a possibility.

Finn was lingering and Rey suddenly realised that he wasn’t prepared to leave while she got out of bed, and she was only wearing a shirt with no pants.

“I’ll be out in a minute, once I’m dressed,” Rey asserted. “You can wait outside.”

“Oh, right, yeah,” Finn cleared his throat and left Rey’s quarters.

Rey soon emerged fully clothed, staff in hand.

“We’ll have to borrow a tandem star-fighter,” Rey pronounced. “The X-Wing can only fit one.”

“Already lined one up with Poe,” Finn replied. “It’s this way.”

He led her through the camp-site to a beaten up star-fighter.

“Are you sure this thing will fly?” Rey asked. “It looks like it took a fair bit of damage. Scorch marks here, see?” She pointed to the electrical burns on the hull of the craft.

“Engine’s still solid,” Finn replied. “Poe gave it the all-clear.”

“I’d still like to do some checks,” Rey said, diving into the cockpit and releasing a panel at the side of the vehicle. She examined the internals of the engine, twisting a few connections here and there to make sure the contact points were solid. She then did a walk-around of the outside of the vehicle, checking flaps and any rough areas that had taken damage. She tried to ignore Finn’s gaze as it followed her, and eventually she looked up, catching him eyeing her. He didn’t seem remotely perturbed that she knew he was staring. She furrowed her brow and frowned at him.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Rey admitted. “Let’s go.”

Finn tried to make small talk, as they flew to Ilum.

“So, what were you like as a kid?” he asked. “Have many friends?”

“Only one or two. Mashra and Ivano were kind. I was lucky they employed me when I was younger, and they showed me the ropes. It helped later on when I had to fend for myself. I doubt Unkar Plutt would have invested so much time in my training. He never really seemed to care if I starved, only if I got the goods,” Rey confided.

“Sounds rough,” Finn acknowledged. “The one good thing I could say about the First Order, is that they kept their troops fed. Wanted us strong, you know. Easier to squish the little people under your boot that way.”

“Don’t I know it,” Rey snorted.

They flew in silence for some time, before Finn suggested some music.

“There’s no music in a fighter jet,” Rey laughed.

“No, but I can sing,” Finn smiled. He began to sing her a melodic song.

It made her smile. “Where did you learn that?” she asked, intrigued by this hidden talent.

“They used to pipe it through the barracks to lull us to sleep when we were children. I wish I could say my mother used to sing it to me, but you know, that’s just a childhood I was never meant to have.”

“Of course,” Rey said, solemnly. “How old were you when the First Order took you?”

“I was an infant,” Finn answered.

“I was four when I was left on Jakku,” Rey offered. “I know what that’s like.”

“Yeah, but now you know why, right? Your parents were trying to protect you,” Finn said.

“They died to protect me,” Rey said, sadly. “I’m glad I know that now, but I’m sad I never got to know anything else about them.”

“I wonder if my parents even put up a fight for me,” Finn shrugged. “Or if they just laid down and let the First Order have me.”

“What would you have preferred them do?” Rey asked.

“Part of me hopes they didn’t fight,” Finn admitted. “I hope they were cowards enough to save themselves.”

“They would have fought if they were anything like you, Finn,” Rey answered honestly. “I don’t believe they ever would have given you up if they had any other choice.”

“Then they’re probably dead, and I don’t want to admit that,” Finn confessed.

“Then don’t,” Rey said. “If you want to hold onto hope, then you hold on. Hope is a good thing, and no good thing ever truly dies.”

“Is that in one of the Jedi texts?” Finn asked. “I haven’t got to that part yet.”

Rey laughed. “Those books were so dry, I honestly can’t remember. Probably. It sounds like something a force ghost would say.”

Finn grinned at Rey. She looked at him quizzically. “What?”

“Your turn,” he challenged. “What’re you going to sing to me?”

“Oh, no,” Rey laughed. “I don’t sing. Besides, I don’t know any songs.”

“What?” Finn gasped. “Not even one?”

Rey shook her head. “Not a single one.”

“Girl, we’re fixing that, right now. I’m gonna teach you everything I know.”

Rey beamed. For the first time since the end of the war, she actually felt like she was back in the company of her friend, not just someone vying to be her lover. Maybe this trip wasn’t going to be so bad after all, she thought.

***

Rey parked the fighter on Ilum at the entrance to the Crystal Cave. The Jedi texts had provided a map to the location, but Rey could feel the energy this place emitted.

“Do you feel it?” she asked Finn. He nodded. “You’ll have to use that feeling to find the right crystal for you. Every Jedi youngling used to be sent here to find their own crystal. It’s a very individual process, very personal. We should probably split up and do it alone.”

“You don’t want to do it together?” Finn frowned.

“No,” Rey answered, searching her feelings. “My path lies a different way.” She mused for a minute on that revelation, like she had always known it to be true, but had never verbalised it. “Besides, it’ll be faster if we split up.”

“If you think that’s best, master,” Finn shrugged, disappointed.

“Don’t...no master title for me, Finn,” Rey waved him off. “I’m just helping you find your way forward for a while. I don’t deserve the rank of Jedi Master.”

“Seriously? After what you did?” Finn exclaimed.

“My training is still incomplete, Finn. I’m learning as you are. I just got a head start, that’s all, and a little help from Luke and Leia. I can teach you what I know, but as for what I don’t know, we’ll both have to figure that out as it comes to us.” Rey plunged on forth into the crystal cave, lighting Leia’s lightsaber to help her see the way forward. Behind her, Finn lit Luke’s. They picked their way over the rocky terrain, through the caverns, avoiding the stalagmites and stalactites as they went.

“I think we have to squeeze through this corridor,” Rey suggested, before starting to squeeze through a narrow opening.

“Uh, Rey, I’m not going to make it through there,” Finn pointed out. “That thing’s probably only good to fit younglings and impossibly skinny women. I couldn’t even get a thigh through there.”

“Ahh,” Rey agreed, stopping half-way. She raised her palms and closed her eyes. “You keep heading straight. There’s a deposit of kyber crystals up ahead that might suit you. I need to go this way though. I can feel it’s my path.”

“Okay,” Finn agreed. “But watch your step, okay? I won’t be able to get to you if something goes wrong.”

“Understood,” Rey replied, shimmying along the corridor.

At the end of the corridor, the cave opened into a wide cavern. There was a large column in the centre of the cavern that appeared to have been carved ornately by Jedi of the past. It seemed so out of place in this space that was nothing but mineral and dust, a relic of a bygone era. Rey went to touch it, to run her fingers over the intricate patterns, but she held back, her fingers hovering an inch from the surface. She could feel the force emanating from it. It was powerful, to be revered, not sullied by touch. A temple.

She carried on through the cavern, feeling her way forward as much as seeing, allowing the force to guide her. She came upon a wall that had been obviously rich in kyber crystals in the past, the rubble remains of the scrabble to remove the crystals heaped at the bottom of it. Rey passed it by. Her crystal was not to be found among the rubble. Her crystal was something rare and precious.

She leaped over several chasms, and slid down a slant in the cave floor until she came to a bend. She felt her way along the wall, the clay underneath her fingertips crumbling easily to the touch. She continued until the clay hardened and hummed. She ran her fingers around the edge of the hard material, clawing at it with her fingertips, digging and pulling until it freed from the wall. She threw it to the ground with a heave and the compacted dirt split, revealing the crystal inside. Rey beamed. This was her crystal. Hers alone.

She tucked it into her satchel and made her way back through the crystal cave. At the corridor, she called out for Finn. He yelled back, saying he was making his way back to the entrance, and for her to come up. He’d already gotten his crystal and beaten her to it. Back at the fighter he proudly showed Rey his spoils.

“Beautiful, huh?” he said, happily. “This thing’s gonna shine the brightest blue you ever saw.”

“You bet,” Rey smiled. She offered up her crystal for examination.

“Huh,” Finn puffed.

“What?”

“Mine’s better,” Finn asserted. “This one isn’t even one of the good colours. What’s that supposed to say if you’re not blue for a good warrior, when everyone knows you were the warrior who defeated the Sith Emperor?”

“Shut up,” Rey said, pushing him playfully. “It’s unique. It’ll say I’m unique. Let’s go back to the base.”

***

“Where do you think you’ll go from here?” Finn asked on the flight back to Ajan Kloss.

“Maybe Tatooine. I want to put Luke and Leia’s lightsabers to rest,” Rey said. “But I’m going to have to finish my own one first.”

“Really, why? You could use those sabers to train other people you know.”

“I know. Poe suggested that too. But don’t you ever get that feeling that you’ve just, I don’t know, evolved beyond your previous circumstances? That it’s time for something new and different?” Rey wondered.

“C’mon. Look at who you’re talking to,” Finn gestured to himself. “Former storm-trooper turned rebel bad-ass. And now Jedi in training. I’m the freakin’ king of reinventing myself.”

Rey smiled. It was true. Finn had been through a remarkable amount of change. She admired him greatly. She knew he admired her too. The way he looked at her. She knew he would follow her anywhere, and that was exactly why she was determined to leave Ajan Kloss on her own, and figure out for herself who she truly wanted to be.

***

Rey tinkered with the lightsaber in the camp workshop, adjusting the kyber crystal, setting it into it’s moulding, before closing the chamber and rotating the starting mechanism. Green and blue lights flashed on the handle that she had moulded to resemble her quarter staff for the familiar grip, but the plasma blade refused to be produced from the shaft. She sighed and flicked the rotating gear back to neutral, before tossing it on the bench in frustration.

“Can’t get it up, huh?” Finn asked, rounding the corner with a steaming mug of soup. “Mine never fails.” He gave Rey a cheeky wink.

Rey rolled her eyes and shook her head, extending her hands for the food gratefully.

“Ugh, Finn. There’s something blocking the crystal from forming the blade,” she said. “It’s structurally sound. The mechanism should work. I don’t get it. I’ve been working on this thing for a goddamn week, and it’s going nowhere. I’m stuck.”

“I know. That’s kind of why I came to talk to you, you being stuck,” Finn replied. “Rey, the Resistance has all but cleared out. We’re moving on. There’s no more reason to stay here, no Final Order to fight. People are going home to their families, or, like Poe, taking up new projects and assignments. Me...I was going to go and look for any leads to my parents. I was hoping you’d come with me.”

“Oh,” Rey picked at her fingers nervously.

“Rey, you know how I feel about you,” Finn confessed. “You know I’d do anything to help you.”

“I can help myself, Finn,” Rey muttered. “I don’t need you running after me whenever I have a battle to fight or rushing to me every time I have a nightmare. In fact, the amount of time you’ve spent around me while I’m sleeping is more than I’m comfortable with. It doesn’t help me to have nightmares to wake to also find my personal space intruded on, no matter how well meaning you are.”

“I’m not saying you can’t take care of yourself, Rey. You’ve more than proven that,” Finn flustered. “Rey, Don’t you see? I’m trying to be your boyfriend. I’m trying to tell you that I want you to be my girlfriend. I want us to be together, to travel together. I don’t want to part.”

Rey’s heart sank and she let out an audible sigh. “Finn, you know I love you…”

“But,” Finn nodded, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Rey whispered. “But.”

“You don’t have to say anything else,” Finn added. “Poe was right. You’d rather be hung up on a guy who’s evil or dead than me. I gotta cut this off, before it hurts any more than it already does. I...wish I didn’t want to be more than your friend, Rey, because this sucks. I wish I didn’t feel this connection to you. I hate being able to feel you through the force when you won’t let me near you. It’s cruel. I hope you’ll be happy, but I really think you’re going to be real lonely, especially if you can’t appreciate the good that’s right in front of you, the person who would have always, always come running to you when you wanted or needed them. Enjoy the soup, Rey, and have a nice life.”

Rey reached out a hand, but Finn was already gone. He wasn’t wrong. She pined for Ben Solo. She dreamed of him every night. She knew Finn had heard her cry out Ben’s name in the night. He felt the disturbance within her through the force. He tried to comfort her, tried to fill the need. She didn’t want anyone else to fill that void in her, lest she forget Ben. She clung to her emptiness. It reminded her of the connection she had shared, a connection that couldn’t be compared with any other. She knew it wasn’t healthy, this heartache. Maybe that’s why her lightsaber refused to work. Kyber crystals were emotionally intuitive. Her weapon was as broken as she was. It didn’t matter anyway. What was there left to fight for?


	4. Part 2 The Dyad: Half-way to Heaven or Hell

“ _With your hatred you will take my life, and you will ascend.”_

“ _Your master, Luke Skywalker was saved by his father. The only family you have here is me.”_

“ _Ben.”_

Rey groaned, rousing from yet another nightmare. Every nightmare, every single one, ended with a single utterance of his name that lingered on her lips, palate and tongue, a kiss, and then he was gone, slipped through her fingers, and she was alone once more.

She couldn’t keep having these nightmares. Rey needed closure. There hadn’t even been a funeral. No one to mourn Ben Solo. No one but her.

There was no body. Nothing to burn. Nothing to bury.

She’d walked away from Exegol empty handed, empty inside, and come back to the Resistance camp expecting that emptiness to be replaced by something else, but it hadn’t been. The ache persisted.

There was one thing she could do. She could lay flowers at the place where he died. She could say goodbye and make her peace.

She wandered through the forest of Ajan Kloss, gathering wildflowers into a posy, before packing up her quarters. She tucked her lightsaber into her belt. If she could properly grieve, maybe it would start working for her, she reasoned. She also clipped on both Luke and Leia’s sabers. Better to be overarmed than sorry, she thought.

There was no one left to say goodbye to in the Resistance base. They’d all cleared out over time. Finn was one of the last to leave, and it hadn’t been on good terms. The others had all been in such good cheer after the victory. She’d felt so...other...to all she was surrounded by with her mixed emotions. It was easier to keep to the forest than socialise, but she’d heard the whispers about her. They all thought she had been acting strangely. Rey never was good at hiding her emotions. It was hardly her fault that no one could understand that she’d suffered loss with their victory. Everyone mourned all the Resistance fighters who had fallen collectively, and Rey did too, but she had her own personal grief to deal with and it felt immense when she carried it alone. No one mourned the bad guy. No one but her. She couldn’t even talk about it.

The base had become more peaceful the more the Resistance had cleared out and for a time she’d simply wanted to stay. She’d had enough adventure and just wanted to keep steady for a while, but the only constant is change, and others had changed around her by leaving her behind. She wasn’t going to get any more peace on Ajan Kloss than she had already found, and it still wasn’t enough to quell the nightmares.

She arranged herself in the cockpit of Luke’s X-Wing Fighter, tapped at the way-finder, still plugged into the dash from the war, and headed off to Exegol in search of peace.

***

Rey enjoyed the flight, piloting at least giving her something to concentrate on to keep her mind off all the thoughts that never seemed to stop rushing through her head these days, but now that she was here on Exegol, a feeling of ominous foreboding overcame her.

She picked her way through the ruins, covering her face with her wrap. There was a stench of decay here. The Sith Eternal, the followers of the Emperor, had all been decimated here. Their rotting flesh laying where it fell.

Rey came to the throne room. She stepped up to the throne and ran her fingers over it. It was cracked and jagged in places, the imposing majesty of it blasted away as the Emperor had fallen.

“ _Long have I waited for my granddaughter to come home. I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here, Empress Palpatine.”_ That is what the Emperor had said to her.

Empress Palpatine. Rey didn’t know what possessed her, but she stepped up to the throne and sat down. This was the place of the ruler of the Sith to occupy. It had been intended for her by the Emperor. But the Sith were dead, the loyalists to the Sith were dead. All that remained was her. Heir apparent to a dead empire.

She frowned and descended from the throne. That was never what she had wanted. She’d only ever wanted the power to save her friends, to defeat the dark side of the force that she had been afraid was both around her and within her.

Kylo Ren had recognised her darkness, the inherent evil of the Palpatine bloodline that tainted her. He’d wanted to exploit it. He’d wanted for them to work together to overthrow the Emperor. It’s time to let old things die, Kylo Ren had said. Well, the old things were certainly dead now, she thought, and she stood alone.

Now she was utterly alone.

She had fought off Kylo Ren, and Ben Solo had taken his stead.

She and Ben Solo had faced the Emperor as Jedi, and unwittingly brought him back to power with the life force of their dyad bond, then it had nearly cost both of them their lives to defeat the emperor at full power.

She stood still, but only at Ben Solo’s expense, he having sacrificed himself for her in healing her.

She knew she should honour Ben’s memory by carrying on the Jedi way, the way of the light side of the force that he returned to, the way that he had saved her with. Yet, here in this dark place, she hesitated, turning back to the throne, the unoccupied throne, her throne. Her fingers extended, twitching, feeling out a remnant of something hidden, something dark. She rolled her fingers into a fist, denying it’s sensation.

Kylo Ren was dead, and Ben Solo along with him. The Sith, the Jedi, all quiet too. All dead.

Both the light and the dark were still, yet she was in turmoil. If this was what balance in the force felt like, she didn’t want it. It felt so hollow, so purposeless, so lonely and forsaken.

She was back to being that lonely girl who waited on Jakku, except now there was no one to wait for. She’d lost everyone that had any importance to the story of who she was or what purpose she had.

Now she was just Rey.

She stepped forward to the place where Ben had passed, where they had been side by side at the last. She laid the flowers down.

“I hated you to begin with, you know,” she said, a smile flittering across her mouth. “You were beautiful and terrifying all at once. “You know I can take whatever I want,” that’s what you said to me.

You have no idea how frightening that statement is to a woman who’s been kidnapped and bound. But then you were almost gentle. You found and took my deepest feelings and fears and dreams. Even in my terror, you connected with me. “Don’t be afraid,” you said. “I feel it too.” And you did. You saw me, you felt me. This dyad, this connection, Ben, it was there from the start, even when I hated you, feared you, wanted to save you. Then you saved me. You saved me and then you left. What am I supposed to do now? Huh? All that time warring with each other and all we got was a moment. Do you think I could ever be satisfied with just a moment?”

Silence.

Ben Solo wasn’t here. Why would he be? Rey had been wrong to come to Exegol. There would be no peace in such a dark place.

“ _At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island.”_ Rey could almost hear the words, a memory, a dream, whispered deep and close to her ear. Maybe she should go back to the island for guidance. Seek out the mystical place of the Jedi, at the hermitage on Ahch-To. Perhaps the Jedi would commune with her there once more. Perhaps there was more peace to be found in a place of balance in the force.

***

Rey landed the fighter on Ahch-To near the remains of Kylo Ren’s burnt out ship. She wandered over the landscape to where the Jedi temple used to be. For a small island, it sure had suffered a lot of fire damage. She kicked at the ashes with her boot, before taking a seat on the ground.

“Now would be a really good time to show up, if you’re going to,” she called out to the Jedi. Perhaps Luke Skywalker would come. After all, this was his last home. Plus he owed her after sending her off to her near demise.

There was no response.

A couple of Lanai shuffled past her, giving her sideways glances.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to break anything,” Rey promised. Rey had fallen out of favour with the native inhabitants during her previous visits due to her destructive tendencies. As the caretakers of the island, Rey could hardly blame them for resenting her for creating so much more work for them.

Rey watched the Lanai go over the hill, before swiveling on the spot and standing. What she saw nearly made her fall back down again.

“Ben,” Rey breathed. “How?” Her eyes roved over him. He looked exactly the same as the day he died, though his wounds were healed. “I thought you were dead. How are you here? How did you find me?”

“This is the island in your dreams, isn’t it, Rey? The island I saw in your mind?” Ben asked.

“You remembered,” Rey smiled. She rushed to him, tried to wrap her arms around him, but they fell through space unimpeded.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” he said. “This is only a projection of my consciousness.”

“I don’t care,” Rey replied. “You’re alive, that’s enough.”

Rey felt a surge of happiness where the void in her had been.

“Where are you?” Rey asked.

“Trapped,” Ben replied.

“Tell me where. I’ll come get you,” Rey promised.

“No. Forget me.”

“What? Why?”

“I have nothing to offer you,” Ben said.

“I don’t care. I never wanted anything you ever tried to offer me except your hand, Ben. Surely you know that?”

“I know.”

“Then why did you save me if it wasn’t to be with me?”

“I saved you so that I could redeem myself, Rey. It’s what my mother would have wanted. Saving you was the only good thing I’d done since turning to the dark side. It’s all I cared about. I didn’t care what happened to me.”

“You don’t want me to save you like you saved me?”

“Rey…” a pained look crossed Ben’s face. “You already saved me.”

“Ben, don’t you feel it? The power of the dyad. The power as strong as life itself, Palpatine said. We’re two that are one. You told me that yourself, or at least Kylo Ren did. How can I leave you trapped when I feel the pull of a power like that?”

“That power died with Palpatine, Rey. He took it from us,” Ben pointed out.

“No,” Rey shook her head. “No. I took it back when I killed him. I took it back for both of us. That’s how you were able to crawl out of that chasm Palpatine threw you down. I brought you back and you brought me back. It’s what we do for each other. We save each other. I know you still feel it. You feel it like I do.”

“I do,” Ben admitted.

“Then why are you so afraid?” Rey asked.

Ben cocked his head, eyeing Rey suspiciously. “What else did you take from Palpatine?”

“Nothing. Nothing,” Rey stammered.

“No, Rey,” Ben shook his head. He looked at her intently. “You’re changed. What are you?” He reached out his hand, sensing the force in her. He withdrew his hand sharply. “That can’t be. You shouldn’t exist.”

“What are you saying?” Rey cried.

“Go to the mirror cave, Rey. You’ll see.” Ben turned and walked away, vanishing as he did so.

“Ben,” Rey called out after him. “BEN!”

Rey, frustrated and infuriated, stomped down the hillside to the mirror cave. She hesitated at the entrance. Last time this place had given her no answers. She had wanted to know about her parents, but all it had shown her were reflections of herself. There was no hint of her Palpatine heritage. It was like the dark side wanted to blind her purposefully. What could it possibly reveal to her now? She had claimed her Jedi right, she had the support of the Jedi in defeating Palpatine. The dark side meant nothing to her now.

Or so she told herself.

She paused at the entrance to the cave. What did Ben see that she could not and why did he have that pitying look in those beautiful brown eyes?

She stepped forward, lowering herself with the force, anticipating and avoiding the cold rush of water from the lake at the bottom. She picked her way through the cave, to the place where she had seen her previous vision. She placed her palm on the mirror, the cloudiness cleared to reveal her own face.

“Not again,” Rey sighed.

The mirror Rey cleared more, revealing a dark hood and silver skin. “Don’t be afraid of what you are,” it whispered. Rey, taken aback, pulled out her lightsaber. The mirror image did too. Rey heard something behind her, a second mirror image, lightsaber drawn, with her in the center. She flicked the switch on the handle, the two mirror images lighting their plasma blades, one blue, one red. Her own still did not ignite.

“What is this?” Rey asked.

“Don’t you know, Rey?” the blue bladed reflection said. “We are the two halves of the one whole. We are you.”

“Both of you?” Rey pressed.

“You were meant to fight for the Jedi. Strike Palpatine down and end the Sith to save all,” the blue bladed image spoke.

“Foolish Jedi,” the red bladed copy replied. “The Sith cannot be undone by striking them down. By destroying the Emperor, you have inherited his legacy, Empress Palpatine.”

“No,” Rey breathed.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” the blue bladed image said. “The Jedi knew this. The Sith were supposed to die in you.”

“You used me,” Rey gulped. A single tear rolled down Rey’s cheek. “You wanted me to die. Did Luke know? Did he know when he convinced me to face the Emperor that you all wanted me dead?”

“The Jedi needed you to fight,” the blue bladed image said. “There was no other choice. Rey, you chose your path. You also reached out to the Jedi. The dyad had been broken. Ben Solo was incapacitated. You fought well, but in fighting the dark side, it was also your undoing, as was the Emperor’s plan. There was no way to win without sacrificing your life.”

“I know,” Rey responded dolefully. “I was willing. I just didn’t know it was intentionally the Jedi’s plan to sacrifice me.”

“It was. We had not reckoned on the power of the dyad. We had not reckoned on Ben Solo and his determination to save you. It was our mistake.”

“I don’t know what I am now,” Rey said. “Am I Jedi still?”

“Yes,” replied the blue bladed image. “But now you are something more.”

“Yes,” replied the red bladed image. “Now you are something more.”

“Killing the Emperor made me all the Sith,” Rey understood, “And the Jedi made me all the Jedi.”

“You exist both at once,” both reflections told. “The first of your kind.”

“How is this possible?” Rey asked.

“It is not meant to be possible. It was Ben Solo who gave his life force to ensure your continued existence. You could not have lived without him, should not have lived without him. Your mortal form could not have contained both the Jedi and the Sith, the light and the dark without the resurrecting power of the dyad,” the red bladed reflection told her. “The power is unstable now, isn’t it? You feel it?”

“The nightmares,” Rey whispered. “The voices in my head?” A tear rolled down her cheek. “Where is Ben? He said he is trapped. I have to save him,” Rey said. “I need him.”

“He is in the World Between Worlds, the Netherworld of Unbeing,” the blue bladed reflection said. “It is a resting place for Jedi who have become one with the force.”

“How do I bring him back?” Rey pleaded.

“You have the power of all that came before you at your fingertips,” both reflections replied. “You simply must embrace your true nature.”

Rey focused, feeling the power of the light and the dark, pulling it from the island that surrounded her, from the darkness beyond the mirror cave. Rey’s lightsaber ignited, emanating a gold blade.

Rey smirked, feeling the power of the force flowing through her cleanly, coursing through the kyber crystal. “Oh, yeah. Now we’re talking.” She spun the lightsaber with a flick of her wrist and turned it off and holstered it in one fluid motion. “How do I get there?”

“You must visit the Jedi Temple on the Planet Lothal,” the blue bladed reflection told her. “You will need a key. Do not worry about your Sith component preventing your entry though, Rey. The Jedi are with you, always.”

***

Rey stepped up to Luke’s X-Wing and pulled back the hatch to enter.

“Rey,” the force projection of Ben called. She turned to address him. “You know what you are now, don’t you?”

“I’m nothing for you to fear, Ben. I won’t be like the emperor. You see that in me too, right?”

“Promise?”

Rey arranged her face as seriously as she could, and locked eyes with Ben. “I promise.”

“I’m sorry I made you this way, Rey. If I’d known…”

“You wouldn’t have saved me?” Rey said. “You’re still my hero, Ben. I’m glad you saved my life. I’m going to return the favour.”

“You intend to find me no matter what I say, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Rey replied. “You would do the same.”

“I don’t deserve it,” Ben answered. “You know I don’t. After everything I did, becoming one with the force should be my end.”

“It’s not about whether you deserve it or not, Ben. It’s about what I can and can’t live with. I can’t leave you trapped there, knowing I can help you. I can’t live with this ache of being separated from you by realms. I’m going to pull you out. I know that’s selfish of me, but after everything I’ve done, everything I’ve become, I think I deserve it. I think I deserve to have you with me in this realm.”

Ben stared at her. Rey felt exposed, her raw need on show, but she knew she was barely holding it together. The dyad that connected them was pulled taught, to breaking point, and if she didn’t close the distance between them she feared she would snap. “Come get me,” Ben challenged.

Rey grinned and her chest heaved with the release of a breath she didn’t even realise she had been holding. “I’m on my way.”

Rey fired up the X-Wing and sped to the planet of Lothal. It was a desert planet, barely inhabited. The Jedi temple was located far from the cities that did exist. There was evidence that there had been a temple there some time ago, but the place was long deserted now. All that remained were some symbols on the ground and the thrum of the force calling to Rey like a beacon.

Rey settled the X-Wing down away from the symbols. She felt out with the force and pulled from the ground a large spire of rock, the earth heaving and shaking all around her. At the base of the spire was an ornate painting of three figures, the Mortis Gods, surrounded by Lothal wolves. Upon the figure of the daughter god was perched a bird, a Convor. The figures were all surrounded by concentric circles with lines that needed to be aligned just so for the gateway to the Netherworld of Unbeing to be opened. Rey raised her hand to cover the hand of the daughter figure of the painting. She gave it a slight nudge with the force, and the painting started to move. The daughter figure turned to the father figure, who pointed to the son. Rey smiled with smug satisfaction at her force key working on the painting. She watched as the wolves of the painting started to move and howl. They led her away from the painting to a far blank space on the rock spire, where they began to run, forming a circular gateway. Rey touched the gateway. Her hand went through the solid rock and into the Netherworld of Unbeing as her reflection in the mirror cave had told her it would.

“I’m coming for you, Ben,” she announced.

Rey stepped through the portal and stumbled a little as she exited at speed. Her jaw dropped as she took in the vastness of what lay before her. An unending darkness, smattered with stars as vast as the galaxy itself. At her feet was a translucent pathway. She walked forward, and as she did so, voices of the Jedi of the past echoed around her. Rey shivered, then steeled herself. She came across a circular portal and stepped up to it, hoping that she would see some hint of where Ben would be. An image flickered before her. It was of a small green Jedi, talking to a young Luke Skywalker. “Luminous beings we are. Not this crude matter.” Matter didn’t matter at all in this place, Rey observed. Nothing was tangible, yet it was all real to her, powered entirely by the force alone.

She continued to walk along the pathway until she came to a divergence. “How am I supposed to know which way to go?” Rey thought. There was nothing to orient herself in this place. All of time and space occurred simultaneously, accessible only through the portals. She stepped up to another. In the portal appeared a legion of storm troopers preparing for battle. “Never again,” muttered Rey.

She heard a soft cooing sound and looked up to her left. There flew a convor, like the one in the painting, eyeing her curiously. It perched on top of the portal.

“Hello,” Rey said. “What are you doing here?”

The bird flew away, but landed on the next portal. Rey followed, but just as she neared the portal the bird took off again.

“Hey, wait!” Rey called. The bird cooed in response, but didn’t slow down. Rey ran to keep up with it, dashing past dozens of portals. It was odd, but in the expanse of this place, Rey felt no fatigue in her body, no matter how far she ran. Her footfalls left no impact on the ground. No jarring occurred through her body. It was like she was made of nothingness, surrounded by nothingness. There was no pain here. She felt free.

Eventually the bird stopped on an unassuming looking portal.

“What’s different about this one?” she asked the bird, knowing that it couldn’t possibly respond. She stepped up to it. The image flickered. It wasn’t steady like the others, like it wasn’t permanent. Rey soon saw why. The image was of her, but it wasn’t her past. It was her future. She was sitting on a bed, nursing an infant. A toddler crowded over the baby, poking at it’s soft cheek. “Be gentle, sweetheart,” the image of Rey instructed. “He’s your brother. You must look after him and be kind.” The image of Rey looked up and spoke to a person Rey could not see. “I’m so happy,” she cried, tears rolling down her face. “I’m so tired, but I’m so happy. Can you please take the kids while I rest?”

The image flickered black, and then the sequence repeated. Rey watched it through again and again, mesmerised.

“Do you see now why I wanted you to forget me?” a voice murmured from behind her. Rey jumped and spun around quickly to find Ben standing solemnly behind her.

“Ben,” Rey beamed. “You’re here! I honestly didn’t think I would find you in this place when I saw how huge it is. How did you find me?”

“The bird showed me here too.”

“So you’ve seen it? My future?” Rey asked.

“Yes. I want you to be happy, Rey, but that future is in jeopardy. See how it flickers. As long as you hold on to the idea of me, it’ll never come to pass, of that I’m sure.”

“How are you here, Ben? I thought you died. I saw you vanish.”

“I did die. When I lost my physical self I communed with the Force and I was given a choice. Because I had sacrificed my life to save yours, Rey, I could have become a Force Ghost, or, I could come here, to the World Between Worlds, a place with access to all of time and space. I have to admit, it was my curiosity that got the better of me and trapped me here. Who could pass up on all of time and space? Also, I found I could see you through the portals. I eventually figured out how to project my image through the portals, but because I don’t have a body anymore, I couldn’t leave through them.”

“That’s how you found me on the island,” Rey understood.

“I found you on Exegol, but I had trouble projecting my image. I could only push the suggestion of the island, but you followed it, and you found me. Yes.”

“But you didn’t want me to come here.”

“You belong with your rebellion. I have no place left in that world.”

“No, Ben.” Rey shook her head. “The rebellion don’t want me. They all moved on. The Jedi, the Sith, they have no place in the galaxy anymore. Balance has been restored and I’m just a remnant. Destined to always be alone.”

“But the portal...you make a family, Rey.”

“That’s only one possible future. It doesn’t even matter. Someone recently said to me that I’ll never be happy if I can’t see the good that’s right in front of me. I’m not going to hold out on a flickering image. I’m here to get you, Ben, whatever the consequences of that may be. I owe you that much.”

“Where could I go, Rey? Where would I not be vilified for what I’ve done,” Ben argued.

“You could come back with me to Ahch-To. Jedi belong there. You belong there.”

“With you?” Ben asked, softly.

“Until we figure out something better. There’s plenty of food there from the native wildlife and there’s plenty of shelter. The Lanai keep to themselves for the most part. It could be comfortable.”

“So, we’d be living separately on the island, but you’d be there with me?”

“You’d be safe from bounty hunters. Very few people know of the planet’s coordinates. The Resistance were only interested in it because of Luke Skywalker, and since he passed, there’s nothing to draw them there. There’s not even any Jedi to come to the temple since it burned down.”

“Alright,” Ben agreed. “But, Rey, you will be there on the island with me? You’ll stay?”

“Yes,” Rey said. “Did I not say? I plan to make it my home.”

Ben breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll go with you, but you realise, I’m giving up all of time and space for you.”

Rey blinked, wondering if Ben was joking, but he didn’t seem the joking type in her experience. “You don’t want to come? You’d really rather be dead?”

Ben snorted a laugh. “I might come, Rey. It is infuriating to be able to see all there is or could be but have no impact on any of it, but I won’t, not unless you say why you’re really here.”

“I want to save you,” Rey said. “I want to save your life like you saved mine.”

“That’s not it, Rey. This isn’t some altruistic endeavour. Tell me why you’re really here.”

Ben moved closer to Rey, not touching her, but letting her into the intimate space between their bodies. He felt a quelling of the force in her, and knew she felt it too. The tautness of their dyad bond slackened, and Rey eased.

“I need you,” she whispered. The words felt too overwhelming to say out loud. She stared at the translucent pathway and the stars beyond, too frightened to see Ben’s reaction to her confession, fearing rejection.

Ben said nothing. He simply took her hand and began walking with her to the entrance portal.

Rey looked up at him, but his expression was stoic, and gave nothing of his feelings away. She felt calm, holding his hand, his long fingers tapered around the back of her hand until they almost enveloped it entirely.

They walked for a time, in silence. Rey began plying Ben with questions about everything he’d seen in the portals while he had been in the World Between Worlds. He told her about seeing the rise of the early Jedi, the formation of the Jedi Order, the wars with the Sith. Endless destruction and devastation throughout the ages.

“It’s miserable viewing,” Ben said, “when you’re forced to see all the lost lives. The hardest thing about it was I thought the First Order was bringing peace and order to the galaxy. I was acting with riotousness when I turned to the dark side. It was only when I was brought back to the light that I fully realised what I’d done. This place, it’s not heaven, it’s a shrine to mistakes of the past, so that we can learn what not to do. I’ve learned what not to do.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Rey told him.

Back at the entrance portal, the Lothar wolves began to run in a circle, opening the channel between dimensions.

“Shall we go through together?” Rey suggested. Ben squeezed her hand. Rey gave Ben a reassuring smile and he nodded at her, indicating his readiness to leave with her. They stepped through the portal, leaving the endless tapestry of stars behind.

Rey and Ben rematerialised back on the surface of Lothar, tumbling through and falling apart from each other. Rey dusted herself off and stepped up to Ben.

“Are you?” she started.

Ben patted himself down. “Solid? Yeah, and now covered in dirt. Great.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “I really didn’t know if that was going to work.”

“What’s the worst that could have happened?” Ben shrugged. “I was already dead.”

The pair walked up to Luke’s X-Wing. Rey paused. “I should put the temple back where I got it,” she said, before burying the spire back in the desert sand with the force, the seal inscriptions reforming in place.

“Impressive,” Ben remarked. He turned to get into the jet. “Ah.”

“What?” Rey asked.

“You didn’t think to bring a two-seater?”

“Fuck.” Rey covered her mouth with her hand. “This was all I had.”

“What happened to my Command Shuttle, Rey?” Ben asked, irately.

Rey smiled nervously.

“Rey?” Ben growled.

“It may or may not have caught on fire,” she grimaced, nervously.

“I give my life for you and you trash my ride,” Ben huffed.

“To be fair, I trashed it before you gave your life for me, so…”

“So we’re stuck with this archaic water-damaged piece of junk. Fine. I’m driving. You can sit in my lap.”

Rey flushed red.

Ben smirked, amused by her embarrassment. “Scared you’ll like it, Rey?”

“Shut up,” Rey glared.

The pair arranged themselves in the cockpit as best they could, Rey’s legs curled awkwardly against the glass cabin, as Ben took the X-Wing into orbit. In the close proximity, Rey could feel the heat coming off of Ben’s body and smell the salty musk of his skin. She shifted awkwardly in his lap, trying to rearrange her arms in a way where her shoulder didn’t dig into the muscle of his chest, but she just ended up with her face practically in his neck, his hair tickling her face.

“Sorry,” she fumbled.

“Don’t be,” Ben said. “Relax.”

Rey tried to get comfortable, but being in such close proximity in such a tight space was making her heart race. She was sure Ben could feel the pounding through her chest as she was pressed up against him. Like a gentleman, he said nothing, other than to ask her to shift slightly half-way through the journey to allow the circulation to his leg to re-flow.

Rey felt so flummoxed by the time they arrived back on Ahch-To that she pointed Ben to a vacant cabin and took off for the cliffs to go fishing for dinner, so that she wouldn’t have to face him for the rest of the afternoon.

***

Rey poked at the fish frying on the campfire and then flipped both fillets over. She sat back on her stone seat and looked over at Ben, his dark eyes watching her.  
  


“I can’t imagine what it must be like,” she said. “Being back from the dead.”

“Mmm,” Ben murmured.

“Well, I mean, I can, but I was only gone for like, a second before you brought me back. I didn’t commune with the force or anything.”

“Uh hmm.”

Rey looked around her desperately for inspiration on how to carry on a conversation with this man. She had to admit to herself, they’d barely ever talked in the time they’d known each other. They conversed more in screams and shouts and the clash of weapons than actual dialogue.

Ben snorted, a twinkle of amusement in his eye.

Rey rubbed her neck nervously. Ben just continued to watch her, still, stoic.

“It’s nice here,” Rey offered. “I like the smell of the ocean. It’s fresh, clean, you know? Not like Jakku. There’s fresh springwater from up on the mountaintop too, as well as the well. It’s nicer water to drink. I’ll show you where tomorrow.”

Ben nodded.

“Where did you grow up?” Rey asked, desperately grasping for small talk.

“Chandrila,” Ben answered.

“What was it like?” Rey asked.

“Developed. Big skyscrapers. It’s where my mother worked in the Senate after the war. There were forests and beaches there though. Dad used to take me.” Ben paused, lost in the memory for a moment. A smile briefly flitted across his lips. “Mum was always too busy. I don’t remember much. I was sent away pretty young.”

“To the Jedi temple,” Rey realised. “Something we have in common, being separated from our parents at a young age.”

“Mmm,” Ben grunted.

“Actually, there’s a lot of that going around, a lot of displaced people, a lot of orphans. My friend, Finn…” Rey’s voice trailed off, realising that Ben probably didn’t want to hear about her friends in the Resistance, particularly one he’d fought and nearly killed for being a traitor to the First Order.

The pair sat in silence for a moment, letting the weight of the statement hang in the still night air.

Rey leaned forward and scooped the fish onto plates and passed one to Ben with a fork. They ate in silence.

“Rey,” Ben started. “I never should have said you were nothing.”

Rey couldn’t meet his eye.

“That day, do you remember? I told you about your parents?”

Rey looked away, choking back the tears.

“I only said that because it’s what you believed to be true. I saw it in your mind. I assumed it was the truth, but nothing could have been more false,” Ben said solemnly.

“Ben, stop,” Rey pleaded.

“Rey, I’m sorry. It was cruel of me to use your fears against you like that,” Ben said.

“You wanted me to feel small so I’d be grateful for your charity when you offered me your hand,” Rey accused. “A great warrior pitying a pathetic, lost, lonely scavenger.”

“Not pity, Rey,” Ben denied. “I saw your potential. I believed I was the only one who did. I was offering you a way out of circumstances that were beneath your talent. I was offering you the most powerful position in the galaxy, by my side.”

“How gallant of you,” Rey spat. “Goodnight, Ben.” She swept away her things and retreated to her hut, throwing herself back onto the door before bursting into tears. What had she been thinking, bringing Ben Solo here? She barely knew the man, which made the fact that she was inexorably linked to him unbearable to suffer when he was horrible, yet it was unbearable to live without him.


	5. Co-Existence

“ _Long have I waited...for my grandchild to come home.”_

“ _You will take the throne. It is your birthright to rule here. It is in your blood.”_

“ _Your hatred, your anger, you want to kill me. That is what I want. Kill me and my spirit will pass into you, as all the Sith live in me. You will be Empress. We will be one.”_

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” screamed Rey, force lightening exploding from her body. She jolted awake, the thrust of the force arching and twisting her body, the furniture in her hut shattered around her and the door blew off it’s hinges and crashed through the hermitage courtyard, clattering into the cottage opposite.

She panted and sat up, shaking all over.  She huddled to the wall and pulled her knees to her chest. This had been the worst nightmare yet.  She could feel the darkness pulsating through her, as though her nightmare had become freshly real  and the Sith were invading her, violating her  very core .  She cradled her head in her hands and rocked.

“Rey?” Ben peered through the open doorway.

Rey hid her face from him, ashamed.

“Rey, let me help.”

“No one can help me,” Rey gasped. “It’s too late. The damage is done.”

“Let me try,” Ben said, gently.

He entered the hut, ducking under the door frame. He shifted some debris next to Rey and took a seat next to her.

He said nothing for some time, simply observing her and assessing her state. He made no sudden movements, no attempts to touch her. They sat side by side, but apart, still and quiet. Gradually Rey stopped shaking.

“I understand what you’re going through. Experiencing the dark side. I’ve been there,” Ben started.

“Ben, I’m inhabited by the Sith,” Rey said, pointedly. “Taken over by them, when all I wanted was to end them. What do I do?”

“You embrace it. Embrace what you are now and don’t be afraid. You’ve been taught to separate the dark from the light because you have been taught to fear the darkness by the Jedi. Let go of your need to refuse the dark side of the force and you’ll find peace,” Ben replied. 

“You’re trying to convert me to the dark side again,” Rey accused. “I thought you’d stop doing that once you returned to the light side of the force. I guess things don’t really change that much, do they, even in death?”

“One need not fear the dark if one is disciplined enough and just in one’s heart,” Ben quoted.

“That doesn’t sound like your words,” Rey said.

“They’re not,” Ben replied. “They were the teachings of a Jedi turned Sith.”

“Like you,” Rey said.

“Like me,” Ben agreed. “Almost, but not quite. I never reached the darkness completely, but I studied the teachings, I became an apprentice. The dark side of the force is no more evil than the light side of the force is considered good. It is the intent to which it is used that makes the difference.”

“I don’t intend to ever use the power the Sith have instilled in me. They may not have died, but I’ll make sure it doesn’t see the light of day, even if it kills me,” Rey determined.

“If you keep stifling it they way you are, Rey, it may just do that,” Ben told her. “Look around you. Look at this destruction.”

“I don’t care. I wreck things anyway.”

“You’ve got to accept what you are, Rey. You can’t be afraid of your own nature. It’ll drive you mad, believe me, I speak from experience. You just need to find what you want and channel your power in that direction.”

“You wanted power,” Rey observed. “To rule the galaxy. It was evil.”

“That was another lifetime,” Ben pointed out. “I no longer want that.”

“What do you want now?” Rey asked.

“Something uncorrupted,” Ben replied. “Something I’ve never experienced. I don’t know what that is yet. I suppose I’ll know it when I find it.”

“Where in the galaxy could you possibly find that?” Rey lamented. “Certainly not around here. Not with me. I’m possibly the most corrupted creature to have ever lived.”

“You don’t frighten me,” Ben offered. “I have been more feared and loathed than you will ever be, Rey Palpatine.”

“Don’t call me that,” Rey said, her head hanging in shame. “I’ll never take the Palpatine name. My grandfather forced too much on me already. I’ll not have that thrust upon me too.”

“Okay, Rey. But just know this, your power may be intimidating to some, but I see who you are inside and I can hold my own against you or with you, whatever you want,” Ben asserted.

Rey whispered, barely daring, “Can you hold...me?”

Rey allowed Ben to pull her into his chest, his chin resting on top of her head. She breathed in the heat rising from his body that contrasted so sharply to the cold night air rushing through the open doorway. He hushed her and soothed her quietly, until eventually Rey closed her eyes, drawn into the comfort of his steadying embrace. Soon, she fell back asleep. Ben carried Rey to his hut and placed her gently in his bed, drawing the covers over her. He lingered, examining the curve of her lips as they parted, her breathing finally slow and steady, before searching out a vacant cottage to camp in for the night. 

***

When Rey roused the following morning the sun was already high in the sky. She took a moment to orient herself, realising that she was not in her own cottage, before exiting the building. She stepped tentatively over the cobblestones, the cold stone biting her bare feet as she made her way to her disheveled home. When she arrived, Ben was reattaching the door.

“You can go in and get dressed in a second,” he told her.

“Thank you,” Rey said. “For fixing the place up. The Lanai are pretty fed up with me trashing their island.”

“You need to learn to be gentler with your things,” Ben remarked. “Not everything can be restored as easily as me.” He winked.

Rey nodded, a wry smile flitting across her lips. “On that note,” she said. “I have something that should be restored to you. As a thank you for helping me last night. You gave me comfort when I needed it. It was kind of you.”

Ben finished the door and Rey ducked inside, returning  fully dressed with three lightsabers in her hands.

“I was thinking of giving my new lightsaber a workout today. Do you fancy sparring with me?” Rey asked.

“You would offer me a weapon?” Ben asked, warily, as if suspecting a trick.

“I have your mother’s. I know she’d want you to have it. Your Uncle Luke’s too.” She pushed the lightsabers forward to him. He stepped back apprehensively, but then examined the lightsaber and relaxed.

“That’s not Luke’s. That’s my grandfather’s. Luke only borrowed it.”

“Then I guess they both belong to you now,” Rey replied.

“Thanks,” Ben replied, tucking Anakin’s lightsaber onto his belt, while wielding Leia’s. “This is the second time you’ve handed me one of these.”

“You should learn to keep better track of your things,” Rey teased. “I can’t keep looking after everything you just leave lying around.”

“I wouldn’t lose my things if you didn’t keep stealing them from me, scavenger,” Ben quipped.

“Oh-ho,” Rey postured. “It’s like that is it? Right, we’re sparring, right now.”

Ben smiled deviously and stalked  away from the hermitage to a grassed  plateau where he ignited the blue lightsaber. Rey faced him and rotated the switch on the handle of her own ,  the golden blade igniting steadily. Rey smiled confidently, the initial bugs in the lightsaber’s workings now a thing of the past.

R ey rushed at Ben with an overhand strike that he easily deflected. He shook his head.

“You fight with unfocused anger. You expend too much energy that way. Also, your footwork is sloppy,” he sighed.

“Show me,” Rey demanded. “What would you do?”

“Well, first, you have almost no defensive skills. You attack and run away. You need to learn a defensive stance to stay in the fight.” Ben stood behind Rey. He took the arm holding the lightsaber in his hand. Rey immediately tensed.

“Relax, I won’t hurt you,” Ben murmured as he ran his hand down her arm to her wrist, lifting it up in front of her. “Point your blade forward to face your opponent, angled at their chest.” Rey lifted the blade a little higher to compensate for Ben’s height. He lifted her left arm and placed the hand on the hilt of the lightsaber, before pulling his hands back along her forearms to the elbows. Rey swallowed hard, as the sensation of Ben’s soft fingertips ran over sensitive inner curve of her arm.

“Slight bend at the elbows,” he rumbled. Rey complied.

His hands trailed down to Rey’s hips, as he swiveled her with a firm guidance. Her eyes flickered up to his face, but his expression remain inscrutable.

“Hips are square to the opponent.”

He brushed her shoulders lightly, tampering them down with his fingers.

“Relax here. Tension will limit you.”

Rey all of a sudden found it very hard to capture her breath, though Ben didn’t seem to be having any problems. She could feel the warm air escaping from his mouth on the back of her neck as he spoke.

“Uh huh,” she whimpered.

He gently nudged the back of her right leg with his knee.

“Dominant foot comes forward.”

Rey blinked and nodded. She breathed heavily, trying to abate the feeling of being lightheaded.

“Both feet angled out for balance.”

Rey shifted her feet. Ben withdrew and Rey steeled herself, shaken by the sudden absence of him.

He positioned himself in front of her and redrew his lightsaber.

“Now, circle the blade around your head for momentum and then deliver a descending cut at my shoulder,” he directed. Rey followed his orders. “Now make a step forward as you come at me.”

Ben  parried the strike away and then returned with a downward blow, slowly, as to demonstrate.

“Deflect my blade with yours raised high. It will deflect mine downward and away from you,” he said, “With less strain on your wrists.”

Rey nodded, remembering the pain of their last encounter on the death star wreckage as the fatigue had almost lost her the fight.

“Step to my vulnerable side, my left, and give another full circle cut to the head,” Ben instructed, “But only step when the blade is in front of you to defend any blows you might receive.”

Rey nodded, and performed the maneuver.

“Now pivot your back foot to give yourself more distance from me and raise your blade to ward off counterattack.”

Rey did so.

“Good,” Ben nodded. “Now at full speed.”

Rey repositioned herself again and went through the motions. She was pleased she picked it up quickly.

They repeated the sequence again, except this time Ben moved away instead of parrying her initial strike and it caught her off guard. They tried a fourth time, Rey trying to focus and Ben easily deflecting her and counter-striking.

Ben praised her efforts. “Good, much better.”

Rey tapped her foot irritably and bit her lip.

“What is it?” Ben asked.

“You’re a far superior swordsman. I don’t even know the basics right. Luke wouldn’t train me and Leia hadn’t practiced herself since who knows when. I’ve always defended myself with a staff. I fight like I have the swinging power of the staff, but the lightsaber only has half the range and momentum. It throws me off. My blows are weak and sloppy,” she said, dejectedly.

“You’re still fearsome, Rey. You know that, right?” Ben said.

“You could have killed me at any time,” she pointed out.

“If I had wanted to,” he agreed.

“I wanted to kill you,” Rey admitted.

“Did you? You could have while I was unconscious after I killed Snoke. You didn’t.”

“I…” Rey gagged.

“I wanted you to join me, but you insisted on fighting,” Ben replied. “You were a pain in my ass.”

“It was for your own good,” Rey replied.

“What you thought was for my own good got me killed,” Ben pointed out. “The dark side was better for my health.”

“You don’t mean that,” Rey said. “You’re glad you turned back to the light. The force considered you redeemed and gave you a second chance.”

Rey shut off her lightsaber and took a tentative step towards Ben. She sensed an unsettling in him, but ignored it, hoping it was just the same butterflies she was feeling in her own stomach.

“Ben,” she said softly. “I’m not fighting you anymore.”

He stared at her blankly. She pushed onward, nervously, but determined, moving in close. She looked up at him, eyes imploring, “Do you still want me to take your hand?”

Ben’s face hardened, and his eyes became cold and distant.

“No.”

Ben withdrew his lightsaber  blade  and walked further up the hill towards the mountain, leaving Rey  to gaze after him,  confused and wretched  and alone . 

***

Ben didn’t come back down the mountain until nightfall. He didn’t join Rey for dinner, but waited until late before starting up a fresh campfire from the dying embers. Rey watched him from the window of her cabin. He simply stared into the flames, unmoving, expressionless. Eventually the fire died down and he went back to his cabin, not even throwing a glance in Rey’s direction, though she was sure he knew she was watching him.

That night Rey curled herself into a tiny ball in her cot. She felt diminutive,  abruptly reminded of being abandoned on Jakku as a  child . She was so confident of the bond with Ben,  and the fact that he’d held her when she’d asked him had given her reason to hope  for a positive connection ,  yet  she’d read him all wrong . All the power of the Sith and the Jedi, but when it came to flirting she had made a total  idiot of herself. A tear escaped  her eye and she wiped it away with a sniff. It had been  far  less  humiliating when she wanted him dead.  She wished she could bring herself to despise him now.  It was so much easier to hate than to feel such  rejection again.

T he next day, Rey stayed in bed. She didn’t hunt or fish. She didn’t eat. She just cried.

The day after, she ventured out and caught a glimpse of Ben on the grass where they had sparred. She turned her back and went to the cliffs to spear fish. She had an incredible urge to stab something.

The day after that Rey went for a hike to hunt for tubers for a stew she planned to make with Porg meat. She reasoned that if she kept herself active and busy she wouldn’t have to talk to Ben.

The day after that, Ben confronted her.

“Why are you staying here, Rey?” he asked angrily. “You’re obviously miserable here with me. You’ve regretted bringing me back since the first night, and we both know it. You could go. Go back to your rebellion friends.”

“This is my island, my home. I’m not going anywhere. You leave if you don’t want to be here with me,” Rey argued back.

“I can’t. I don’t have transport. Besides, where am I going to go? There’s nowhere in the galaxy I won’t be hunted. You’re free to go where ever you want.”

“Well, then you’re just going to have to learn to live with me, because I’m not going anywhere!” Rey yelled.

“I told you I don’t want you,” Ben yelled back.

“Yeah, you made yourself perfectly clear,” Rey fumed. “Rest assured, I’m under no delusions, Ben Solo. Now if you don’t mind getting out of my way…” Rey pushed past Ben, shoving him with her shoulder as she attempted to move past. His large frame refused to give way, and Rey bounced off him. She steadied herself, glared at him viciously and kept walking.

R ey felt so hot and bothered after the confrontation that she climbed her way down the rocks to where the ocean met the island. She stripped down to her undergarments and dove in the water.

“Ben Solo, who the hell does he think he is, trying to chase me off from my own fucking home,” Rey muttered to herself. “Won’t give him the satisfaction.” She strove out into the deeper water, away from the rocky incline, the coolness of water soothing her. Eventually her breathing slowed and the tension eased out of her muscles. Her pulsed lulled as she floated on her back while the gentle waves raised her up and down and the twin suns kissed her face. She felt at peace in a way that had eluded her for some time. The hollowness and mourning was gone, and her anger at Ben slowly dissipated. She wasn’t exactly happy, but she found a contentment in the nature of the island, the balance of the chaos and calm of the waves. 

As Rey righted herself to swim back to the shore, she saw the dark silhouette of Ben standing on the cliff, watching her.

It unnerved her  but b y the time she reached the shore, he had disappeared.

R ey laid on the rocks, sunbathing, until her clothing dried, and then she redressed. She walked back up to her  cabin to grab her fishing gear to catch some lunch, but when she reached the homestead, she found Ben cooking on the campfire.

“I’ve made enough for you,” he said. “As a peace offering.”

R ey accepted the fish stew silently. She spooned some into her mouth.

“This is good,” she said.

“I made a stock from the bones and some herbs on the cliff,” he said.

“Oh, is that why you were there?” Rey asked. “I thought you were spying on me.”

“I don’t need to spy on you, Rey. I can sense you,” Ben pointed out. “I did look though, to see what had you so serene after our argument.”

“You upset me, Ben. I don’t understand why you want to push me away. What did I do wrong?” Rey asked.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Rey,” Ben said.

“I wish I could believe you,” Rey replied.

“I would never lie to you,” Ben said, quietly.

R ey sensed that he was telling the truth. “Then tell me why  you’re pushing me away ,” Rey demanded.

Ben shook his head.

Rey clenched her jaw and rose to leave. “Thank you for the lunch, Ben,” she said, tersely.

“Rey,” Ben looked at her pleadingly. “Can we spar again later?”

Rey nodded and turned to head back to her cabin. She swore she could have heard Ben let out a sigh of relief.

***

Rey and Ben found a pattern of how to co-exist in relative peace. In the morning they would forage for food on separate parts of the island, combining their findings together to create something palatable for them both. After lunch they would spar.  Then they would go their separate ways again before regrouping for dinner then retiring for the night in their separate cabins.

Rey still had regular nightmares, but Ben would comfort her as he did that first night. He taught her how to channel the darker side of the force, how to come to peace with it when it struggled with the lighter side of her for expression, by using some of the less destructive powers, like Mechu-deru, the ability to manipulate inanimate and mechanical constructs. It gave Rey a hobby that appealed to her mechanical nature, tinkering to focus her energies, and was relatively safe as long as she didn’t inadvertently conjure up any assassin droids. Making things became almost meditative for her, and she poured herself into it every chance she got, but with limited supplies on the island, she soon ran out of materials and the nightmares returned. 

B en had his own methods of meditation. He practiced the art of calligraphy, creating new Jedi texts from the teachings he had learned, infusing them with the teaching of the Sith also. Ignorance of the dark side could no longer be tolerated  as i t was the Jedi’s downfall, he reasoned. Rey found the texts difficult to look at, finding them confronting and enticing simultaneously.  She preferred to keep to more practical matters, rather than academic  or mystical.

Rey enjoyed lightsaber training  with Ben  a great deal.  Over the weeks and months s he was developing dexterity and skill, and felt as though she was channeling the force easily. He still corrected her stance regularly, adjusting her posture with a gentle guiding hand, lifting her wrist to the right defensive position,  guiding her body through an attack lunge . Every time he touched her she thought her heart was going to leap out of her chest, and then she would spend the next two minutes chastising herself for not being able to control her physical responses to him. He had made his intentions clear. They were simply neighbours and sparring buddies. She would have to shove any lustful urges back down to their origin and keep them there.

Ben always seemed so collected during their sparring. He was formidable, as he always  had been , strong, swift, agile. Nothing seemed to perturb him, not when they were fighting.  He was a good teacher, and showed pleasure at her improvement, a rarely expressed emotion.  It drove Rey to work even harder, just to see that fleeting look of pride and satisfaction on his face,  that one shred of evidence that Ben’s return from the World Between Worlds was worth something to him and  bringing him back  hadn’t been a completely selfish move on Rey’s part .

W hen they weren’t in combat however, he appeared sullen, tormented. Rey didn’t want to pry,  lest she make it harder for him by making him relive it . She could imagine that  his past often played on his mind though. While Rey was off swimming in the ocean, Ben was usually off brooding somewhere. It became just the way they existed, together but separate, their secrets their own.

Then one day,  at the end of a particularly exhaustive battle, Rey managed to disarm Ben. She swept his legs out from under him and crossed the lightsabers over his throat, standing over him, gloating.

“Okay,” he conceded, beaming at her with pride. “You’ve beaten me. I’m at your mercy.”

“Tell me why,” Rey demanded. “No more secrets.”

“Why? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ben feigned.

Rey narrowed her eyes and moved the sabers closer to Ben’s throat.

“Okay, okay,” he said, defeated. “I’ll tell you why I rejected you. Tonight, by the fire.”

Rey withdrew the blades. “Damn right you will,” she smiled,  victorious . “Or I’ll keep kicking your ass until you do.”

***

T hat evening Rey sat by the fire, waiting for Ben to emerge from his c abin . She stared at the fire, entranced  by the licking flames and random bursts of sparks that leaped into the air , and didn’t even  notice Ben arrive until he placed his hand on her shoulder. Rey looked up as he sat, straddling the seat, his legs framing her. Rey’s pulse began to race. Usually Ben sat on the opposite side of the fire. Now she could feel his breath on her ear, the sweet smell of him wafting under her nose.

“Rey, just keep looking at the fire, please, and don’t interrupt me,” Ben asked. “I don’t know if I can admit this if you look at me.”

Rey nodded.

He took a deep breath, the exhale making the loose hairs around Rey’s hairline tickle her face, and then he told his story.  “When I used to pursue you, it was so we could take over the First Order together,  or  to take down Palpatine together.  It was our time to rule the galaxy, Rey. I had ambitions, I had resources. I had something to offer you. A better life,” Ben said. “ And if I’m honest with myself, I think I needed you. I thought it was too late for me to make up for what I did to my father, and I couldn’t go home, so I wanted to turn you so I wouldn’t be alone.”

“At the expense of all others,” Rey argued.

“Shhh,” Ben hushed. “Let me just say it.”

H e took another deep breath.

“I’m not pursuing you anymore, Rey. I don’t want to be that man. I can’t be. And I don’t yet know what kind of man can take the place of one who used to go by the title of Supreme Leader. I’m nothing now, I have nothing, not anymore, and I’m ashamed. I don’t want you to join me in this nothingness. That’s why I said I don’t want you to take my hand. I want you to go and live your life. I’ve taught you everything I know about the force over these past months so that you can, or written it down for you to take with you. You’ve made me so proud, Rey, but now, if freedom from me is all I have to offer you, that’s what I want you to take. Not my hand, your leave of me.” 

“How can you say that to me? Haven’t the past few months together proven to you how much you do have to offer, Ben?” Rey proclaimed, turning to capture his eyes. “We work together. This, this between us, it works.”

“You could be so much more without me. I’m holding you back. I want you to be free,” Ben pressed.

Rey protested, “Don’t you get it, Ben? I’ll never be free of you. You’ll always be with me.”

“Because of the dyad,” Ben moped. “It’s chaining you to me.”

“Because of the dyad,” Rey agreed. 

Rey tilted her head to Ben’s, touching their foreheads together for a sweet moment where they both accepted what they were. Two that were one.

“Thank you,” Rey said. “For telling me.”

Ben retreated gently and returned to his c abin . Rey continued to watch the fire, allowing him the space  to withdraw .  Now she understood his turmoil. He perceived himself degraded, rather than redeemed. Powerless when once powerful.  Little did he know, that in his confession, his vulnerability, Rey saw a strength Kylo Ren could have never possessed. Humility.


	6. Part 3 Growing Beyond: Expansion

Rey awoke the following morning to a knock on her door. She roused herself from her slumber, called out for patience while she dressed, then answered it.

Ben stood there, holding a large basket of fish.

“Oof, Ben, it’s too early for breakfast, and that’s way too much, don’t you think?” Rey said, squinting in the morning light, her hand shielding her eyes as she looked up at his face, the twin suns behind his back.

“I was thinking all night, Rey. I want you to take these and go…”

“Ben, I thought we’d sorted this out last night. I’m not going anywhere! I’m angry at you for even suggesting it.”

“You misunderstand,” Ben replied, patiently. “I want you to take them to a populated planet and trade them for seeds.”

“Seeds?”

“Yes. I think we can grow our own food here. The soil is fertile, there’s plenty of rain. It’ll be difficult with the rocky terrain, so crops of grains are probably out, but we could certainly grow vegetables and fruit,” Ben explained.

“You want to be a farmer?” Rey asked. “Isn’t that a bit of a step down from Supreme Leader?”

“It’s a step up from nothing.” Ben took Rey by the hand. “Don’t you think it’s time we stop scavenging, Rey?”

Rey gaped at him,  then flushed with anger at the insult . “ You know, just because I’m a scavenger doesn’t mean I can’t take care of things and grow them. I used to collect plants on Jakku, flowers, I’ll have you know. If I can grow a flower in a desert, I can grow food to eat, I’m sure. ”

“I just meant that growing food close to home will be better than climbing all over the island in search of it every day,” Ben pointed out. “I didn’t mean it as a criticism of you. I think it’s time we both started to grow, me included.”

Rey nodded, her indignation subsiding. “Where’d you get the basket?”

“The Lanai gave it to me,” he replied. “You’d better bring it back in one piece or they’re going to be pissed at you.”

Rey blushed. “Yeah, they really don’t like me. Seem to like you though.”

“That’s one thing I’ve got going for me, I guess,” Ben shrugged. “I’ll help you pack up the X-Wing.”

Ben put the fish in the cargo hold, his back muscles straining under the weight, flexing enticingly. Ben turned suddenly and Rey quickly averted her eyes, the blood rushing to her cheeks.

“Rey,” Ben stepped in close. She bit her lip, and looked up at him. “We’re going to need instructions along with seeds. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never had the opportunity to put down roots.”

Rey nodded, letting out the breath she’d been holding.

“Come back to me safely,” he entreated.

“Of course,” Rey promised, taken aback.

The moment hung in the air,  clinging to it like the morning dew to the grass they stood upon. Rey contemplated hugging Ben goodbye. A moment later she was in his arms, he having scooped her up  unbidden . She melted at his earnestness.

“I’ll be back soon,” she assured him.

Soon Rey was in the cockpit of the X-Wing, the fish in the cargo hold, making her way to the inner realms of the galaxy. She’d decided to go to  Chandrila,  Ben’s home planet  where he’d lived as an infant , because of the way he’d described it. She knew there were cities where she could sell her wares and get supplies, but was also a planet with natural resources, so she should be able to find seeds there.  She also wanted to satisfy her curiosity about the man she knew so very little about.

O nce on Chandrila, Rey had to enquire of passerby’s where the local markets may be. She made her way a vibrant market place in a city square. There were many stalls filled with fresh produce, vegetables, grains, meats, cheeses, bread. There were also clothing stalls. Rey looked down at her outfit. It would be nice to get something new. She and Ben had been wearing the same clothes since they landed on the island. It made for some awkwardness on laundry day, both of them wearing cast offs from the Lanai that were completely ill-fitting while their own clothes dried.  Rey looked ridiculous in what was a baby doll dress on her, and Ben had to twist his into what was essentially a loin cloth. He didn’t seem as self-conscious about it as Rey was, despite being far less covered than she. The awkwardness came from Rey recognising her own tendency to stare and trying to not be caught out at it. Additional clothing would solve the problem, she reasoned.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to afford them with one haul of fish, however,  so she dismissed it as a pipe dream . For now, her mission was the garden.

Rey wandered through the markets, taking in the sights, looking for a place to sell her fish when she heard a familiar voice call out.

“Rey? Is that you?”

Rey turned to see Rose Tico standing behind her, her arms laden with bags of shopping.

“It is you! I’d recognise that hairstyle anywhere!”

Rey marvelled, “Rose, what are you doing here?”

“Supply run for the gang. I live here now in a share house with some of the rebellion guys and girls. Do you remember Kaydel? It’s me, her and Wedge, but we’re looking for a fourth to join us. You don’t need a place do you?”

“No, thanks, Rose. I’m set. That’s really nice of you to offer though. What are you doing now the war is over?” Rey asked.

“We’re just working some pretty ordinary jobs, but it’s honest. Where have you been? No one’s seen or heard from you in months!”

Rey smiled mysteriously. “Oh, you know. Just keeping out of trouble.”

Rose said, “Seriously though. Everyone misses you. It’s this big mystery. Where did our saviour go?”

Rey shrugged. “Same place as the last one, I guess. I don’t want to bad mouth Poe, but he pretty much said my job was done, so I figured no one really wanted me around that much anymore.”

“That’s so not true, Rey! You need to call me,” Rose demanded.

“I don’t have a long range communicator,” Rey said. “Just the X-Wing radio.”

“That’s no excuse,” Rose growled. “You’re taking mine. I can get a new one.”

“I couldn’t,” Rey protested.

“I insist,” Rose pressed. “And if you don’t call me, I’m calling you.”

“Okay,” Rey agreed, taking the communicator graciously. “How’s Finn?

“Oh, he’s good, last I heard. He got this group together with Jannah and Lando for a while to try to deprogram some of the old storm-troopers that survived the final battles and try to find where the First Order had stolen them from as children. It was a mission for him, but tracking down First Order records was been pretty difficult for him. I think he’s hit a dead end now. He never did find his parents like he hoped to. Lately he’s also had this side hustle where he seems to have taken it upon himself to be some kind of law enforcement. Reckons he’s a one man Jedi council, bounty hunter type. I’m surprised Poe has allowed him to get away with it if he told you not to get involved in the new Republic’s business.”

“Poe’s spearheading the Republic now?” Rey guessed.

“Politics aren’t his thing, but he’s trying to do Leia proud by showing leadership. He’s not doing too badly. Many planets have put forward representatives for a galactic alliance and formation of the new Republic. Peace is spreading. You can almost feel the change in the air.”

“Can you?” Rey quizzed.

“Metaphorically,” Rose answered. “But I bet you really can, huh?”

“I feel the force,” Rey said. “It’s all light and dark and chaos and peace all at once.”

“Oh.”

“But there’s balance in the center of it.”

“Well that’s good,” Rose breathed a sigh of relief, but then turned up her nose. “What’s that smell?”

R ey flipped the lid of her basket. “Scalefin fish. I came here to trade, but I’ve got no idea where to sell them.”

“Oh, I can show you where,” Rose offered. “Follow me.”

“Why are you being so nice to me? We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms, did we?” Rey asked.

Rose blushed. “I’m sorry about that. I couldn’t stand the way Finn chased after you, you know. It seemed like you were leading him on and I was jealous. He never looked at me the way he looked at you. I wanted him to.”

“I never intended to lead Finn on, Rose. It’s hard being force sensitives when there are so few of us. We feel the presence of each other. It can get confusing. I never had any romantic interest in Finn though. I had hoped it would work out for the two of you once I’d left. I know you liked him.”

“It’s okay,” Rose shrugged. “We’re still friends. It’s probably for the best. People move on, you know? Now Jannah’s crushing on him and he’s totally oblivious. I’ve given him up as a hopeless case when it comes to women.”

“Do you have anyone special now?” Rey asked.

Rose shook her head. “ I’m happy though. It’s nice to just hang with my gang. Ahh, here we are.”

Rey spoke to the fishmonger, who inspected her catch. “Fresh this morning,” Rey assured him.

“Mmm, I can tell by the eyes,” the fishmonger replied. “They’ll do.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “How much?”

“One credit per fish,” he replied.

“Two,” Rey bartered.

“One and a quarter,” he returned.

“One and a half,” Rey stared him down. She knew she really didn’t have anywhere else she could take the fish, but needed the money. She considered using the Jedi mind trick to inflate the price for a moment, but the fishmonger agreed.

“Done,” he wiped his hand on his apron and shook her hand. He counted out the fish, displaying them on his racks of ice, and then counted out 150 credits and handed them to Rey.

“Thank you,” Rey replied.

“You come back next week, yes?” the fishmonger asked.

Rey nodded. She grinned at Rose and shook the credits happily.

“I’ll see you ‘round, Rey,” Rose said, giving her a quick hug. “I’ll tell everyone you’re doing well. I mean, you look well. What’s your workout routine?”

“Hiking and lightsaber training,” Rey smiled.

“Same old Rey,” Rose nodded. “Take care.”

Rey waved her off, before looking around the markets some more, making  inquiries as to where she might purchase some  vegetable seed with her newly earned credits. She got a few good leads from some market gardeners and headed to the outskirts of the city where the growers farms were located. She convinced some of them to part with their stores. Once kindly old farmer’s wife,  named Gala, agreed to part with some of her gardening books  when she called at the farm house asking for seed .

“I’ll not be needing them now, dear,” Gala said. “I haven’t looked at them in years. You just get the hang of it, watching the seasons change, the plants doing their thing.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, earnestly.

“Do you have any seed raising soil? You need good quality dirt to get them started, you know. Heavy with nutrients. You can’t just stick them in the ground and hope they’ll sprout.”

“Really?” Rey marvelled. “So much I don’t know. Where would I find some?”

“I have some compost and dirt out the back that I keep for my personal garden,” the old lady told her. “If you help me bag it up I’ll sell it to you for five credits.”

Rey shovelled the dirt into bags while the old lady talked about compost, and how Rey could make her own with scraps from her crops once they were grown for the following season.

“It helps if you have a greenhouse too,” Gala said.

“A greenhouse?”

“A building made of glass. Keeps the seedlings warm and protected whilst they soak up the sun. Then when they’re more resilient you can plant them out in the elements.”

“Oh, no. I don’t have anything like that. There’s no glass where I live to construct one either.”

“Never mind dear. Just keep them in a sheltered place to begin with. It’s not absolutely necessary. Maybe something to think about for the future.”

“The future,” Rey nodded. “Yes, the future.”

“Ahh, youth,” the old lady smiled. “Got it all ahead of you now, girl. I remember what that used to be like. The possibility, the dreams. You’re just getting started. Go on, now.”

Rey paused. “Have...have you had a happy life? Just farming? No adventures, no travel?”

The old lady gave a mischievous grin. “Who says I never had any adventures,” she replied wistfully, winking at Rey. “Once the crops are in and growing, I see the galaxy with my husband. We’re not completely tied to the land, but it affords us a certain amount of stability. I’ve loved my relatively quiet life. I wouldn’t change it.”

“I hope for that too,” Rey confided. “I hope a quiet life will be enough to satisfy…” Rey didn’t say, “Us” though she was thinking of Ben.

The old lady walked Rey to her X-Wing  carrying the books ,  while Rey lugged the bags of soil, stuffing them into the cargo hold haphazardly.

“May I call you?” Rey asked. “For advice? I just acquired a communicator.”

Gala took Rey by the hands and squeezed them. “Of course, dear. You know, you remind me of my daughter.” A saddened glaze came over Gala’s face, and she looked up at Rey with wet eyes. Rey nodded. So many had suffered loss. The expression was familiar, and no words needed to be spoken.


	7. Planting the Seeds

Rey landed the X-Wing on the plateau near the hermitage to make it easy to offload her cargo. She saw Ben stalking angrily across the land, and  he  threw open the hatch to the jet before Rey had even unbuckled her safety harness.

“What took you so long?” Ben snapped. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Rey barked back.

“Nothing…” Ben huffed. “I was worried.”

“Ben, I told you I’d be back,” Rey said gently, putting a hand on his forearm.

“You said soon,” he mumbled. “I’ve been waiting all day.”

“It just took a bit more time and effort than I expected,” Rey said, calmly. “Come and look at everything I’ve got.”

Rey showed him the supplies and the books. He spotted the communicator.

“Where did you get that?” he grumbled.

“I ran into an old friend who helped me in the marketplace,” Rey said.

“You didn’t tell him about me, did you?” Ben asked, worried.

“No,” Rey replied. “And why do you assume it was a man?”

“So it wasn’t?” he asked. “Well, good. It’s safer if no one knows I’m here,” Ben said. 

Rey replied, “I know. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were,” Ben frowned.

“I’m not going to put you in jeopardy, Ben,” Rey said. “You can trust me.”

“Don’t really have any other choice, do I?”

“This was your idea!” Rey exclaimed, incensed. “You wanted to send me off-world. Why are you acting so crazy now?”

“It’s risky,” Ben pointed out. “Every time you leave.”

“I have to able to interact with other people and you need to be able to trust me when I do that I’m not going to do anything to harm you. I’m going back next week too, to make another run. We can sell more fish and I can buy us some clothes, because you know we both need them.”

“I don’t like it. I don’t want you going again.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Rey huffed. “You can’t just keep me here under your thumb, Ben. I’m going to my cabin to read. Here,” she shoved at book angrily at Ben, the tome thudding against his torso. She cast an angry eye over Ben as she yanked open the door to her cabin. He had that mournful expression on his face he always had.

R ey threw herself down on her cot. “Some welcome home,” she grumbled to herself. “So much for new starts.”

***

Rey roused with the first sunlight peeking through her cabin window, illuminating her face. She drank some water, her stomach rumbling. She’d not eaten at all yesterday with all of her work.

She emerged from the cabin to find Ben at the campfire. “I got some eggs and thala-siren milk,” he said. “I’ve made you scrambled eggs.”

“What kind of eggs?” Rey asked.

“Porg. Don’t worry. I made sure they’re unfertilised. I’ve already eaten. They’re not that bad.”

“Thanks,” Rey said.

“It’s nothing,” Ben shrugged. “You did all that work yesterday and I didn’t even say thank you.”

“No, you didn’t,” Rey said, snippily, digging a fork into the eggs and shovelling them into her mouth. “You were really rude, Ben.”

“I know. I behaved badly,” Ben said, sadly. “I don’t have anyone but you, Rey.”

“Ben,” Rey whispered, compassionately.

“It’s hard for me, knowing you could go at any time and not look back. You’d be fine and I’d be left with nothing. I know I said I wanted you to be free, but the truth is, I was just pushing you away so it wouldn’t hurt so bad when you finally figured out you’d be better off without me and left first.”

“You think I could do that to you?”

“You’ve done it many times before,” Ben said, his jaw clenched.

“Yeah,” Rey answered. “To Kylo Ren. Not to you.”

“I’m the same person, Rey. Don’t you think I remember it all? It’s just a name.”

“That’s not true. There’s no conflict in you anymore. I don’t sense any pull toward the dark side in you.”

“Yet I am pulled to something, Rey. Can you sense what it is?” Ben asked, his dark eyes intent.

“I only feel what I’ve been feeling ever since I pulled you out of the World Between Worlds,” Rey shook her head. “Redemption. Balance. You’re not Kylo Ren. You never will be again. I’m certain of that.”

“Darkness is still in my nature,” Ben said. “As it is in yours. Don’t be fooled, Rey. There will always be the push and pull of the force.”

“But there is also light surrounding the dark,” Rey said. “In both of us. We’re coming to terms with it. It’ll take time. We don’t have to figure it out all at once.”

“The Jedi and the Sith had a thousand generations to rise and fall. I guess a few months is too little to expect to have all the answers,” Ben conceded.

“That’s right,” Rey said. “We have time, Ben. We’ll figure it out together. Don’t worry, I have no plans to go anywhere. This is my home now.”

Ben and Rey sat for a while, discussing what they’d read in the gardening books. They agreed that they’d have to find or make some tools and equipment. Rey scavenged parts from Ben’s burnt out ship to alter using mechu-deru, forming the metal into digging and raking implements. She created some shallow trays with holes for drainage to plant the seeds into and Ben set them up in a sheltered yet sunny area of the courtyard in the center of the semi-circle of cabins. He filled them with soil, and together they planted the seeds. Ben brought up a bucket of water from the well and they sprinkled the seeds lightly with water.

“We should celebrate,” Rey declared when they were finished.

“How?” Ben asked.

“The Lanai play music on those night-kelp flails. We could have a dance,” Rey declared.

“I don’t dance,” Ben said, sternly.

“Neither do I, usually, but you’ll dance with me, Ben Solo,” Rey demanded. “For I wish it.”

“Fine, I’ll ask them to play for us,” Ben conceded, grumpily. “But I’m not doing it in the day. It has to be at night, far from the fire, where no one can see me.”

Rey snorted. “You can’t hide from me, Ben.”

“Never could,” he admitted. “At least let me try to mask myself, Rey.”

Rey darkened. “I’ll never let you put on another mask,” she promised. “You should be proud of who you are, not hiding behind what you want people to think you are.”

Ben’s mouth slackened and he gaped at Rey, who held him firm in her gaze. Eventually he gave an imperceptible nod, and she said, “Well, alright then,” and left him staring after her as she walked away.

***

Rey spent the afternoon bathing in the shallows of the cove. She scrubbed herself clean and washed her hair, letting it dry in the sun.  For the first time she wished she had something other than pants and a shirt to wear. She was so used to being practical, all of a sudden she felt self-conscious of her appearance, wanting to be softer than the hardness life had forged out of her. She experimented with her wrap, draping it around herself this way and that, twisting it in a loop around her neck like a halter that cupped her breasts before draping around her torso. She felt silly. Maybe if she took off the under shirt it would look better, she thought. The result exposed much more skin,  but it was a feminine silhouette and she was pleased with it . She took off her arm wraps and placed them with the shirt. It was different, and different would have to do for a special occasion, she figured.

Ben had spent the afternoon gathering food for the celebration and making arrangements with the Lanai. When he emerged from his hut, he’d obviously spent some time grooming himself, though his clothes were the same.

When he saw Rey, his dark eyes travelled over her  slowly, his face muted.

He walked up to her and took her hand and abruptly indicated for the Lanai to start playing. He put his hand on Rey’s waist, his fingertips brushing the bare flesh exposed by the draped wrap. Rey looked at him, but he looked away, not meeting her gaze. They continued to dance, fumbling with their feet, not quite sure of the steps. Rey blushed. She had not quite thought how awkward this was going to be when she’d proposed a dance for two. Ben obviously didn’t want to be here or do this. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at her.

“You changed your hair,” he said, in a softened tone.

“Yes,” Rey said.

“It has waves. I wouldn’t have known,” he continued.

“That’s why I tie it back,” Rey said. “It can get wild.”

“You shouldn’t,” Ben suggested. “You look…”

The breath hitched in Rey’s chest as Ben looked into her eyes.

“How do I look to you, Ben?” she whispered.

“Enchanting.”

Rey blushed. “Thank you. You look very handsome this evening too,” she offered.

“Do I?”

Rey nodded. The music stopped and a new song started. A slower tune.  There was an uncomfortable pause where Rey didn’t quite know what to do, but Ben shifted his hand from her waist to the small of her back and moved her to him. Her head now rested on his chest as he swayed with her.

“Is this what you wanted?” he whispered, his breath hot and lush in her ear. A thrill ran through Rey’s body, like cold liquid rising from her belly to her throat, where it caught in a gasp. Her arms began to tremble and she felt her knees buckle.

“Tell me what you want of me, Rey,” Ben said, soft and low. “Say it. Please.”

Rey pulled away, frightened by the intensity of him, the raw desire in his voice, the confusion of her own feelings burgeoning forth in this intimate moment. She was afraid to speak, afraid to say something she could never take back, afraid of where her desire would lead her. It felt dangerous to be this close to him.

“I...I can’t,” Rey said, extricating herself from Ben’s grasp and running for her cabin. She pulled the door open and threw herself inside, to the shelter within.

“Show’s over,” she heard Ben say bitterly to the Lanai. “Go.” The door of his cabin slammed angrily, and she heard the sounds of the upheaval of furniture. Rey cried to hear it. She had hurt him, unintentionally. She was only a young girl, feeling these feelings for the first time. Desire, lust, she’d only ever been the object of it in others. The men on Jakku would leer at her, making her uncomfortable. Finn had wanted her to reciprocate his feelings, but she could not. With Ben she was in real danger of losing herself to it, and she was afraid of what would happen when she did. 

“This is not the Jedi way,” she told herself. She cried. “Nor the Sith. What am I supposed to do?”

Rey heard a voice calling her, and she turned toward the sound to find Leia’s force ghost standing before her.

“Well, my boy’s upset,” she remarked, wryly.

“Leia,” Rey breathed, thankful to see her mentor. “I didn’t mean to make him so.”

“He’ll forgive you,” Leia said. “Don’t let him rush you, Rey. You must be true to your own feelings.”

“I don’t even know what these feelings are!” Rey claimed. “I’m only 19. I’ve rarely felt anything but alone and now I have to be responsible for the feelings of someone else. It’s too much.”

“Then don’t be. Ben will feel how he feels. He’s always been of a volatile temperament. He’s all tempestuous and reckless with his emotions, and it is up to you to be steady in yours. He may not thank you for it now, but he will once he knows you’re steadfast in your position. Ben needs stability, whether the answer is yes or no. Just be straight with him.”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“He’s stronger than you give him credit for, if you think a rebuff from a pretty girl will hurt him. Take control of the situation, Rey. If you can weather his storms it will benefit you both in the long run, but stick to what’s right for you, right now. Don’t let him overwhelm you.” 

“Are you going to talk to him?” Rey asked. “Tell him how I feel?”

“No. That should be between the two of you,” Leia responded. “Only you know the real truth of the matter.”

“Leia, thank you for appearing. I thought I was all alone, that the Jedi had forsaken me,” Rey said.

“You don’t need the Jedi, Rey. You’re doing perfectly balancing the force so far. What you needed was a mother.”

Rey covered her face in her hands and sobbed hysterically. “Thank you,” she eventually blubbered, and Leia nodded sagely before disappearing.


	8. Growing

Ben was particularly aggressive during sparring the following week, charging at Rey with forceful blows, the deflection of which put a strain on her arms, making them ache at night. She sat by the campfire, rubbing them, him glowering at her over the flames and her scowling back.

They hadn’t talked about the night of the dance, in the end. It remained an unspoken point of contention between them. Rey had hoped it would just be forgotten about and things could go back to how they used to be, but Ben seemed determined to hold a grudge.

Conversation had become stilted and awkward. The only time Ben showed any pleasure was when Rey showed him the progress of the seedlings and complimented him on the idea. He’d then agreed to talk about how they were going to plant them out, making plans to till the soil the following day while Rey did her run to the fish market.  For now, they sat by the fire in uncomfortable silence.

Rey excused herself and turned in for the night. The following morning Ben was at her door, fish loaded in the basket ready for her.

“You look tired,” she commented.

“I’ve been up early to fetch these for you,” he replied gruffly.

“I’ll help you with the tilling when I get back,” she offered. “So you don’t have to do it all by yourself.”

Ben nodded curtly.

“I’ll get you some clothes today, if you like,” she said. “What kind of thing do you like?”

“Black,” he told her. “Something warm but not itchy.”

“Umm,” Rey flustered.

“What?”

“I don’t know what size you are,” she said.

“My clothes were always tailored,” Ben responded, “By the First Order.”

“We might have to go for something a little less...flashy, than Supreme Leader garb,” Rey said. “But I’ll try to get you something nice. Will you let me measure you? I have some string. I could at least try to get the chest and waist and leg measurements right.”

Rey took the string and wrapped it around Ben’s chest, her arms delving under his own, as she brought the strands together.  She was intensely aware that this was the closest they had been since that night, and fought to keep the flush from her cheeks as he watched her with intent. She worked swiftly, tying knots in the string before making the next measurements to indicate to herself which body part they correlated to, and severing the string with a knife. She made the last cut at Ben’s feet and when she looked up she saw fire in his eyes. She stood and nodded curtly to indicate they were finished. Ben lingered, looking for any indication from her, but she refused to give it, averting her gaze.  She wasn’t ready for what he wanted from her,  and as Leia advised, she wouldn’t let him overwhelm or pressure her .

He left, stopping only in the doorway, to repeat the sentiment he gave her last time she had left. “Come back to me safely.”

“I will,” she promised, her heart softening a little at his bequest.

***

Rey’s second trip to Chandrila went smoothly. She found the marketplace easily, made her transaction with the fishmonger successfully and then explored the alleyways of the market for clothing stalls. She found some black shirts and pants that appeared to be of a sturdy yet flexible natural fiber that looked like it would be suitable for life on the island. Rey thought of what Luke would wear in the climate. He layered. Rey searched for a cloak and pullover as well. It didn’t leave her with many credits remaining. She would have to return again. It would be fine. The Lanai clothing fit her better than it did Ben. She could make do for another week.

With the remaining credits she bought  some polystarch bread for lunch, to save her the trouble of having to scrounge for food when she returned home. She wondered if Ben had ever had to eat polystarch bread. There were much finer foods to be had, but Rey had simple tastes, and sustenance was more important than anything else to her.

She made it back to Ahch-To  and unloaded her cargo. She placed the clothing in Ben’s cabin for him. It felt odd, being in his space in his absence. She noted the cracked leg on his bed from where he had probably thrown it the previous week. She  channeled the force of mechu-deru and performed a quick repair. It would do no good to have it collapse on him in the night, and as he was a solid build, it would only be a matter of time without a repair.

She backed out of the cabin and went to the well, fetching water to mix with the polystarch bread. She poured it into two bowls and meted out two portions, stirring the powder with her finger, as was her habit. The bread rose, and she took it, and two canisters of water, across the plateau to the west of the hermitage to where Ben was digging.

He  was turned away from her , the sun s on his  exposed back,  his pale skin flushed pink, by exertion or sun, she knew not which. She watched quietly, not announcing her presence, captivated by the motion of muscle over bone as he raised and fell the hoe to till the earth. Rey felt a flutter in her stomach, a quickening of her breath as she watched him, his hair swaying rhythmically with the work. He paused, and Rey feared for a moment that he sensed her, but then he returned to the work, allowing her to peruse him  at her leisure.

It was curious for Rey to observe Ben from behind when for the most part their experiences together had been adversarial, face to face, attacking each other. She realised it was probably the first time he had ever been  physically vulnerable to her in any way since the moment Leia had brought him back to the light and he had dropped his lightsaber. She hung her head, remembering the moment she had taken up his own weapon and stabbed him with it with all her hatred. He had been relentless in his pursuit to turn her to the dark side, always tracking her down, never backing down.  She had fought him for her life, but in her haste attacked an unarmed man. She hadn’t compensated fast enough for the change in him.

Now, here he was, working for their mutual benefit, a sheen of sweat slickening his bare torso and all she wanted to do was watch the beauty of him  in motion.  Eventually she pulled herself out of her reverie and called his name. 

He turned and she walked to him, offering him the bread and water. He took the canister and poured some over his hands to clean them, before taking the bread.

“What’s this?” he asked, curiously.

“Polystarch bread portion. I grew up on them. I thought it would save time,” she said. “Seeing as we both had a lot on today.” Rey’s eyes flicked over Ben’s bare chest. The scar from her first lightsaber attack no longer visible, to her relief, nor the gut wound. 

Ben smiled and took a bite. “It’s truly awful,” he laughed. “But thank you for the thought. I hadn’t eaten.”

Rey took a large bite of her own portion and nodded in agreement. She’d become accustomed to fresh fish and meat on the island. The blandness of her old staple diet a stark contrast.

When they had finished their food, Rey offered to help dig, and Ben pointed her to a second hoe he’d brought in preparation. They toiled together, side by side, making short work of the remaining earth.

“We finished that faster than I thought we would,” Ben remarked. “What now?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m hot and sweaty and I stink of fish. I’m going for a swim,” Rey declared.

“I’ll join you,” Ben agreed.

T he pair made their way to the cove, avoiding the Thala-sirens near the shore. 

“Turn around,” Rey instructed Ben. He complied as she undressed and lowered herself into the water.

“If I have to, you have to,” Ben winked as Rey realised she was still watching him. Her cheeks burned as she pivoted in the water. She heard him enter the water behind her and struck out for deeper water, he following suit.

“You’re a good swimmer for someone who grew up in a desert,” Ben observed.

“I can’t explain it,” Rey said. “I just feel at home here. It’s the island of my dreams.”

“I’m starting to feel that way too...WATCH OUT!”

Too late was Ben’s warning. A large Pallaskean had erupted from the water, Rey’s leg gripped in it’s fanged jaw.

Rey let out a pained scream, as the sea-serpent clamped down, tearing through sinew and flesh. Her scream was muffled by the ocean as the creature pulled her under the water.

Ben reached out with the force and grabbed the  Pallaskean by the throat, crushing it. The jaws slackened, releasing Rey, who began to sink. Ben struck out and captured her, pulling her back to the shore. He lifted her as they reached the shallows and strode onto shore, sitting down on a rock, her nestled in his lap, weeping and wailing.

“It stings,” she cried. “I think there’s poison.”

“There’s no poison,” Ben assured her. “Pallaskean’s are usually peaceful. There must be a nest nearby. I’m afraid I killed the mother. The babies will probably perish now.”

Rey wailed again.

“Shhh, Rey,” Ben cajoled. “You’ve been through worse.”

Rey buried her head in Ben’s chest and sobbed, her warm tears wetting his skin.

“Let’s fix this,” Ben said, reassuringly. He placed his hand over her wounds, letting the force flow between his hand and her leg. The muscle knitted, the ligaments reattached where they had torn from bone and the skin closed anew. 

Rey immediately stopped crying. She wiped her nose with the back of her arm, and looked at Ben with wet eyes. She suddenly became very aware that she was sitting in Ben’s lap and they were both wet and practically naked except for their undergarments. A lump developed in her throat and she froze, hoping he wouldn’t reach the same realisation. Her breath got deeper and faster as he stroked the hair back from her face.

“There,” he said. “All better now.”

Rey contemplated kissing him. His plump lips were right there, inches from her own. She stared at them too long. He was looking at her now, bemused.  She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, mumbling her thanks. 

“You’re welcome,” Ben replied. “Always welcome.”

B en made no motion to remove Rey from his lap. He cradled her there, as he had on Ex e gol. She had kissed him then, gratefully, for saving her life. Perhaps he expected another. His eyes flicked between her lips and her eyes, seeking, imploring.

“Rey,” he rasped.

“I’m going back in the water,” Rey announced, circumventing whatever Ben was going to say. Ben helped lift Rey to her feet, allowing her to go. “Will you come?” she asked.

He shook his head, but didn’t leave, as Rey continued to swim, an ocean between them.

***

Rey paced in her cabin, back and forth. Why was this so hard? It’s not like she hadn’t kissed Ben before. It’s just when she did it before it didn’t feel so loaded. It had been an expression of gratitude. He had saved her, she was thankful, she planted one on him.

Now, now it felt like if she started kissing him, she’d never want to stop. She was on a precipice over sharp rocks and there was no force that could save her from plummeting, light or dark.

How could she make this choice? How could she not?

The bittersweet agony in her chest as she recalled his pleading eyes.  She could satisfy that need in him and he would be utterly devoted to her in return.

“I’m scared,” she whispered to herself. She took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. “But I’m no coward.”

She stepped tentatively up to her door, braced herself and threw it open.

The doorway was blocked, Ben’s sturdy frame blocking her exit.  He startled at her sudden appearance. His eyes scrutinised her face, his own betraying the longing that he could not contain. Rey froze, overwhelmed, but gave him what he needed, an almost imperceptible nod, and then he was upon her, his lips engulfing hers, hands capturing her face. He kissed her passionately, mouthing at her, bruising her lips with ferocity. Rey tried to keep up with him, but he was frenzied. She gasped for air. She placed her hand on his and tried to release her face,  and he calmed, slowing the kisses until they were soft and lingering and sweet. Rey pressed back, kissing him more fervently, chasing the withdraw. He lapped at her with his tongue and Rey moaned. He pulled away.

“Goodnight, Rey,” he whispered, his thumb trailing over her cheek as he backed away from her door. Rey stood, her lungs devoid of air, as she watched him traverse the courtyard back to his own cabin.


	9. Secrets

Rey awoke the next morning, her heart buoyant. Her fingers trailed to her mouth, which curled at the corners.

She dressed happily, and went out into the courtyard, hoping to find Ben, but he was nowhere to be found. Disappointed, she walked to the cliffs, where Luke’s fishing pole was located. She vaulted to the opposing cliff, raising the pole ready to strike any large fish that swam through the channel. She was not as practiced as Luke, it taking several tries and more than an hour to spear her prey. She vaulted back to the main part of the island and hauled the fish up, huffing and puffing, pulling the pole hand over fist. She then shouldered the beast and hauled it back to the hermitage to clean and fillet it.

Ben still hadn’t returned to the cabins by the time Rey was done cooking and eating, his portion lying cold. She wrapped it and knocked on his door. There was no answer, but she peeked inside and left the food on his table in his absence.

Rey inspected the seedlings. Their first couple of true leaves were growing, with buds of the third and fourth. They would be ready to plant out soon, according to the text books. She went and drew some water from the well and gave them all a soak.

She sat and read through the text book, wanting to go over the procedure for planting them out a second time.

When Ben still hadn’t appeared by late afternoon, Rey started to worry. She decided to look for him. She searched out with her feelings and immediately started running.

She pelted down the escarpment, finding the dark place where the roots grow upwards out of the earth. She dove into the hole at the center, bracing herself for the cold water at the bottom. She hauled herself out onto the rocks and ran to him at the face of the mirror cave, pulling his unconscious body into her lap.

“Ben!” she cried. “Oh, Ben. What are you doing here?” She panicked, seeing him flaccid and unresponsive. She felt out with the force, trying to see what was in his mind. She saw fire and death and destruction. All at his hand.

She could see the look of compassion and love on Han Solo’s face as Ben said, “ _I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?_ ” She could feel the searing agony as the lightsaber pierced his father’s heart. Ben felt the strike to his core, as his father had, the action dooming him to the dark.

The agony, the despair, the loneliness. It was pulling Ben under. His consciousness couldn’t take it in this dark place.

Rey pulled herself out of his mind. She reached with the force and lifted his body out over the water and up through the entryway. She then took herself out, floated his slackened body back to his cabin, and laid him on his bed.

She ran to get some water and a cloth, dabbing at his forehead, which was now beading with sweat.

“Ben, oh, Ben,” she cried. “What have you done to yourself?”

***

Rey tended to Ben as he recovered, bringing him broths to keep him sustained. He had no appetite. He stayed in bed, unwilling or unable to move. He refused to talk about what happened in the mirror cave, or why he had gone there. Rey didn’t bring up the previous night’s kissing. It didn’t seem appropriate or welcome anymore.

Rey took over both their duties in hunting, gathering, cooking and tending to the seedlings. It wasn’t too tiresome, but it was lonely without someone to share it with, and Ben had completely shut down. He barely looked at her, let alone talked to her, and wouldn’t say what was troubling him for days on end. He wouldn’t share. It was almost as though he was trying to sever the link between them. Rey could feel him receding, shrinking into himself.

Rey started talking more with the Lanai, who were starting to treat her more kindly now that she was helping improve the island rather than destroy it. She promised they could share in the bounty of the crops once they started becoming self-sustaining. She told them she planned on having a harvest party that they were welcome to come to.

Rey even called Rose, and arranged to meet her on her next fishing market run. She asked Rose to help her choose new clothing, something Rose was more than happy to do.

When market day came around, Rey had to catch the fish herself for the first time, as Ben was in no fit state to help. She asked him how he caught so many in such a small amount of time, and he told her he summoned them from the ocean with the force. Rey laughed. She’d been using the spear to fish, like Luke had when he’d cut himself off from the force.

“I’m an idiot,” she shrugged.

“No,” Ben refused. “You’re humble. It’s not bad to want to do things with your hands. It keeps you grounded. I enjoyed digging the earth with you. I think it’s actually one of the times I’ve felt my happiest.”

Rey patted his arm and gave him a sympathetic smile before leaving to catch the fish and load up the X-Wing. Ben pulled himself out of bed to see her off, wrapped in his cloak.

“Come back to me safely,” he pressed her once again.

“Don’t go back to the mirror cave, Ben,” Rey warned. “Please.”

“Would it upset you if I did?” Ben asked.

“Yes,” Rey said. “I couldn’t stand it.” She threw her arms around Ben, holding him tightly around the waist. Ben tilted her chin up to meet her eye.

“Then I won’t. For you.”

Rey got in the cockpit and closed the hatch. She nodded to Ben, resolved to go, trusting that he wouldn’t go against his word in her absence. She placed her palm against the glass. He placed his on the other side, the force flowing between them but impeded by the unspoken. She withdrew her hand, took a deep breath to steel herself to leave and fired up the engine, taking off for Chandrila.

Rose met Rey on the landing pad after an uneventful flight through the stars.

“We’re not shopping at the marketplace today. We’ll offload your fish and then I’m taking you some place special,” she said, grinning enthusiastically. “You’re going to love it!”

Rose was right. She’d taken Rey to a little boutique store, where everything was designed to be functional but form fitting, with unique details that made every piece individual. Some had hardware that was unique, others were distressed in a certain way to make them pliable and lived in. Rey tried on a few outfits and settled on a brown long sleeved leather coat with a slanted zip and high collar, a tan coloured shirt and pants that came just below her knee.

“Girl, you need to branch out with your style,” Rose complained. “Enough with the knickerbockers.”

“They’re functional,” Rey argued. “And if they weren’t in style, people wouldn’t keep making them.”

“Don’t your ankles get cold in winter?” Rose asked.

“That’s a good point,” Rey said. “I could use some new high boots. Maybe with a warm lining.”

Rey headed to the back of the boutique where there were a range of shoes on display, while Rose perused near the front of the store. Rey found a good pair that suited her outfit and asked the sales assistant for a pair in her size.

“Don’t kill me,” Rose said, coming up with something suspiciously hidden behind her back. “But I would pay good money to see you in this.” She produced a layered white lace backless dress with a wide belt.

Rey’s eyes lit up. “It’s beautiful.” She touched the fabric. She’d never felt anything so soft and intricate in her life. “I could never afford it,” she said, dolefully.

“Afford it?” Rose said, puzzled. “I just want you to try it on!”

“Okay,” Rey said, eagerly. “You’re on!” She went to the changeroom and slipped out of her clothes, gently folding herself into the delicate fabric. She looked at herself in the mirror, stunned by the change. She pulled her hair out of it’s buns and arranged the tendrils flatteringly.

“Rey, shoes,” Rose called, poking a pair of high heels under the curtain.

Rey slipped the golden pumps on her feet and stepped back, taking in the complete picture. “I look like a bride,” she whispered.

“What’s that?” Rose asked through the curtain.

Rey pulled back the curtain to reveal herself. “I look like a bride!” she exclaimed, beaming and laughing. “Where in the galaxy am I going to wear this! It’s ridiculous.”

“You look beautiful,” Rose declared.

“I know, right? But it’s going back,” Rey determined. She changed back into her other clothes, but not before gazing at herself and daydreaming about the kind of life she could live in such a delicate garment. She returned the dress to the sales assistant. “Goodbye, my pretty,” she lamented, as she and Rose left the boutique with her new purchases.

“I’ve got to get back to my regular life,” Rey told Rose, giving her a hug. “Thank you so much for helping me branch out with my style.”

“Any time, girl,” Rose said. “I’m glad you contacted me. I wish you weren’t so close-lipped about this regular life of yours.”

“There’s nothing really to tell,” Rey said. “It’s very quiet. This is the most excitement I’ve had in ages, I swear!”

Rose laughed and waved goodbye, saying “Fine, keep your secrets.”

Rey returned to the X-Wing and flew back to Ahch-To happily. She had really needed a little light-hearted break after the difficulties with Ben at home. She felt refreshed and ready to return to him, though now that she was alone in the jet the worry started to plague her again. He had promised not to go to the mirror cave. She hoped he had honoured that promise.

She was relieved to find him by the campfire upon her return. He’d caught a porg that had tried to nest in the hermitage and was roasting it over the fire on a spit, turning it periodically.

“You seem to be be feeling better,” Rey observed. “I’m relieved.”

“Mmm,” Ben agreed. “You seem happy. Tell me about your trip.”

Rey confided most of the details, but kept the dress secret, for herself. Some memories are meant to be treasured, she thought.


	10. Burgeoning

O ver the next few days, the seedlings began to sprout new leaves. Rey told Ben they would be ready for planting as soon as he felt up to helping.  Although he claimed he was feeling better, and was no longer staying in bed, returning to his usual routine, it did seem to Rey that he was taking much longer than usual to complete his tasks away from the hermitage. 

Sparring was cancelled. She didn’t want to challenge him physically while he was still recuperating. She couldn’t tell what happened to him in the mirror cave. It didn’t seem to be a physical ailment.  If it was, she could have easily healed him with the force. If anything,  the experience seemed to have destroyed his spirit,  and he was laden heavy with his own internal burdens.

She saw him far more rarely and wondered if he was avoiding her. Maybe he just didn’t want to be a burden on her any longer after his period of convalescence. He was a proud man, after all. Maybe he didn’t want to address what had happened between them. Ben might not have wanted to talk about it but Rey couldn’t put it out of her mind. At night, alone in her bed, she thought about the kiss, about the passionate intensity of it, and it created a heat inside her, low in her abdomen. It was another awakening, as powerful as the force itself, but this time sensual and it would not rest unsatisfied.

T he more the longing built in her, the more Ben’s prolonged absences bothered her. She wanted to be around him, to touch him, to kiss him, to explore more unfamiliar and exciting sensations with him.  She bubbled with these heady desires, yet he seemed more elusive from her than ever.

In her dreams the dark side of the force crackled within her. She would wake to find scorch marks on the wall from where force lightening had seeped from her unbidden. She presumed she was still having nightmares, but couldn’t recall the dreams, and kept the phenomenon to herself. She tried to control it, to keep it balanced, to keep it stifled. 

Eventually, though, nature brought she and Ben together, as it came time for them to plant out their seedlings. They both worked hard, crouched on their hands and knees under the cloud dappled sky. Rey frequently glanced over at Ben, watching his gentle hands as he placed the fragile plants into the ground. Their eyes never met. They worked in silence. Eventually Rey had only a few plants left in her tray, and she knew her opportunity to talk was soon going to escape. She dropped her tools, brushed the dirt from her hands and walked over to Ben.

She started hopefully. “Ben, are we ever going to talk about the night we kissed?”

Ben stayed on the ground, focused on his planting. “No.”

“No?”

“It was just something I had to get out of my system, okay?” Ben said, quietly.

Rey felt like he’d dealt her a physical blow. He had to get out of his system what had ignited a fire in her. The unfairness of it smacked her.

“You can’t kiss me the way you did, Ben, and then pretend like it didn’t mean anything.”

“Forget it. It doesn’t have to change anything,” Ben said, his head still lowered. Rey sat beside him and bent her head down to meet his eye.

“What if I want it to change something?” she ventured.

Ben closed his eyes, cringing away. “Don’t.”

“Don’t deny me, Ben, please,” Rey implored.

Ben growled, “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I do. I’ve done nothing but think about it since that night.” Rey reached out and touched him on the chest. “Ben.” She leaned in close, her mouth hovering right beneath his. “Please.” She closed her eyes as he bridged the divide.

His kisses were reserved, gentle,  not fueled by the desperation of their previous encounter, but a concession to her plea . He parted her lips with his own and delved his tongue inside, drinking from her. She tasted him back,  seeking, searching. He growled as she felt his hunger grow. He grabbed her arms, the rough dirt  on his hands  scraping against her skin.  She panted, the blood rising within her. He wrapped his arms around her, placing a hand on the back of her neck and the small of her back and lay her on the ground. 

Kneeling between her legs, he leaned in to her, deepening the kiss. His thigh grazed the apex between her legs and she gasped, clawing at his back as he dipped his face to her neck, teasing the flesh with his teeth.

“Oh, Rey. I can’t hold back anymore. I’ve tried. I don’t have the strength.”

“Don’t hold back. I want you, Ben,” Rey gasped, pressing herself down on his leg, thrusting her chest up to meet his.

He ran his hands down the sides of her body, then stopped, staring at the trail of dirt he had tracked down Rey’s clothing.

“Not like this. Not on the ground like animals. I’m not some beast.” Ben pushed himself off the ground and stalked away, off up the mountain, leaving Rey lying on the ground, aching, alone and confused.

She watched him go, tears welling in her eyes, but blinked them away. She knew Ben ran hot and cold. This wasn’t personal, she told herself. There was something going on with him that she simply didn’t understand, yet. She finished planting out the seedlings and gave them a good soaking with water and then went to the cove to wash off the dirt that had so repulsed him. Changing into her new clothes, she determined to not let him avoid her any longer. She climbed the stone mountain path, carving her way to the precipice, where Ben stood, gazing out over the ocean at the setting suns.

She stood beside him, and spoke softly. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he replied, kindly.

“I’m so confused, Ben. Every time I think we’re getting closer, you pull away.”

“Because I’m scared,” the unspoken whisper sounded in Rey’s head.

Rey’s heart cracked. She knew when she took the Sith into herself it would leave her forever changed, but she hoped that wouldn’t matter to Ben. She thought that as someone who had seen both the light and the dark sides of the force that they were kindred. It wasn’t to be.

“You’re scared of me? Because of what I am?” Rey said, mournfully.

“No,” Ben said, surprised, turning away from the sunset to face her. “I could never be afraid of you, Rey. There’s nothing you could do or be that would frighten me.”

“Then tell me,” Rey pleaded. “Please. I need to understand.”

“Don’t you know? Isn’t it obvious? I’m in love with you, Rey, besotted, damned to it, and I’m scared you won’t ever love me back. That I don’t deserve to be loved back. That I’m still the monster you thought me to be.”

Rey looked upon Ben, broken, shattered, and she understood what had happened in the mirror cave. He had gone there looking for answers, for hope, after they had kissed, and the dark side had tormented him. His every ill deed  he had conducted in a bid for the power to snuff out the light,  reflected endlessly, amplified infinitely in the refraction of the mirror .

Ben did not have the fortitude to carry the darkness. He did not descend directly from the Palpatine bloodline, as she did .  He was born to the light then corrupted to the dark, but at a heavy cost to him.  As difficult a burden to bear as she found it, the darkness within her, she had the light to balance it  and kept it restricted to the island where it could  do limited damage . In the mirror cave, Ben’s light had been overcome, his eyes clouded to it.

“Ben,” Rey said, taking his hand and placing it beside her head. “Your judgment is obscured by your fears and your regret. I want you to see through my eyes.”

Ben reached out with the force, communing with Rey’s mind.

She could feel his nervousness. He could have looked  into her mind at  any time but had  obviously  been too afraid of what he might find.  She reiterated to him what he had said to her, the first day they met. “Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.”  She was scared. She was laying her most vulnerable self before him, but it was the only way to save him from the torment of the dark side, and she would gladly lay it down to give him peace.  She took his hand and  placed it directly on her temple, encouraging him.  She covered his hand with her own, steadying him.

“ _You want to kill me,” Kylo Ren is saying. He has me bound, locked in a cell. He calls me his guest, but we both know I’m his prisoner._

“ _That’s what happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask,” I say._

_He depresses a switch, the mask extends at the jaw and is removed. Behind it is the face of a man. He is_ _confusingly_ _beautiful._ _I expected something evil and hideous, but he is s_ _ad,_ _and_ _striking_ _. His eyes are penetrating, dark brown, but there is light in them. This is no creature, though he has power, power that is to be feared._

“ _Don’t be afraid, I feel it too,” he says. He does, he feels my fear,_ _and why shouldn’t he? He’s penetrating my mind, invading it, violating it. I’m very afraid._

“ _I’m not giving you anything,” I say_ _and I resist so far as to see into his mind_ _._ _You’re afraid too, and now I know it, I won’t_ _ever_ _give in_ _._

“Why are you showing me this?” Ben asked.

“To show to you, Ben, that you never should have put on that mask. It never made you stronger. It made you less than what you are, an evil caricature, when there is so much more depth to you.”

“You thought me heinous,” he observed. “For what I did to you, reading your mind.”

“And now I’m letting you voluntarily. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“Show me something else then,” Ben challenged. Rey nodded and he continued to search through her mind.

“ _I know everything I need to know about you,” I say. You killed your father. I saw it with my own eyes._

“ _You do?” Kylo Ren asks. He eyes me curiously. “Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes, from the forest, when you called me a monster.”_

“ _You are a monster,” I say._

“ _Yes, I am,” Kylo Ren says. Not proudly. It’s not a boast. He hates what he did to Han Solo. He hates killing his own father. He admits it’s made him a monster. He’s weaker for it and desperate. I pity him._

“If you’re trying to help, this isn’t working,” Ben said. “I don’t want to see this.”

“You need to understand, Ben. You have to start at the beginning, to see what you were, how weak and tormented you were, in order to see how much you’ve changed. Please. Keep looking. Stay with me.”

Ben  grimaced, but rejoin ed Rey’s mind.

“ _Did he tell you what happened that night?” Kylo Ren asks me, of Luke Skywalker._

“ _Yes.” I know you had turned to the dark side and Luke tried to stop you, and you burned down his temple and murdered his Jedi students._

“ _No. He sensed my power as he senses yours and he feared it.” I see a vision of Luke attacking Ben Solo, and Ben Solo defending himself._

“ _Liar,” I accuse. Luke Skywalker is a hero, I think. It can’t be true._

“ _Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.”_

“This still isn’t helping, Rey. Showing me memories of what lead me to the dark side. What do you hope to achieve in this?”

“I wanted to show you the time I started to understand you, Ben. I’m sorry it’s painful for you,” Rey said. “It will make sense, I promise, when you come to the end you’ll know what I think and feel about you now.” Rey gave an encouraging nudge and projected the next scenario to Ben, who joined her telepathically.

_An elevator. Kylo Ren is taking me to Snoke, to turn me over to him._ _“_ _You don’t have to do this. I feel the conflict in you. It’s tearing you apart. Ben, when we touched hands I saw your future, just the shape of it, but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke.” I step closer._ _I want him closer, I want him to join me._ _“You’ll turn.” Please. “I’ll help you.” Oh,_ _please_ _._ _That look in his eyes, what is that?_ _Longing. I feel it too._ _I long for you to_ _t_ _urn for me, Ben. Come with me._ _“I saw it.”_ _Please let it be true._

“Now that’s interesting,” Ben smirked. “Did you like being trapped in that elevator in handcuffs with me? Tempting me?”

Rey blinked and blushed a furious red. “I was trying to tempt you, Ben, back to the light.”

“Hmm,” Ben smirked, eyeing Rey up and down.

“Keep looking,” Rey said.

Ben’s eyes lingered on her body.

“In my mind,” Rey prompted her eyes flashing with mock annoyance and Ben gave a laugh but did so.

“ _You’re nothing. But not to me. Join me. Please,” Kylo Ren says._

_I’m devastated. I thought Ben had returned_ _to the light_ _when he_ _defeated_ _Snoke_ _but I don’t see the hope in what he’s saying. He wants to destroy everything. He’s turning further into the dark and I can’t follow. Look at him. Beautiful, tortured, begging. We’re both so alone. I could take his hand. I want to,_ _b_ _ut it would be_ _the end of me, and I can’t_ _._

“So that’s why you didn’t take my hand. Self preservation,” Ben said. “I had considered that to be the moment of my greatest power. I wanted to raise you up, Rey. You saw in me a tormented beggar who would ruin you,” Ben puffed. “You so easily refused me.”

“Things turned after that day, Ben. That was the point of our greatest disparity, I promise.”

“ _What Palpatine doesn’t know is that we’re a dyad in the force, Rey. Two that are one. We’ll kill him, together and take the throne,” Kylo Ren says to me. A dyad. Connected. Tethered. He takes off his helmet, a gesture of vulnerability. Those searching eyes again, that pleading look. He won’t ever let me go. “You know what you need to do. You know.” He’s offering me his hand again. He told me that he’d turn me to the dark side and I would take it. He thinks that telling me I’m a Palpatine will make me turn. I won’t accept that. I do know what I have to do. I have to kill Palpatine, on my own, but not to take the throne, to destroy the Sith, and to free us both._

“You were angry with me for my persistence,” Ben said. “But it was that or kill you.”

“There was always a third option, Ben, but you were too lost to see it. I was angry with you for not returning to the light when I had given you the chance. You were so adamant that it was too late for you and you kept trying to take me down with you!” Rey argued.

“How could I not? We were, we are, a dyad.”

“Yes we are, Ben. We’re a dyad. What happens to one of us, happens to both of us. You were blinded, but so cocksure and you made it so I had fight against not only you, but the emperor too. You gave me no other alternative for my own survival and integrity. You were backing me into a corner, and that’ll make a girl come out fighting.”

“I had to, Rey,” Ben said.

“And I had to do what I did next because of it,” Rey replied. “You forced me to.”

_Kylo Ren has me on the ground. I won’t turn. He’s going to have to kill me like he promised he would._

_Wait. He’s stopped. He’s dropped his lightsaber. I take it and run him through with all of my rage._

_I feel a disturbance in the force. Leia has died. Oh, no,_ _s_ _he’s died saving_ _her son_ _and I’ve just killed him._

_I can’t let my master’s sacrifice be wasted. I have to undo it. Oh, no, no, no, no. Please, please heal. Please heal._

_It’s done. I’ve healed him. What can I possibly say after all that?_

“ _I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.”_

_He says nothing. There’s nothing else to be said. It’s over._

“I was pitiful. You were right to pity me,” Ben said.

“I didn’t pity you. I was sorry you’d lost your mother and I was glad that you’d seen the light.”

“Then why did you abandon me there?”

“I was afraid. I’d seen a vision of myself as a Sith. You may have been redeemed, but I didn’t know what I was. I was confused. I wanted to hide.”

“But you didn’t hide. You fought.”

“That’s right, because Luke Skywalker convinced me to. He wouldn’t let me hide from what I am any more than you would.”

“And you listened to him?” Ben frowned. “You never listened to me!”

“You weren’t to be trusted,” Rey argued. “Not up until that point anyway. This is where things really changed, though.”

_I’m standing in front of the emperor. He wants me to strike him down, and I’ve agreed. I don’t see any other way out of this._

_Wait, there’s Ben. He’s come to save me? He’s come to save me!_ _But w_ _hy is he_ _unarmed._ _Where’s his lightsaber?_ _Is he insane? Why would he come here without_ _his_ _weapon?_

_He looks at me. I look at him._ _Oh, I understand. Take it. Take the lightsaber. Fight._ _We’ll fight together._

“ _The Jedi are dead,” the emperor says. No we’re not. We’re just getting started._

_I fight, frenzied, outnumbered, but I’m stronger and now I know I’m not alone._

_There’s one guard left. He’s pulled out of the way by a force other than my own to reveal Ben, standing strong, standing by me. My heart swells at the sight of him._

“Wow,” Ben exclaimed. “You totally wanted me. There was even romantic music swelling in the background and everything.”

“You were very heroic,” Rey agreed, but rolled her eyes at his cockiness. “It was a moment.”

“You were glad to see me. I could get used to you looking at me like that,” Ben admitted.

Rey smiled and nuzzled her cheek into Ben’s hand.

_We have to face the emperor. United. “Stand together, die together.”_

_The power of the dyad is restoring the emperor. “Look what you have made.”_

_My plan to defeat the emperor has backfired spectacularly._ _I shouldn’t have come._ _I never should have listened to Luke Skywalker._ _Of course the Jedi wouldn’t know how to defeat the Sith. They never knew and were always fighting a losing battle._ _I shouldn’t have brought Ben into this. The emperor_ _is returned to full strength and_ _has killed_ _Ben_ _, thrown him away like he was nothing,_ _and_ _it’s my fault_ _because I came_ _._

“It wasn’t your fault, Rey. I chose to fight by you,” Ben said. “I chose my fate.”

“We both did,” Rey lamented. 

“ _Let your death be the final word in the story of rebellion.” The emperor taunts me, but I stand strong. I know I have the power of the Jedi on my side._ _At the final hour they have spoken to me_ _._ _I deflect his lightening, force it back upon himself, but then I push more. I force my lightening upon him too, with all my anger,_ _all my hatred,_ _all my rage. He is obliterated, and_ _the deed is done._ _I am done. I fall._

“That’s what did it,” Ben observed. “You used the power of the light and the dark to defeat him. You gave into your anger. That’s why you took the Sith upon yourself. You’ve always had that potential, Rey. That passion. I’ve always known it. Wanted it.”

“I know.”

_I wake. I’m in Ben’s arms. He’s alive! I’m alive. He looks nervous. Why does he look nervous? “Ben?” There he is, that sad, lost boy. He is found, finally. I touch his face. I kiss him, thank you. Look at his beautiful face, smiling at me like that. So pure. Such light. All light, now faded to nothing. Oh._

“Do you see now?” Rey says. “Do you see how you changed into pure light in front of me? How you became one with the force?”

“You think I’m beautiful,” Ben said, examining Rey closely. 

“I think you’re missing the point. I do, but I see more than the features of your face and the strength of your form, Ben. I saw your spirit. That’s what was beautiful to me in that moment. It was devastating to watch you disappear when I’d only just found you. If you keep looking you’ll see what it was like for me in your absence.”

_Finn and I are arguing. He knows about my nightmares. He knows I’m mourning the loss of Ben. He’s jealous and angry._

“ _You don’t have to say anything else,” Finn_ _says_ _. “You’d rather_ _be hung up on_ _a guy who’s evil or dead than me._ _I really think y_ _ou’re going to be real lonely,_ _especially if you can’t_ _appreciate_ _the good that’s right in front of you,_ _”_ _he says to me. He’s right. I can’t appreciate what’s in front of me. I need to leave._

_I_ _go to_ _Ex_ _e_ _gol,_ _to_ _the place_ _Ben_ _disappeared_ _and_ _I lay flowers down. I miss him. I miss him like my own heart,_ _b_ _ut he’s not here._

“You mourned me?” Ben whispered. “Me?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t? We had been more intimate than I had ever been with anyone, Ben, adversaries or not, we were connected. It left a void when you left. Look at how I felt when you returned.”

_I’m in his lap in the X-Wing. He smells good and feels warm,_ _and strong_ _._ _What’s he made of, pure muscle? And his hair, so soft on my face._ _This would be nice if it weren’t so awkward._ _Why did I not think about only having one seat?_ _I’m sure he can tell my heart’s racing. Just keep still. Maybe he won’t notice._

“I wondered why you were so stiff. I thought maybe you didn’t want to give me any ideas wriggling around on my lap, but you were the one with all the ideas. So innocent, Rey. Wanting to save me, but not knowing what to do with me once you got me.”

“Shut up,” Rey blushed. “Keep looking.”

_I’ve just blasted apart my cabin with force lightening. There’s debris and smoke all around me, but he’s here. He’s here and he’s holding me. For weeks I’ve been having nightmares, crying out for him as he disappears through my fingertips into nothingness, but now he’s here and holding me, and I am soothed. I’m whole again, my other half holding me, piecing me back together. Finally._

“That’s why I came back, you know,” Ben whispered. “Because you needed me for that. No other reason. At first.” Ben’s thumb caressed her temple.

“Keep looking,” Rey encouraged once more.

_He’s showing me how to stand, how to fight, but his every touch is sweet torture. These feelings inside, that keep rising from my core, spreading out throughout me, making me weak. Don’t show it. Don’t let him know. He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want me._

“Oh,” Ben says. “That was never about you, Rey.”

“It’s okay. We’ve been over that. Keep looking.”

_Ben, sitting by the fire,_ _the flames illuminating the dark pools of his eyes_ _. Ben, teaching me the force,_ _with kindness and patience and balance_ _. Ben, cooking with me,_ _feeding the_ _hungry inner_ _child in me that had never before been sated_ _. Ben,_ _proud_ _that my lightsaber technique is coming along,_ _proud_ _that he’s helping me improve_ _. Ben, my friend. Ben, my_ _daily_ _companion._

“Rey,” Ben says, his voice laden with emotion.

“Shhh. Keep looking,” Rey says. “We’re not there yet.”

_Ben, confiding in me. Ben, vulnerable, scared,_ _but trusting. Stronger and weaker than he’s ever been, all at once._

_Ben coming to me, wanting to make a better life, wanting to put down roots with me, plant a future with me, help me be something more than a scavenger. Ben, who sees more in me than I see in myself. Ben, wanting to grow with me, to plant the seeds of something new. A seed of hope._

_Ben, dancing with me, planting the seed of something else. Desire._

_Ben,_ _cultivating_ _the field. Strong, sexy,_ _captivating_ _._ _New feelings_ _of desire_ _growing and blooming_ _inside me_ _._

“I knew you were there,” Ben confided. “I sensed the change in you. The hunger. I was curious what you’d do.”

“I knew it!” Rey exclaimed, swatting him. “I knew you were showing off to get my attention. Well, it worked. Keep looking.”

_Ben, healing me. Holding me. Comforting me. Tempting me._

“I wanted you so much in that moment,” Ben confessed.

“I know. I wasn’t ready then, but I was getting closer.”

_Pacing, scared, thrilled, excited. I’ll go to him. I’ll tear down the wall between us and throw myself across the breach._ _I wrench open the cabin door b_ _ut he’s here already and I’m in his arms. This is right. This is good. Why did I fight it so long?_

“I felt the same.”

“I know. But then it went all wrong, didn’t it?”

_Ben, in the mirror cave. Unconscious, tortured. No, you don’t deserve this. You paid for what you did already. This is just cruel. I won’t allow it. I’ll save you. I’ll always save you._

_Ben, distant, pulling away. I can’t lose you again. Come back to me. Come back to me._

_Ben, saying goodbye as I leave for the market. Asking me to come back to him. Giving me a thread of hope._

_Ben, kissing me again,_ _finally giving me what I’ve been craving_ _._ _My friend, my companion, my desire._

_M_ _y love_ _._

Rey said, shaking, her soul bared, “Now you know the truth. You see how things have changed between us, what you mean to me now.”

“Say it,” Ben pleaded. He took Rey in his arms and nestled his head close to hers. “Say it, Rey. Say the words.”

“I love you, Ben. I love you now.”

Ben cupped Rey’s face in his hands, kissing her fervently.

He pulled away, a quizzical look on his face.

“There’s something else,” Ben said. “Something you’re not showing me. One more secret.”

“There’s nothing,” Rey replied. “I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

“No. I want it all,” Ben demanded. “You can’t hide from me, Rey. I’m not afraid anymore. I can take it. Show me, even if it’s ugly.”

_I’m standing in the mirror, dress flowing, accentuating my figure, my shoulders exposed. My hair_ _cascading in waves_ _. The golden shoes on my feet_ _bare the tops of my feet and my ankles_ _._ _It’s exposing._ _This is the outfit for a life I could never have. It’s too soft for_ _my life_ _but it’s a nice dream. A beautiful dream. “I look like a bride,” I whisper to myself._

Ben stare d at Rey, looking at her with fresh eyes. “ That’s not what I imagined you would hide.  You looked so  delicate ,” he murmured,  tracing the line of her lip with his thumb . “ So feminine.  I didn’t think I could love you any more than I already do. Why did you keep that  side of yourself hidden from me?”

“Because it’s silly,” Rey blushed. “It was nothing. Just a girlish fantasy.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, Rey. Give you anything anything you can dream of,” Ben said earnestly.

“What are you saying?” Rey asked, nervously.

“Marry me,” Ben asked. “Rey, if you love me, marry me.”

Time stopped. The howling wind fell silent. There was only her and Ben, their surroundings falling away into nothingness. Rey stared at Ben. His eyes fixed upon her, he did not waver in his intensity.

“Yes,” Rey whispered.

“You don’t seem certain. Is it because Jedi aren’t supposed to marry?”

“We’re not Jedi, or Sith, Ben. You were right. It’s time to let old things die and let new things grow in their place,” Rey said. “I will marry you. It’s what I want.”

“Take my hand, Rey,” Ben offered. She placed her tapered fingers on his palm. He smiled with satisfaction. “Finally.”

“And forever,” Rey agreed. “Third time’s the charm. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”

“Waiting is nothing when I have forever to look forward to. Rey, my Rey, my love.”


	11. Part 4 Discovered: Venture

“Don’t be stupid,” Rey said, exasperated. “The Lanais are caretakers of the Jedi legacy. They’re not going to know the first thing about marrying us, or anyone, for that matter.”

Ben replied, “So you want us to go off world?”

“Maz is the right person to do it. She’s the only one who could understand. We should go to Takodana. She’ll be rebuilding there, and won’t be open for business yet. It’s the perfect time,” Rey reasoned.

“You trust her that much?”

“I do. Your parents did too,” Rey told him. “Surely that counts for something?”

“I may not be so lucky,” Ben told her. “I’ve not exactly followed in my parent’s footsteps, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Maz knows the force. She’ll feel the change in you, as I do. She’s seen the rise and fall of empires before. She still welcomes all, as long as there’s no fighting. It’s on the sign at the entrance to her bar. If she can accept that drunken mob, she can accept you,” Rey said, sternly.

Ben pulled Rey in for a quick, but strong, kiss. “I can’t promise that. If we have to fight our way out of there, if I have to protect you, I will.”

“It won’t be dangerous, Ben. We’ll be in and out. Besides, everybody thinks you’re dead. There’s not going to be anyone on the lookout for us.”

***

Rey and Ben landed the X-Wing near the forest on the outskirt of the temple on Takodana. Rey pulled herself off of Ben’s lap.

“We really need to get a different jet,” she laughed, biting her lip. “We can’t keep doubling up like this, it’s ridiculous.”

“I don’t know,” Ben said. “I could kind of get used to it, now I know it makes your heart race, sitting in my lap.”

“Oh, you are going to be insufferable,” Rey sighed. “Gone is my insecure friend. Replaced by this cocky…”

“What?”

“Stud,” she grinned.

“Now you’re just actively trying to encourage me,” Ben smiled, lasciviously. “You’re going to get yourself in more trouble than you can handle, Empress,” he warned.

“When have I ever not been able to handle you, Ben?” Rey flirted, striding away to the temple, knowing that his eyes were following the sway of her hips as she walked.

“Don’t kid yourself, Rey,” Ben cautioned her. “When it comes to you, I’ve held back...a lot.”

Rey simply smirked and kept walking.

As Rey suspected, there were no customers at the bar that Maz was proprietor of, due to heavy reconstruction after the First Order had attacked a few years prior. The rubble had been cleared, and scaffolding erected, but there was still much work to be done. Rey peered in through the doorway to the bar, and was surprised to see it was mostly intact. The explosions had hit largely the external structures and the large statue of Maz that had been erected in the courtyard, the head of which still lay fallen near the entrance to the bar, watching them with lifeless eyes as they entered.

“One of the construction workers was giving me the side eye,” Ben said, following her in. “We’d better keep our heads down.”

Rey wandered around the bar, feeling for Maz’s presence. She soon emerged from the basement.

“Ahh,” Maz smiled. “Here you are. I’ve been expecting you two.”

“You have?” Rey marvelled. “Oh. Huh,” she smiled. “Leia has visited you.”

“My mother?” Ben asked. “She hasn’t even visited me.”

“She doesn’t like to interfere too much,” Maz waved him off. “But it’s good to see she got through that thick skull of yours in the end, Ben Solo.”

“Well, that’s just not true,” Ben denied. “My mother brings down empires with interfering.”

“Ha ha, yeah,” Maz smiled. “Yeah, she does. Come. Have a drink.”

Maz dusted off three bottles of grog and placed them on the bar.

“You’re joining us?” Rey asked.

“It’s a celebration, isn’t it?” Maz returned.

“What is?” Rey tested.

“What you’ve come to ask me for,” Maz replied. “Well, go ahead. Ask me.”

“It’s got to remain a secret, Maz, this favour we have to ask,” Rey appealed.

Maz gave an impatient expression. “You know you can trust me. After all, I’ve known about this young man’s return for some time, and you’re still safe, aren’t you?”

“Thank you, Maz,” Ben said. “You sensed my return, did you?”

Maz nodded. “Now ask me.”

“We wish to be married,” Rey said.

“To each other?” Maz teased.

“To each other,” Ben confirmed, smiling.

“Will you please perform the ceremony for us?” Rey asked, hopefully.

“I haven’t officiated a marriage in over a century, but for you two kids, I think I’ll come out of retirement.”

Rey beamed. Ben thanked her.

Maz gestured all around her. “We’re all just trying to rebuild from the rubble. I’ve got a good feeling about you two. But you come here to get married dressed like that? Tut tut tut. Unacceptable.”

“It’s all we have,” Rey explained.

Maz rolled her eyes. “You, come with me. I have a gift for you both.”

Maz lead them down to the basement, where there were two long flat bags hanging from a railing.

“Open them,” Maz urged.

Rey opened the bag, and out plumed a cascade of feather-light fabric. She held it in her hands. It was sheer and soft to the touch, a translucent green. She ran her hand over the bodice, the cinched waist leading up to a haltered choker neckline. From the hanger draped a ribbon, a belt.

“It’s stunning,” Rey gasped. “I couldn’t.”

“I won’t hear any arguments. I spent hours sewing this last night in preparation to receive you. It is my gift and you will take it,” Maz insisted.

“You sew?” Rey smiled.

“I’m a thousand years old. I do everything I want,” Maz said, matter of factly. She turned to Ben. “And you,” she gestured for him to open his bag.

Ben pulled out a crisp navy blue suit, with a white shirt.

“It’s the best I could do,” Maz offered. “And I really wanted to get you out of all that black.”

“Thank you,” Ben said.

“Now go and scrub up. Wash that hair and get it out of your eyes,” Maz directed Ben.

“Okay, now you sound like my mother,” Ben said.

“Someone has to keep you in line, boy. I’m an old family friend. Who better?” Maz smiled.

“No one,” Ben admitted. “No one alive at least, Maz. I can’t thank you enough. I didn’t expect such generosity. I really am taken aback.”

“You do me one favour though. You take care of this one,” Maz said, gesturing to Rey. “With your life.”

“That’s the plan,” Ben agreed.

“Then you’re already sorted,” Maz said, happily.

***

Rey floated down the steps, barefoot, feeling ethereal in her floating green dress. Ben greeted her in the courtyard, handsome in his suit.

“I can’t believe you managed to make these to fit so beautifully, Maz,” Rey said. “They’re amazing.”

“I have a good eye for these things,” Maz replied. “The glasses also help. Now, where do you want to perform the ceremony.”

“I have an idea,” Ben said. “Follow me, ladies.”

Ben stalked through the forest, stopping to lift Rey over obstacles where the path became rough. They came to a series of boulders forming a channel.

“I recognise this place,” Rey murmured in wonderment, surveying the canopy of trees above them.

“This was the place we first met,” Ben told her.

“This was the place you knocked me out and kidnapped me!” Rey exclaimed with indignation. “You really think this is an appropriate place for us to get married?”

Ben shrugged. “Don’t you?”

Rey laughed at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. “Yeah, well, I guess it’s pretty funny,” she agreed. When she stopped laughing, she sighed. “I didn’t know you could be funny.”

Ben shrugged again.

“Stop being so cute,” Rey chastised. “Okay Maz, go ahead.”

Maz read from a book, asking the pair to recite vows pledging to love, cherish, honour and protect one another through all the ups and downs of life and beyond. “Remember,” she said, “The true strength of any relationship is measured in bad times, not good. You must try to grow together through your struggles, and keep each other in mind, as you grow.”

At the conclusion of their vows, Ben lifted Rey into his arms, sweeping her off her feet and kissed her soundly on the mouth. He then placed her back on the ground.

“I carried you out of here last time,” he said. “This time I want you to take my hand and walk with me.”

Rey melted. “You planned this,” she realised.

“I can’t undo the past, Rey,” Ben said. “I can only venture to keep showing you the difference in who I was, and who I am.”

Rey kissed him again, and took his hand. “Take me home, Ben.”

***

Rey waited with anticipation in Ben’s cabin. She sat on the bed, then feeling awkward, rose and began pacing back and forth. She could feel the agitated stirring within him and it did nothing to calm her own nerves. This was it. The wedding night. The night of consummation, completion, perfection, carried to the utmost extent. Her head swam with anticipation.

She had asked him to give her some space so that she might prepare herself, but she could hear him prowling in the courtyard, feel his desire stoking and she feared that if she did not ready herself quickly he would almost ravage her to death when she opened the door.

She took some deep breaths and positioned herself by the window, arranging her dress in a flattering shape. She summoned her courage and called him in.

The door opened slowly. He was restraining himself as to not frighten her.

“Are you reading my mind?” she breathed.

“Yes,” Ben admitted.

“Don’t,” she said. “This isn’t a moment to think. It’s a moment to feel. Come and feel me,” she invited, immediately wishing she could stuff the words back into her mouth, realising she’d just released a caged beast.

Ben let out a low growl and stalked across the room to her. He pushed her roughly to the wall, pinning her with his mouth. “Temptress,” he accused. Rey slung her arms around his shoulders and pulled him back down, recapturing his lips. They broke apart, panting.

“Yes I am,” she challenged. Rey was going to tackle this evening the only way she knew how, by sparring with him. Desire flashed in her eyes as she jutted her chin, daring him to make a move. He cupped her buttocks, bringing her to him, grinding his yearning body against hers. She dropped her head to one side, offering her neck. He swept the hair back, cradling her head as he plunged his dewy lips to the sensitive flesh. Rey gasped at the sensation and he bit, clawing at her back. She whimpered as something wetted in the depths of her.

“Oh, Ben,” she moaned, heady with lust.

His hands swept the circumference of her body, making their way to palm her breasts through the sheer fabric of her dress. He ran his hand up to the neckline of the fabric and back down again.

“Take this off or I’m tearing it off,” he threatened, biting at her bottom lip.

“So impatient,” Rey murmured.

“You torment me,” Ben flashed, his eyes dark and ravenous.

Rey stepped to the center of the hut and raised her hands to the clasps at the back of her neck. She stopped, licked her lips tantalizingly and challenged him once more.

“You first.” She withdrew her hands letting them drop languidly at her hips.

Ben fell to his knees and threw back his head. “You’re killing me.”

“You’ve died before,” Rey smirked. “It didn’t do you any harm. Take it off.”

Ben shrugged the jacket off, tossing it aside, before standing and undoing the shirt, pulling it over his head to reveal the smooth skin of his upper body. Rey ran her hands over his chest, circling him, prowling around him. She delved her hands around the sides of his waist and undid the fastenings of his pants, sliding them to the ground, in one swift motion, along with his undergarments. She ran her fingertips over his exposed buttocks, tracing them over the curves of his spine up to his shoulder, where she used his body to leverage herself to lean in close to his ear and whisper, “Stay there until I say so.”

Rey did not say this because she was feeling commanding. She was taking a breath of air for herself for the oncoming wave that was about to capsize her and take her under.

She trembled as she undid the clasps of her dress, then fumbled with the ribbon belt, realising she should have taken it off first. She cursed under her breath as the knot caught and she teased it apart. Ben stood stoically, obeying her order. Eventually the knot gave way and the fabric cascaded to the floor. Rey slipped her underthings off and bowed her head.

“I’m ready,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

Ben turned, his eyes consuming the sight of her, his jaw clenching as though he were involuntarily chewing the vision before him.

He stepped close to her, and lifted her out of the halo of fabric and took her across the floor to the bed. She felt the heat in his belly as the evidence of his desire pressed into her own flesh. He tangled his fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck, tilting her head back and littering her neck and face with kisses.

“You’re not afraid anymore, are you?” he asked. “You feel it, like I do.”

“Yes,” Rey purred.

“I know what to do. Let me give you what you need,” Ben’s low timbre rolled in Rey’s ear. She relaxed into him and he guided her to the bed. He stroked her body sensually with the curl of his little finger, tickling her skin.

He ran a hand from her knee, up her thigh, and to the delicate, sensitive flesh at the apex. Rey squirmed, but Ben growled, and held her firm. He manipulated her, plucking the sensations from her with a determined delicacy. Rey held onto his broad shoulders, muffling the noises that threatened to burst forth with the flesh of his chest.

“Relax, Rey,” he instructed. “Let it happen. I want to hear you.”

Rey released him, whimpering, as he continued to stroke at her, urging her body into readiness.

Ben then took himself in hand and positioned himself upon her.

“Look at me, Rey,” Ben demanded. “I want to remember your face as I take you as my wife.”

Rey locked eyes with Ben and he thrust. Her eyes, closed, overwhelmed by the sensation. “Look at me,” Ben demanded, and she prised them open.

Little peals of pain and pleasure escaped Rey’s lips as Ben moved gently inside her.

“I can’t,” Rey gasped, a tear leaking from her eye. “It’s too intense.”

“Shhh, shhh,” Ben soothed. “I have you. I won’t let anything bad happen.”

Rey nodded, angling her head to his forearm for comfort. He lowered his body onto his elbows, the weight of him now pressing her into the mattress. The pace of him quickened and deepened. Rey cried out. Ben muffled her cries with his lips.

He was caught in the frenzy of it now, the waves of his desire cresting and crashing and Rey couldn’t fight it. She succumbed, the core of her heating like magma ready to break it’s mantle.

“Take me,” she begged. He complied.

“Are you mine, Rey?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Rey shuddered, the cascade of delectation coursing through the limits of her body and beyond.

“Fuck,” Ben exclaimed, sweat dripping from his brow. “Did you have to hit me with the full force of it like that, Rey? I couldn’t stop myself.”

“You...finished?” Rey peered at him happily.

Ben nodded. “We both did.”

“So that’s sex, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“That wasn’t so scary,” Rey smiled. “I liked it.”

Ben beamed at her and kissed her, the corners of his mouth turning up, pulling his pout away from her lips. “My wife,” he marveled, reverently. “Bravest woman in the galaxy.”


	12. Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Ben gets a little out of control in this chapter. Nothing graphic, just the threat of sexual violence.

Rey was enjoying her honeymoon too much to want to do a market run with fish, so she stayed in bed with Ben for most of the day. Later on, however, she gave Rose a call on her communicator. They gossiped together, or at least Rose did, Rey not willing to confide too much about the goings on of the island.

“Have you heard the latest?,” Rose asked Rey.

“Probably not. I’ve been preoccupied,” Rey answered, truthfully.

“Finn has taken on a new mission,” Rose said, “with the backing of the Republic.”

“What is it?” Rey asked. “It sounds exciting!”

Rose leaned in close to her communicator, her face looming large, as if to impress the importance of the following statement. “He’s hunting down Kylo Ren.”

Rey stared, her face impassive.

“Rey, did you hear me?” Rose asked.

“That doesn’t make any sense. Kylo Ren is dead,” Rey snapped. “Leia died bringing Ben Solo back to the light. It’s an affront to her memory.”

“Well, rumour has it that a man fitting his description was seen near Maz’s temple not too long ago. And there’s something else. He was with a girl.”

Fuck, thought Rey. “What does Maz have to say about this?” she asked.

“She denies it.”

“Well, there you go then,” said Rey. “Maz wouldn’t lie.”

“But the construction worker who saw him swears up and down that the guy was Kylo Ren.”

“Who is this construction worker anyway?” Rey asked.

“He’s a reliable witness,” Rose stated. “He knew Ben Solo before he turned to the dark side, when he was a Jedi in training. Rey, the girl’s description fits you.”

Rey frowned.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Rose said.

“Uh huh.”

“You’d tell me if you were in trouble, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m fine.”

“I worry about you. You keep to yourself. You haven’t told anyone at all where you live, not even me, and now there’s these rumours about Kylo Ren. Rey, if you’re in danger, just give me a signal. Blink twice or something. We could help you,” Rose offered.

“I’m not in danger,” Rey glared. “In case you don’t remember, I can handle myself, and like I said, Kylo Ren is dead.”

“What about Ben Solo?” Rose asked. “I know you always had trouble making that distinction, Rey.”

“Ben Solo is a hero. He died saving my life. Whatever he ever did wrong in a past life, he’s paid for. I can’t believe Finn and Poe didn’t trust my word on that. Finn’s got no right…”

“Got no right? To do what? I thought you said he was chasing a ghost,” Rose said, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “You’re hiding something.”

“I have to go,” Rey snapped.

“Rey!”

“Goodbye, Rose.”

Rey shut off the communicator. Fuck.

***

“They’re coming. I don’t know when. I don’t think they know where we are, but they’re looking,” Rey told Ben. “Rose might be able to piece together the clues. The fish. The places they know I’ve been. It’s not much to go on, but it’s enough to lead them here.”

“Rey, what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that I don’t want to fight my friends,” Rey exclaimed, fretting.

“But?” Ben prompted.

“They don’t believe me. They don’t believe you died on Exegol. There was no body to prove you were dead. They never believed the truth as I told it and now they’re coming for you. If they find you alive, they’ll want to punish you.”

“And what do you think?”

Rey admitted, “I think you’ve been punished enough.”

“And who has the higher authority, us or your friends?”

Rey shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. The Republic?”

“No, Rey. It’s whoever is willing to fight the hardest for it. You know this,” Ben asserted.

“You want me to choose sides,” Rey whispered.

Ben kissed her softly on the lips, once, twice. “I don’t think we can hide anymore,” Ben said. “But that doesn’t mean we have to bow before them. We’re powerful, Rey. We stay here on this island because we have no other peaceful place in the galaxy, but if we go out into it, we could rule it. No one could stand in our way. Not while we stand together.”

“I won’t wage a war. Never, Ben. You can’t ask that of me,” Rey said. “Even if it wasn’t my friends, I’d still not want things to go back to the way they’ve been in this galaxy.”

Ben sighed. “I know. I saw enough destruction in the portals in the War Between Worlds. I understand your desire for peace.”

The pair sat in silence for a while.

“Rey,” Ben eventually started. “I could surrender myself.”

“Ben, no,” Rey whined. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“We’ll never be parted, not really. I can see you any time through our force connection. They can’t keep me captive, not from you.”

“But you already paid for what you did. You sacrificed your life,” Rey cried.

“Is that enough though?” Ben asked. “I know what I did. You know it plagues me. One life for the countless I took, it doesn’t begin to tip the scales into balance. Your friends would be justified to seek more justice.”

“You can’t let your guilty feelings be an excuse to allow yourself to be unjustly and harshly punished. The force itself determined you redeemed. The new Republic is nothing compared to the force. I won’t stand for it,” Rey cried.

“Do you want me to fight them, Rey? I will, for you. I’ll kill them all and fight for our freedom to live without their interference. They’ll learn. I’ll teach them their place,” Ben promised. “You just need to say so.”

“No,” Rey cried, horrified at the suggestion. “That’s worse. To have you turn dark again, that’s worse than losing you entirely. It would torture you. No.”

“Well, I can’t just tell them I’m a good boy now and expect a rap on the knuckles, can I? I did what I did, Rey. Maybe I should have stayed dead and got away with it.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Rey fumed, hot angry tears spilling from her eyes. “Don’t you dare!”

“You’re the only person who wants me alive, Rey. You have to understand that,” Ben said.

“I can’t do this,” Rey cried, her face in her hands. “I’m torn, Ben. It’s agony. It’s too painful. I can’t bear to lose you and I won’t kill to save you. It would unbalance everything we’ve worked for, everything we’ve sacrificed for. We’re not hurting anybody. Why can’t they just let well enough alone?”

“Because it’s not in their nature. They want retribution.”

Rey cried. “It’s not right.”

“Maybe not. But it’s what they’ll get. When the time comes, I’ll accept the punishment. If it has to be a choice of personal sacrifice for a greater good, for the prevention of another war, I could do it for you, Rey, even if you think what your friends would dole out as punishment would be unfair for me.”

“Oh, Ben,” Rey sighed, sniffing away her tears, planting herself in his lap and kissing him soundly. “It’s not fair, but that’s really a very heroic gesture. If my friends are going to lock you away, we’d better make the most of the time we have.”

Ben nibbled hotly at her lips. “What is it with you and captivity getting you off?” he teased.

“Stop,” Rey blushed. “I’m sad. Don’t make me laugh.”

“So you’re not up for a little interrogation?” Ben teased, mouthing at Rey’s neck. “You know I can take whatever I want.”

“Stop it. I should never have let you into my head. You only use it against me,” Rey laughed. She kissed him. “I love you, Ben.”

“I know,” Ben replied. “I feel it too.”

***

Rey woke that night in the bed she shared with Ben, a tug at her wrist. She peered into the darkness, the room illuminated only by moonlight, to find her wrists and ankles had been bound.

Ben crouched beside her, completing the bind on her ankle.

“Ben, what are you doing?”

“Ben’s not here,” he growled.

Rey began to quiver, an icy chill making her skin prickle. “I know you were joking earlier, but this isn’t funny, Ben. What’s gotten into you?” she said. “You’re scaring me.”

“You should be scared. I am. I’m scared of what I’m about to do.” Ben moved back from the bed, surveying his work.

“Untie me,” Rey demanded.

“No. No, Rey. I need this and you’re going to give it to me. I won’t suffer another rejection from you,” he snarled.

Rey pulled on the straps binding her arms and ankles and said, louder, “Ben, stop it now. Let me go.”

“That’s not my name,” he said, low and threatening. “You know my name. Say it.”

Rey stared at him, her brow furrowed.

“Say it,” he snarled. His eyes were dark glass, his face rigid, belying a seething rage.

“Kylo Ren,” Rey whimpered, the name hitching in her throat. She didn’t want to believe it.

“That’s right.”

A tear welled up in Rey’s eye.

“What are you going to do to me?”

“I’m going to push the dark side in you, Rey. I know you won’t let yours out to play easily, you’ve been keeping it so repressed. I know I have to push you, like I did in the desert on Pasaana, then you’ll see.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Rey whimpered softly.

“Because the dark side is in my nature. I need to know if you can accept what is in my nature and in yours. You married Ben Solo, you inherited me.”

“Kylo Ren is dead,” Rey whispered.

“Aww, tch. No,” he shook his head and smiled sinisterly, running a lazy finger between Rey’s breasts and down her stomach. She recoiled to his touch. “Is that really what you thought? It’s what you hoped. Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, they’re just two personas in the one man, a man who treads the line between the light and the dark. Ben Solo chose the light for you, Rey, but you want to send him away. You won’t fight for him. You would sacrifice your hero again.”

Ben snorted angrily and shook the bed, thrusting it into the wall. Rey let out a squeal.

“The light in you won’t fight for the light in him, Rey. Do you know what happens to Ben Solo when the people he loves don’t love him? Do you?” There was a menacing desperation in his voice that chilled Rey to the core.

“Don’t hurt me, Ben,” Rey begged. “I don’t want to hurt you back.”

“You cry out for your beloved Ben, he might come to rescue you, but I doubt it. I won’t go without a fight, Rey. I’m going to make you mine, the way I always intended. Then you won’t want me to leave. Maybe when I’ve unleashed your darkness you’ll be more willing to make the sacrifices necessary to keep me around this time.” Rey could sense the anguish in him, the heartache at what he perceived to be a betrayal, the yearning for acceptance and she wanted to soothe him, but she couldn’t bring herself to capitulate to his misguided desires.

“I do love you, Ben. I want more than anything for you to stay with me, but I won’t have war. Hurt me if you must, turn me to the dark side if you dare, but it won’t change that. It won’t change that.” Tears streamed unabated down her cheeks. “I love you, but you must trust me that only peace can save you, even if that means sacrificing being together. I won’t wage war with you against the Republic no matter what you do.”

“You leave me no choice, Rey. I have to try everything I know how to make you see things my way. You should prepare yourself. It will hurt,” he promised. “This will be something you’ll never forget, I’ll make sure of it.”

He raised his hand next to her head and felt out telepathically with the force. “Show it to me,” he demanded. “Show me your dark desires.” He dropped his hand, disappointed. “Oh, Rey. My sweet innocent bride. You don’t even know yourself yet. Such power inside you lying dormant. Don’t worry,” he said, moving intimately to her ear. “I’ll wake it up.”


	13. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Flashbacks of the previous night's sexual violence perpetrated by Ben. I wrote it as not exactly non-consensual, but it may trigger some, as the lines are definitely very blurry and open to interpretation.

Rey sat on the rock where Luke had first taught her about the force at first light and stared out over the ocean. She was changed inside and the feeling confused her. She had thought she had balanced the light and the dark within her by limiting their use, preventing herself from letting the power out because she was frightened what a thousand generations of force within her would do once released. Ben, Kylo Ren, he wouldn’t allow her to be cautious. He took that control from her. He took it upon himself to unleash it all.

He hadn’t lied. It had hurt. Her body was bruised from where his teeth and hands had been rough upon her flesh. Her scalp was sensitive where he had pulled her hair, wresting her body the way he demanded it. She was sore in her sensitive places from his vigorous attentions. The most pervasive exhaustion, however, was in her mind, weary from his repeated telepathic manipulations, designed to break down her defenses, expose her vulnerabilities, which he then exploited, taking pleasure in her undoing. He’d broken her apart in every way possible.

He’d called her his Empress.

She never called out for Ben. Never asked him to stop. She’d given herself up completely and utterly to Kylo Ren.

She was still coming to terms with that. She’d liked it. She’d liked the pain, the dark power of it, the urgency. It felt like a betrayal of her former self, who had fought so hard against the dark. Now she had been seduced. Now she had given in to her darker half. She would never be the same.

She understood now what Ben had needed from her. Permission to not be good, to not hold back, to indulge in the darkest parts of his own nature. He had been trying so hard to be kind and decent, but his dark desires still plagued him. The need to conquer. The desire for her to submit to him. The vengeance at having been denied so long. All this combined with the trauma of his past, making him irrational and mercurial. She understood, because now she felt it too, the power in those darker driving forces.

Rey knew she was more powerful than Ben. She could have defeated him if she had truly wanted to. A blast of lightening and he would have been off her in moments, but she hadn’t fought it. At first she was frightened, then curious, and she had allowed it. He’d needed her to turn dark so desperately, and through their connection, she too found herself desiring it. It had been a liberating experience to not have to be responsible for holding back the dark within herself, to have Ben take charge and presume control. Ben had broken her down, physically, emotionally, mentally, until she was weak to his every suggestion. He’d commanded her to stop holding on, to let go once more, and in her ravaged state she had, and the darkness had poured out of her in pulses and waves and tantalizing electricity. She had succumbed.

Now it was over, the light had returned, and she felt relieved to have let the dark escape, if only for a time. When Ben had first returned, when he’d soothed her nightmares, he had advised her to embrace the darkness with a pure and just heart. She needn’t have been afraid of it. She hadn’t hurt anyone, would not hurt anyone, just as she had promised before Ben had even touched her. There was nothing destructive about the darkness within her, unless she wanted there to be. She had maintained her control while finding a balance of freedom in letting go.

When it was over and he saw that her darkness had abated, Ben had asked her if she could still love him, having experienced all of what he was, the rawness, the brutality, not just the light. She hadn’t given him an answer, and he had slept fitfully with her scooped into his body like an infant with it’s toy, until she had left him to meditate on the events at first light.

Her heart broke for him. Everything he’d done, he’d done out of the desperate need to not be sent away, like his parents had done to him, like his Uncle had done when he had betrayed him. Ben was broken, and he’d tried to break her, but where he’d failed, she wouldn’t. She could make him secure in her love, and help him heal his wounds. They were two that were one. She wouldn’t abandon him.

She now knew she could love him. In fact, she thought she loved him more. More deeply and with more parts of herself than she had allowed herself to give previously. She could love him in more than one shade.

She descended from the rock to seek him out to let him know so.

She found him at the precipice tossing rocks off the cliff.

When he saw her, he rushed to her, brushing the bruises on her arms forlornly. “Did I hurt you very badly, Rey? Let me heal you,” he offered.

Rey gave a miniscule nod, and Ben began by healing the bruises on her arms and chest. He ran his hands through her hair and took away the ache in her scalp, soothed the thrashing thoughts in her mind. He scooped her back, then her buttocks, and moved down her legs, stroking and soothing, before returning upwards, cupping her, comforting her where she ached the most from his intensity.

Ben started to shake. “I’ve failed you. When I married you I wanted to prove to you I’m a better man, but I couldn’t. I was born with darkness in me, there’s no point trying to deny it. The dark side makes me impulsive. I couldn’t contain it. I can’t. You should leave me, Rey, for doing that to you.” Ben fell to his knees and sobbed. “I can’t promise I won’t do it again. I’ll need to do it again.”

Rey got down on her knees too and held Ben steady. “Don’t be afraid, Ben. I love you.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“I could never hate you. I have that darkness in me too, Ben, but it’s new and frightening to me. I would have stifled it, letting it give me nightmares, letting it explode out of me with a vengeance out of my control, but last night you showed me a different way. You showed me how to embrace it, to release it safely, in your care.”

“You call what I did, care?”

“You freed me,” Rey said, gently. “Yes, I call that care.”

“I tortured you, Rey. Those were torture techniques and…” Ben cringed, looking disgusted with himself. “...and my own perversions. I took what I wanted. I took everything I wanted.”

“Ben,” Rey whispered in his ear, kissing his face sweetly, soothingly. “I love you. I wanted you to have it.”

“It won’t be like that every time, I promise. I can be gentle too. Let me be gentle with you, Rey,” he pleaded, desperately, petting her. “Let me make it up to you.”

“Just hold me now, Ben, hold me and tell me that you love me.”

“I do. I do. I love you. I’m so sorry for hurting you, Rey,” he said, so contrite, after having been so savage.

“You released the dark in me, Ben. Selfishly, recklessly. You couldn’t have known the consequences of your actions and what’s worse, you didn’t care. You couldn’t possibly predict what it would do to me, what I could do with the darkness unleashed, how dangerous it was.”

“I know. I didn’t think. I didn’t care to think about it. I just wanted you, Rey, all of you, so desperately,” Ben said. “I’m ashamed.”

Rey held him reassuringly. “It’s not all bad. I don’t have to be afraid of losing control of my dark side anymore. I know I can wield it now without hurting anyone, unless I choose to. It’s been liberating. You actually did me a favour,” Rey offered, kindly.

“You’re not mad?”

Rey shook her head. “No one else could have done what you did. No one in the galaxy, no one that’s every existed at any point in time other than now, other than you. You’re the other part of me. My complement. You challenge me, but in doing so, you make me stronger. I need you, Ben.”

“You take me as I am?” Ben marveled.

“Yes, always, but you’re going to have to live with what you unleashed in me too.”

He cupped her face, stroking her soft cheek gently, and pulling her to him by the waist before kissing her. “My Empress.”

“My husband,” Rey said, giving a wry smile, draping her arms around his neck and kissing him in return. “Whatever name you go by.”


	14. Surrender

The days and weeks passed and the island remained undisturbed. The vegetable crops were nearing their harvest, according to the books the old farmer’s wife, Gala, had left Rey. They would have plenty of food for the winter months without having to brave the storms to fish and scavenge. Ben had given Rey the most wonderful gift, the gift of food and comfort, and a real home where she was loved to her entirety for the first time in her life. Rey returned Ben’s gifts with a steady grace and reassuring presence. She loved him as ardently as he loved her, and she made no qualms about voicing it.

Rey started reading Ben’s writings on the dark side of the force, no longer fearful of the knowledge. She grew in confidence that the power itself was not to be feared, providing she be firm with her own ethical choices.

Ben had returned to his familiar warm, light persona, having secured in Rey what he had so desperately craved, her full and unwavering acceptance. They explored their intimate natures together, unafraid, and strengthened their bond together unashamedly. Ben, ever true to his word, showed Rey how gentle he could be, focusing at first on rebuilding her trust in him in a physical way, until she urged him otherwise. When she assured him that she wouldn’t break, that he could pour his darkness into her, he did with unrestrained virility. Her eyes would turn red, her thoughts heady with desire, but her darkness didn’t crave destruction, it craved pleasure and pain and chaos and life and indulgence and ecstasy. Ben adored her for it, though turning on her darkness did nothing for his cause to stay with her permanently. It was a pleasure they both indulged in, knowing that it could be interrupted at any time, making it all the more intensely savoured.

She and Ben had discussed what they would do if Ben was discovered in depth over the weeks, and now more confident that Rey would not abandon him, Ben had once again conceded that fighting to be together was not worth outright war with the new Republic. The force had determined him redeemed upon his last death, he didn’t want to go down the same dark path, as finding salvation from an irredeemable place twice over was unlikely. He would quit while he was ahead and argue his case and hope for leniency from the new Republic and attempt to stay one with the light side of the force.

Rey had promised that she would constantly connect with him via their force bond, that he wouldn’t go through any of it alone, and that steeled Ben’s determination further, though when no one from the Resistance came searching, they both began to relax, thinking that all of their worry had been for nothing.

That was, until the day Rey felt the change in the force. Finn was coming.

Ben emerged from their cabin, shrugging on his cloak, having felt it too.

They looked at each other in mutual understanding. Their time together was coming to a close.

“I think you should go back inside for now,” Rey suggested. “Let me talk to him first.”

“As you wish,” Ben huffed.

Finn’s ship flew over the island, circled and then threatened to land on the plateau where the crops were planted. Rey ran over in frustration and pulled it with the force to save the plants and dropped him lower down the escarpment, where the terrain was not as flat, but would support the landing gear.

“Rey! What the hell?” Finn exclaimed as he jumped out of the cockpit.

“Finn, you nearly crushed my fucking crops!” Rey shouted. “It took me three months to grow those!”

“Ha ha!” shouted Finn. “It’s so good to see you!” He ran to Rey and scooped her into a twirling hug. “We’ve all been so worried about you. Rose said you wouldn’t answer her calls, and then we all had to get together to try to figure out where you could be. We had no clue until Chewbacca suggested you might have come here to the Jedi temple.”

“You found me,” Rey smiled, weakly.

“Look, Rey, I’ve got a big favour to ask, and I know I’m cutting to the chase, because we really should catch up first, but I’m not actually here for a social call. I know Rose told you what I’ve been trying to do, to hunt down Kylo Ren. I had this one lead where a witness said he saw a guy who looked like Kylo Ren with a girl who looked an awful lot like you. I was hoping you could tell me more. I mean, I’ve had these strange encounters with this dark force presence in the outer regions, but they’re vague. I can’t seem to pinpoint it, whoever it is, where ever it is. I just know that this threat is real. I thought, seeing as you’re more in tune with the force you could help me seek out where the disturbance in the force is. That might lead us to him, you know?”

Rey pursed her lips angrily and spoke through gritted teeth. “I keep telling the Resistance, Kylo Ren died when Leia died. She turned Ben Solo back to the light side of the force. It’s not that hard a concept. And you! You were even there! You should know better. What are you doing?”

“Now Rey, I don’t know what happened. All I saw is you two fighting and then you took off in his ship. I didn’t know if he’d kidnapped you or what. The waves obscured the view. Your story never made sense to me. It’s nonsensical,” Finn declared.

“It’s not if you understand the force. Maybe you weren’t in tune to it then. Let me try to explain again. Kylo Ren is dead. Leia turned him back to the light and he dropped his lightsaber and I stabbed him with it. Then, when I sensed Leia die, I healed Ben Solo. Kylo Ren dead. Ben Solo alive. Got it?” Rey asked, annoyance evident in every enunciation.

“If you say so,” Finn shrugged.

“Then I took Kylo Ren’s ship and went here to hide. Luke Skywalker convinced me to face Emperor Palpatine. I took Luke’s ship to Exegol. I was going to lose the fight and be forced to become the Sith Empress. Ben Solo came to rescue me, to fight with me, which he did. He’s a hero, Finn, not a villain. He defeated Snoke, he defeated the guards at Exegol and he defeated the Knights of Ren. He’s done more for peace in this galaxy than half the Resistance. I beat the emperor, but the only reason I’m alive is because Ben Solo sacrificed his life to heal me after the fight.” Rey puffed. “It can’t get any clearer than that. He died. Stop looking for him. Go home, Finn,” Rey implored.

“Uh uh,” Finn shook his head. “I may not be as strong with the force as you, but I know there’s something squiffy here.”

“Squiffy?” Rey snorted.

“Cockeyed. Off-center.”

“Everything on this island is perfectly balanced, Finn,” Rey assured him. “Maybe you’re the one who’s off-center. Maybe it’s your storm-trooper training but not everything requires a military solution. Maybe it was wrong of me to train you to use the force.”

“You think I’m wrong? I’m telling you, Rey, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whatever, he’s a war criminal and where ever he disappeared to, he’s back. I believe he survived Exegol. I believe he’s still alive and still a threat that does require a military solution. We have to stop him before he can rise to power again. We can’t risk a new empire.”

“And what would you do with him, Finn? Execute him?”

Finn suddenly looked up behind Rey, his eyes widened and he drew his lightsaber, igniting the blade. “Stand back, Rey.”

Rey turned and saw Ben. He nodded to her. She backed away.

Ben called out from a distance. “You know you can’t beat me.”

Finn turned to Rey. “You told me he was dead. You lied to me! You lied right to my face.”

“No, Finn,” Rey said. “Every word I said to you was true. Ben Solo did die on Exegol.”

“Then how is he standing right there?” Finn asked, pointing the light saber at Ben, who stood unarmed, his lightsaber still in it’s holster. “Why is he standing right there?”

“Because I brought him back, Finn. I saved him from the Netherworld of Unbeing and made him corporeal again. He was dead. He’s now alive. It was my choice, my responsibility,” Rey said. “I’ve been watching over him. You needn’t involve yourself or the new Republic. You could just leave, Finn. Trust me and leave. He won’t hurt anyone.”

“Why would you want him alive, Rey? He’s a monster. Those are your words.” Finn glared at Rey, then at Ben, seemingly unsure of who the greatest threat of the two of them was.

“He saved me,” Rey said. “A life for a life.” Rey stepped towards Ben and took his hand. “We’re connected, Finn, bonded. We always will be.”

“You’re together? Like, physically?” Finn said, his face contorted with disgust. “I’m gonna be sick.”

“You only say that because you couldn’t win her,” Ben taunted. “She’d never be satisfied by you. You haven’t got the spine.”

“Has he forced you, Rey? Is that it?” Finn asked. He warned Ben, “If you've hurt her…”

Ben gave a loud bark of a laugh. “She likes it rough,” he taunted Finn, cruelly.

Fury contorted over Finn’s face and he rushed at Ben, lightsaber in attack position. “Motherfucker.”

Rey extended her reach with the force, holding the two men apart.

“Enough! Ben, shut up! Now, if you two have stopped measuring dicks, maybe we can talk this through,” Rey snarled.

“You’ve fucked this guy? Seriously, Rey?” Finn was flabbergasted. “How could you stand to let him touch you?”

“Because he’s my husband, Finn,” Rey told him. “And I love him.”

“Awww, no. That’s fucked up.” Finn claimed. “He’s kept you trapped here on this island and done something to your mind, Rey. This isn’t you. You would never...”

“No,” Rey denied. “He’s a good man, Finn. Ben Solo is a good man. He’s been good and kind to me. He’s my friend, my lover, my partner and my husband. And to prove to you all that he is a good man, he’s going to go with you without a fight, to face whatever trial the new Republic want to put him under for what he did in a past life.”

“He is?” Finn asked, incredulously.

“I am,” Ben agreed.

“The only condition,” Rey said, “And this is my condition, is that execution is off the table. No death sentence. He already died once. The force deemed him redeemed. Whatever punishment the new Republic want to dole out, it’s not death. He gets to live a life for the first time in his life. He’s owed that much and I demand it. The Republic owe me that much.”

“What if I can’t guarantee that, Rey?” Finn tested.

“Then you’re going to be responsible for the consequences,” Rey threatened.

“You gonna fight me, Rey?” Finn asked, gravely.

“Only if you make me,” Rey replied. “And Finn, you really don’t want to make me.”

Finn assessed the seriousness of Rey’s expression, then pulled out his communicator and contacted Poe. He explained the situation, explained that he’d found Ben unexpectedly and that even more unexpectedly, that he was prepared to surrender, providing his life wasn’t in danger by doing so. After Poe conferred with a few people, he gave Finn the clearance to tell Ben and Rey what they wanted to hear. “Okay, if he comes peacefully, no death sentence.”

Ben unhitched his lightsaber. He held it out to Rey.

“Watch he doesn’t stab you through the chest with it, Rey,” Finn warned. “You know he does that shit to family.”

Rey took the lightsaber, lifting it gently from Ben’s palm. She closed her eyes, forlorn, head downcast.

Ben lifted her chin and stroked her lip with his thumb. “Don’t be sad. I’ll always be with you,” Ben whispered.

Rey threw herself against him so hard she nearly knocked him back. “You never even got to eat anything we planted,” she lamented.

“Oh, my little scavenger, that was never for me. That was my gift to you. Eat and get fat,” Ben grinned. “You’d look good with a bit of meat on you.”

“I love you,” Rey smiled sadly.

“And I love you,” Ben returned.

“This is the right thing to do,” Rey reassured him. “Maybe it’ll bring you some peace of mind in the process. You can stop punishing yourself so heavily in your mind, and at the very least, you’re not adding to your burden with more killing.”

“Maybe,” Ben shrugged.

“I’m going to do everything I can to keep you in the light, Ben Solo. It’s my purpose as your dyad partner. It always has been.”

“I’d rather you keep me in your bed,” Ben complained. They exchanged a lingering kiss, determined to not be distracted by Finn’s groans of disgust.

Ben walked over to Finn, offering his wrists for handcuffing, which Finn rolled his eyes at. “Like they’d even work on you. You’d better be true to your word though, or you’re getting another lightsaber to the gut and trust me, I won’t be healing you back up.”

Rey tailed behind the pair. “Finn, are we okay?” she asked. “I want us to be friends.”

“You’re fucking lucky I don’t take you in too for harbouring a fugitive. You’re really stretching the definition of friendship right now, Rey,” Finn snapped. He led Ben over to his ship and guided him to the passenger seat. He turned to walk around to the pilot’s side and Rey followed him, arguing her case.

“Finn, you have to believe that Ben won’t turn back to the dark side. He’s no threat. We’ve lived peacefully here for months. He’s not planning anything that deserves punishment. I really think you’re being unreasonable pursuing him considering he became one of the Resistance’s greatest allies in the end,” Rey said.

“Wow,” said Finn. “I don’t even know what to say to that. You’ve lost all your perspective, Rey. You were our fucking saviour. Now look at you. I couldn’t be more disgusted.”

Rey took a step back, her nostrils flaring angrily. “I have to do what’s right for me, Finn. I’m sorry you can’t understand my motivations. If you can accept that’s just the way I need it to be then there’s no reason we can’t all get along.”

“Except that I loved you and you never loved me,” Finn fumed.

“Finn, that’s not fair. You know how much I care for you as a friend. That really means something to me, but I can’t be in love with someone just because they want me to be. Love doesn’t work that way.”

“But you love him. You know they call him the Jedi killer, right? He’s killed people like us and many more besides. It’s him you love, Rey. Really?” Finn pointed at Ben, who was putting his feet up on Finn’s control panel disrespectfully.

“Yes,” she declared, vehemently.

“You’re right. I don’t understand, and I don’t wanna know. Goodbye Rey. I guess I’ll see you at the arraignment hearing. Your _husband_ can let you know the details.”

***

The arraignment hearing was set for the following day, Ben had told Rey via their force link. Only legal representatives and family members would be allowed in the courtroom. The public were not allowed in, for safety reasons. The judge didn’t want to deal with a riot.

Ben’s cell was no smaller than the cabin, and he was comfortable enough, and he said that his “captors,” Rey’s former friends and allies, the new Republic, were treating him well enough.

“Are you scared?” Rey asked.

“I don’t know what kind of law this new Republic will try to enforce. In the old days, under the Sith law, they used to execute people by throwing them to wild animals. Anything less than that would be a mercy, considering what I’ve done, Rey,” Ben said, solemnly.

“But it wasn’t you!” Rey argued.

“It was, Rey, and you know it. I know you like to draw this distinction between the light side of me and the dark but the truth is it’s all there, all the time, both light and dark, and your friends either can’t or won’t make the distinction as you do. I did those things. I killed my father, ordered villages decimated, participated in genocide on global scales. I did it because I thought I had the right and the power,” Ben admitted.

“But, you helped save more,” Rey whispered. “We defeated the Emperor. We defeated the Final Order.”

“No, Rey,” Ben said, sadly. “That was you, not me. The only person I ever cared about or ever saved was you.”

“But you came…”

“It didn’t help.”

“You stopped me becoming the Sith Empress.”

“Did I though?” Ben asked.

“Yes, you did. You and no one else. The Sith would still be in power, through me, if you hadn’t come,” Rey asserted. “The Final Order, they would have decimated the galaxy, through me. You saved them all by saving me.”

“Then that’s my only defense,” Ben said. “And it’s only a half-truth. Rey, I don’t know how people are going to respond if they find out about your Sith half. I’d rather keep you out of it. As far as they know, you’re all good.”

“Do you have anyone to represent you?” Rey asked. “Have they assigned you legal counsel?”

“I met with him yesterday. Jargeth Cals is his name, from here on Coruscant. Supposed to be pretty experienced but I don’t think he can be that good if he’s a public defender. It’s all we can afford though.”

“The odds do seem pretty stacked against us, don’t they?” Rey said with chagrin.

“We’ll see. Tomorrow they’ll read the charges. Then we’ll have up to six weeks to compile a defense.”

“Then I’ll be there to hear the charges and support you,” Rey assured him.

“Rey,” Ben said. “I want you to know, so you can prepare yourself, the things you’re going to hear about me, they’re going to make you sick. You’re never going to look at me the same way once you hear it.”

“That’s not true, Ben. I know what you were. I saw it in your mind in the mirror cave. It doesn’t change who you are to me now. It won’t make me love you less.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Ben said, kissing her, his lips quivering.

“Shhh,” Rey cajoled. “Yes you do, and in that regard, there’s no higher authority than me.”

***

Rey sat in the small courtroom of the Senate House on Coruscant. There had been some furor out the front of the building as she entered, with people picketing, holding up signs calling for the death penalty for Ben, having heard, she supposed, that there would be none in this case. Rey couldn’t bear to look at them. She had plowed through the crowd as fast as she could.

The doors to the courtroom opened. Ben walked in, slouched as though he were physically weighed down by his mental burdens, like he used to be. He was not the tall, free, strong man she had come to know him as on Ahch-To. He had suffered so much under the oppression of other’s regimes, Snoke’s, the Emperor's. He was as much a victim as anyone else, she thought. It angered her to see him subjugated once more by people who claimed freedom from oppression was their cause.

When he saw her sitting in the gallery he brightened and nodded at her. She blew him a kiss.

The proceedings went much to be expected, except the reading of the charges took far longer than Rey ever expected and went into details that horrified her. Ben was right, the things he was being accused of, they were monstrous and sickening. The acts of a warmonger and aggressor.

At the conclusion, as the guards were escorting Ben back to his cell, Finn leaned in and whispered to her, “Do you see now? Do you see what you’ve thrown your lot in with?”

“He’s changed, Finn,” Rey asserted. “He knows more than you ever will the price of what he did. He isn’t that man anymore.”

Finn snorted derisively. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Then give him a chance,” Rey pleaded. “Hear him out.”

“What do you think we’re doing, Rey? We’re not savages. This is a fair and democratic hearing. It’s more than he deserves.”

“Except you and all those other people out the front have already made your conclusions. Does my word that the force itself absolved him count for nothing?”

“No, Rey, it doesn’t, and as his wife we can’t even call you to testify, not that we’d want to. I don’t know what he has over you, but I can see you’re lost to it,” Finn said.

“I’d gladly testify,” Rey claimed, angrily. “Then you’ll be the one to see, Finn.”


	15. Defense

Ben’s lawyer, Jargeth Cals, had come to Ben’s prison to discuss their legal case the day after the arraignment.

They sat together in a private room and ran through the list of accusations, which began when Ben was not much older than a child.

The first charge pertained to the accusation that Ben had destroyed Luke Skywalker’s Jedi temple and killed many of the students, the act which had earned him the moniker, the Jedi Killer. Ben tried to explain the reasons for his actions.

“Snoke never made me kill the Jedi students and burn down my master’s temple,” Ben said. “I did that on my own, though Luke thought I was being influenced by Snoke, and that’s apparently why he attacked me.”

“Yes, but from what you’ve recounted, you acted largely in self-defense,” Jargeth said. “That’s what we’ll argue.”

“Is that what you believe?” Ben asked, surprised. “You believe I was defending myself when I summoned lightening and razed the temple to the ground?”

“What I believe doesn’t matter. It’s my job to represent your best interests, using the law to the best of my ability.”

“They did want to kill me,” Ben admitted. “Three of the Jedi students even hunted me down after I left. They didn’t believe I acted in self-defense the night of the fire. They thought I must have done something for Luke to turn on me. No one ever believes me that he attacked me while I was sleeping. Not Luke Skywalker, the rebel hero. It’s fucking bullshit how much credit that guy gets.”

“We’ll try to compile enough evidence that they’ll have to believe you,” Jargeth told him. 

“You won’t find any evidence,” Ben told him. “Everything was burned to the ground. There’s nothing there to prove my innocence. There’s only destruction.”

“Hmm,” Jargeth muttered. “Speaking of which, what do you say in regards to the destruction of the entire Hosnian system by the star-killer base, including planets Courtsilius, Raysho, Hosnian, Cardota, and Hosnian Prime?” 

Ben argued that it was Armitage Hux who was in charge of  Snoke’s military at that time and had ordered the  star-killer  weapons fired.  Ben claimed he actually had very little to do with it. 

Jargeth said, “I’ll move to have those charges dropped.  T hat c anno t be held Kylo Ren’s  sole  responsibility  surely?  Not with the size and scale of the operation and the details of the military workings of the First Order you’ve given. ”

Ben shrugged. 

The next charge Ben freely admitted to. He had lead a massacre in the village of Tehar and killed King Kristoff of Benthany and started a war there. He told Jargeth how he also ended the war by killing the Benthany’s deity, a Zillo beast and had enlisted the people of the Benthany to the First Order.

“It was a relatively small massacre,” Ben said. “The recruits were a boon for the First Order, as we converted them all to our cause with relative ease and little resistance. The religious are easily influenced when given a new idol to worship, one stronger than their previous idol. I was well rewarded for my efforts by Snoke for filling that role. I gained much of his confidence during that particular incursion.”

“You did this as Snoke’s apprentice and war chief?” Jargeth asked.

Ben nodded.

“We’ll circle back to that one.”

Ben also admitted he was responsible for giving the order to kill all of the occupants of the Tuanul spiritual village on Jakku when he was hunting for the map to Luke Skywalker, and for the murder of Han Solo. 

“Let’s talk about those two separately,” Jargeth suggested. “The village of Tuanul will probably require a similar argument to the village of Tehar. We could argue that you were working under the coercion of Supreme Leader, Snoke. You weren’t solely responsible for your actions.”

“You think a judge and jury would buy that argument?” Ben asked.

“You were under duress, by your very nature, which conflicted you and led you to the dark side of the force,” Jargeth told him. “It’s a line of defense I’ll lean heavily into. You were exploited, Ben. You were isolated and vulnerable and used by those more powerful than yourself.”

“You’re going to make me look weak,” Ben said bitterly. “I’ve killed people for less.”

“It’s a means to an end. Do you want your freedom?” Jargeth asked.

B en grunted his affirmation.

“We have to use every angle we can, even if your pride suffers. Now, tell me about your father.”

“I thought it would make me stronger, to be rid of my past. I was wrong. It is my greatest regret,” Ben said. “I wish I could undo it every single day.”

“Why did you do it? Did Snoke put you up to it?” Jargeth prompted.

Ben nodded, sadly. “It’s what he taught me as I trained as his Sith apprentice. It’s what the Knights of Ren taught me, to embrace the dark side of the force, to cut whatever brought me to the light out of myself. It was supposed to make me stronger with the force but it just left me more conflicted. I didn’t understand it until later, but I couldn’t embrace the dark while Rey lived in the light. It’s our dyad, you see. She was like a weed that invaded me, seeking out all of the brightness that tainted me, so hopeful, so impassioned that she could use those slivers, those scraps of light to get something to bloom in me. She just wouldn’t let me turn into a Sith. She wouldn’t allow me the abandon of embracing the dark side. The woman was born to torment me.”

“So you married her,” Jargeth smiled, giving a small laugh. “Sounds like my wife. She keeps me honest too. What’s next...ahh, the destruction of the ship designated “The Raddus” and the rebellion fleet.”

“That was a military operation carried out by General Armitage Hux. I was a pilot, leading the attack, and I blew up their aircraft hanger and probably killed a few Resistance pilots but...”

“What?”

“I can’t prove it,” Ben said, “but I hesitated firing on the bridge. I didn’t get a shot off.”

“Any reason you didn’t engage?” Jargeth asked.

“It was a momentary lapse,” Ben said. “I sensed my mother on board there.”

“That’s good,” Jargeth said, making notes. “Good, it all creates a story. Oh, wait, I’ve missed a charge, the attempted murder of a Jedi named Finn.”

“He’s calling himself a Jedi now, is he?” Ben rolled his eyes. “Pfft, yeah, alright, at the time he was a traitor to the First Order. He should have been executed for treason. He should be thankful he survived. If I’d really wanted to murder him, I would have, but I gave him mercy and only wounded him because he was no real threat. He was just in my way. I needed to get to Rey.”

“That’s not exactly the best argument,” Jargeth considered. “Perhaps if you ran me through the circumstances of the confrontation.”

“There was a bit of a verbal back and forth, then he rushed at me and we fought,” Ben said. “Before you say anything, I don’t think the self-defense argument is going to work. I was hunting them down to retrieve a map that led to Luke Skywalker for Snoke.”

“So you were acting on Snoke’s orders,” Jargeth clarified. “That I can use.”

“Are we just going to blame everything I did on Snoke?” Ben asked. “Won’t the prosecution argue that I should take personal responsibility for my actions? I mean, that’s how I see it, in my nightmares. I did it, with my own hands, my own will to follow the dark side. It was what I idolised, the clarity of purpose the dark side would bring, the dissolution of my doubts and regrets.”

“We’ll build a case around it, with your permission. The grip Snoke had on you was a significant factor in your actions, Ben. I’d like to find someone to help testify to that fact, because I don’t think even you yourself have the objective perspective to see it clearly.”

B en nodded. “ Urgh, this sucks,” he moaned. “I wish Rey were here. She’s got this way of just seeing the good in me. Right now I just feel stupid and full of regret for ever siding with Snoke.”

“But that hasn’t always been the case, has it? You didn’t always side with Snoke.” the lawyer asked. “Tell me about presuming control of the First Order.”

“I killed Snoke. I told Armitage Hux it was Rey, but it was me. I knew he had to die for Rey and I to live. Then we killed eight of his guards together, but when I offered Rey the chance to rule with me, she jilted me. When Hux confronted me about Snoke I forced him to give me command of his armies and I took them and hunted down the remains of the Resistance.”

“Were you successful?”

“In chasing them off from Crait, yes, but only in that regard. There were few casualties, not even Skywalker, whom I personally fought hand to hand.”

“Okay…” said Jargeth, making more notes. “This could be more difficult to argue. Let me think on it. What happened next?”

“We occupied Fondor. I decapitated an official there and took control.”

“Uh hmm.”

“Then I invaded and destroyed Aeos Prime. And I attacked the Colussus station in the Barabesh system, but that was a failed campaign.”

“This was all in the year after you presumed control of the First Order, yes?”

Ben nodded.

“What prompted these acts? What was your goal as Supreme Leader?”

“They were strategic attacks, designed to strengthen the First Order’s hold in those regions by ensuring loyalties and controlling trade routes.”

“Then something changed. You no longer were attacking the Resistance or the Republic. You were focused on finding the phantom Emperor, were you not?”

“That’s right. I was trying to find the wayfinder to lead me to Exegol so I could kill the bastard. I hunted down the cultists of the Sith on the planet of Mustafar to get it. I slaughtered them to the last.”

“I’m surprised they’ve charged you with these counts, considering your attacks were designated against Emperor Palpatine and not the Resistance. We could argue your actions in leading the First Order benefited the Resistance, allowing them to find Exegol, defeat the Final Order and end the war. It could sway the jury entirely in your favour. It’s the most promising argument we have.”

“Except that the wayfinder only fell into Rey’s hands because she stole it from me.”

“Would Rey testify she stole it, or that you turned it over to her?”

“We could try to spin it that way,” Ben agreed. “I destroyed the second wayfinder to prevent her from going without me, but I think she’d agree that I didn’t put up much of a fight preventing her taking the first I’d found and my ship along with it. Not after everything that happened. She understands.”

“Doesn’t hold grudges, huh?” the lawyer asked.

“Rey’s more of an unleash your fury on a person in the moment type,” Ben agreed. “Quick to anger and quick to forgive. She’s split me open twice, but put me back together again too. She’s very generous of spirit, particularly where I’m concerned. She has heart. It’s why my mother loved her and trained her. It’s why I knew I had to save her even though it cost me my own life.”

“It sounds like you two have been through a lot,” Jargeth observed.

“Life and death and war and peace,” Ben agreed. “I’m doing this because I’m hoping to get more life with her where we’re not fighting to the death. It’s been good being back with her. I’d like to continue that if I can, though I know the Republic will do what they can to disrupt that.”

“I’ll do what I can for you,” Jargeth said. He read out the next charges, the murder of Boolio, a Resistance informant.

“The Resistance know I killed him. We had an informant in the First Order who would have told them,” Ben said.

“Would this informant testify against you?” Jargeth asked.

“I doubt he’s alive to tell any tales,” Ben said. “Most of the First Order, Final Order, whatever you want to call them, perished in the final battle on Exegol and then the clean up operations run by the Resistance afterwards.”

There was an accusation that any atrocities carried out under the First Order name could be attributed to him for simply being the Supreme Leader. 

“There’s no real defense there,” Ben admitted. “I was Supreme Leader. I did what I wanted to gather more power. That’s why I question whether this defense that everything I did was Snoke’s fault. If everything I did was Snoke’s fault, then isn’t everything everyone did while I was leader my fault? Surely we can’t have it both ways.”

“We could argue that you were brainwashed by religious extremists and weren’t compos mentis,” the lawyer had suggested. “The Knights of Ren, you called them? We could argue you were corrupted to the dark side of the force by them even after your emancipation from Snoke. It wasn’t just following orders, it was brainwashing, and it took time and intervention for you to undo that programming.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think so,” Ben shrugged. “Do you really want to argue that I was not guilty by reasons of insanity? They could lock me up and never let me out if they think I’m crazy. I was perfectly sane, just highly motivated to rule the galaxy and willing to stamp out anyone who got in my way. The Knights of Ren are religious extremists, but so was I. Use of the dark side of the force to exert control was a no brainer when your goal is domination. I’m exceptional when it comes to military strategy and domination. Even Armitage Hux had to concede that and he was my biggest detractor within the First Order.”

“Maybe insanity isn’t the right plea then. Maybe, influenced by preternaturally dark forces,” Jargeth mused. “Yes, that’s our argument, absolutely, the dark side of the force influenced you to seek the power to rule, but you realised the error of your ways and returned to the light side of the force and you became allied with the Resistance, with your mother and Rey’s help.”

“How can we prove that though? I was born with a streak of the dark side in my make-up. How can we prove that I’ve turned to the light when the people of the Republic refuse to see it and it’s impossible to prove. I’m not even confident it’s a permanent state. I’ve had my moments of darkness since my return. The only one who trusts me to stay in the light is Rey, and she’ll not be the strongest witness, considering how complex our relationship is,” Ben argued.

“We can but try,” the lawyer said. “I’m also going to put a strong argument forth that most of the charges are not in fact murder, but that you were acting as a lawful combatant under the laws of war.”

B en snorted. “What laws of war?  Rules don’t apply to Supreme Leaders and Emperors. ”

“There are certain treatise the Republic recognise. We can use them in your defense. Leave it in my hands. I’ll research and get back to you.”

“Jargeth,” Ben asked, “Do my actions since returning to the light side of the force have any bearing on these accusations at all? The fact that I’ve stood down and relinquished any claims to rule, that I’ve led a humble life with no harm to anyone?”

“Legally, no, but we can make an argument for leniency in sentencing based on good behaviour.”

“Be honest, what are the chances I’m going to win?” Ben asked.

“To be fair, it’s not great. We’re going to struggle to find witnesses or evidence to corroborate your story. Anyone who was ever on your side is likely to be dead. It’s not a strong position to argue from. The only thing we have going in our favour is the presumption of innocence until guilt is proven.”

Ben sighed. “If I ever wanted to know the truth I just had to use telepathy. Rey can do it, but I doubt that Jedi, if that’s what he wants to call himself, Finn, would be able to. He’s willfully ignorant to spite me, I’m sure. He’d never want me cleared or to see things from my point of view.”

“You think the proceedings biased against you?”

“You think they’re not?” Ben scoffed. “The whole galaxy would be biased against me. The First Order, the Final Order is decimated. They were terrible allies to have, but they had might which kept me protected. Without them, I’m dead, or at least I was. Rey’s my only ally now.”

“We could argue for the case to be tried by an impartial judge, no jury, if you’re worried about it,” the lawyer suggested. “It’s not typical, but it can be done.”

“Yes,” Ben agreed. “Absolutely. Do that.”

“You should be prepared for this trial to take some time, Ben,” Jargeth advised. “It may start in six weeks, but there’s many charges to address which will take time to cover. Think in terms of years, not months. Even if you win, you’re going to be here a long time while we argue the case. You need to be mentally prepared for that.”

“I understand,” Ben said, “I’m prepared to do what it takes. This is what Rey and I agreed upon. I need to face what I did, then I can move past it, whatever that means.”

***

“We’ve got an opportunity for a really exciting tactic,” Jargeth told Ben a few weeks after the arraignment hearing, while they were preparing Ben’s defense. “I’ve managed to persuade the court to allow us to use an Ichtotchi to testify for your defense.”

“How will that help?” Ben asked.

“The Ichtotchi are telepathic. They can speak to your state of mind at the times of the incidents you’ve been accused of. Trust me. It’s a boon for us,” Jargeth said. “They’re also precognitive, when at home. Their abilities become more limited away from their home planet, but if they can testify that they sense no danger from you in the future, it would bode well.”

“I want to meet them,” Ben insisted. “I don’t want to be caught off guard in the courtroom. If they do sense danger from me, then that completely subverts what we’re trying to do, surely?”

“Agreed,” Jargeth told him. “You’ll meet them tomorrow. There shouldn’t be any surprises.”

Later that evening, Rey and Ben force linked.

“It looks like I’m in here for the long haul,” Ben told Rey. “I thought it would be pretty easy to get out of here if I changed my mind, but they’ve actually put some pretty serious defenses in. Force field generators, laser systems, and lots of firepower. I’ll not be able to get out of here unarmed on my own, even with my force abilities. They were more prepared to hold me here than I gave them credit for.”

“Do you think we’ve made the right decision, Ben? Should we have fought harder for you to stay with me?” Rey asked.

“No, I think you were right. We agreed that if there were going to be any casualties from this course of action, it was only going to be me. Don’t make me second guess that choice. If talking to Jargeth has proven anything to me, it’s that I’ve destroyed enough in my lifetime. I’m done with it. You’ve helped me be done with it,” Ben told her, stroking her face with his thumb gently. “Whatever happens, I’ve made my peace, and I thank you for bringing me to that.”

R ey nodded, “I understand,  but Ben, I’ve got to be honest, I’m struggling with second guessing  this choice . I was so determined while you were still home with me as to what was right, but in your absence I feel...unsettled...angry. I hate them for taking you from me.”

“I can tell,” Ben said. “Try to stay calm. The lawyer has given me some hopeful news today. I’ll let you know more tomorrow.”

***

Rey returned to Ben via their force bond the following night.

“Tell me what happened today,” she said. “I need that good news you promised.”

“It didn’t go as well as I hoped. Jargeth found an Ichtotchi to testify about my mental state as part of our defense that I was being unduly influenced by the dark side, by the Sith and Knights of Ren. He said it was clear to him that I’d changed by the time we fought the emperor on Exogol and that I’ve maintained that change. We’ve got some backup, Rey.”

“But that’s brilliant, Ben! Why didn’t it go as well as you hoped?” Rey exclaimed.

“Because he’s a precog, Rey. He can determine the future and I didn’t like what he told me,” Ben said. “He was supposed to give absolute assurity I wouldn’t turn to the dark side again. He couldn’t.”

“Because you will turn dark, or because he couldn’t say?” Rey asked. “Clairvoyance isn’t science, Ben. We aren’t fated to do anything. Do you remember the portal, in the World Between Worlds? The one that flickered?”

“Of course I do. I think about that all the time,” Ben admitted.

“That’s because the future isn’t certain. Our pathways change based on our choices. I believe you won’t turn dark, that as long as you have hope, you’ll stay in the light,” Rey told him. “Don’t let it make you despondent.”

Ben nodded, but chewed his lip nervously.

“Ben,” Rey said, maneuvering herself into his arms. “This has been a good day. Are you still willing to see where this court case goes?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, hesitantly, but then he seemed to find conviction. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll keep playing the game legally.”

“Then you have your answer about the future, don’t you. Screw the precog. What does he know? You’re choosing the light, the path of pacifism.”

“Rey,” Ben laughed. “The light side of the force isn’t pacifism. Do you think the Jedi were pacifists?”

Rey blinked at him.

“The Jedi may have been peacekeepers but they didn’t do it with pacifism. They did it with war. If anything they were worse warmongers than the Sith. They fought in greater numbers and with more influence because of it. The Sith had to fight dirty to overcome the Jedi, but make no mistake, the Jedi formed their armies and fought just as hard.”

“Then what are we trying to do if it’s not stay on the light side of the force?” Rey asked.

“I think we’re just trying to minimise damage of being born force sensitive, aren’t we?” Ben said. “Shove it all in a box and hope it doesn’t explode out.”

“Fuck,” Rey said. “Fuck, fuck fuck. There’s no winning here! We could argue you’ve turned to the light and they could argue that makes you just as dangerous and still want to lock you away. I shouldn’t have let you leave,” Rey lamented. “We were safe and happy on the island together. I don’t know why I thought letting you go peacefully would make things any better.”

“Rey, we need to trust that they’ll come around. What’s the alternative? We spend our lives fighting for our freedom? We kill anyone who threatens us?”

“Maybe it’s inevitable,” Rey said. “Maybe that’s our fate no matter what.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in fate, Rey,” Ben said. “You’re sounding desperate. Besides, we know there’s an alternative fate, for you if not me. It flickers, but it could be. You could chase that fate, and leave me to mine, here, alone.”

“You think I could leave you and be with someone else? Have children to any other man?” Rey accused, angrily.

Ben wouldn’t meet her eye. She gently took his chin in her grasp and brought his eyes in line with hers, where she told him sternly, “You don’t get rid of me that easily.”

Ben kissed her passionately. “Oh, thank goodness for that.”

***

The weeks went by, with Ben and the lawyer building his case.  The notes came in about the witnesses the prosecution were going to call and what evidence they had submitted.

Jargeth shook his head. “Their case is flimsy. Most of the witnesses for most of the charges can’t even be placed at the location when the event occurred. They’re basing most of their accusations on hearsay and rumour. They should never have been admissible.”

“Well, it’s the victors of war who write it’s history, isn’t it,” Ben shrugged. “They just want it on record what a bastard I was.”

“You don’t deny the accusations though?” Jargeth asked.

“They’re accurate,” Ben admitted. “They could piece it together from the trail of bodies and leaked information.”

“We should plead not guilty anyway,” Jargeth said. “Put the onus on the prosecution to prove the charges.”

Ben nodded in agreement.

“There’s two charges that may give us some difficulty. It’s those involving the man that goes by Finn, FN-2187. He witnessed the patricide of Han Solo and will obviously testify about your attack on him,” Jargeth advised.

“Yeah,” Ben agreed. “Rey was there too.”

“They can’t call Rey as a witness,” Jargeth advised.

“She wants to testify,” Ben said. “She wants to prove I turned to the light side of the force.”

“I can’t allow it,” Jargeth told him. “It would do you more harm than good. You can never beat the charges with two corroborating witnesses.”

“So she can’t testify at all?” Ben asked.

“No.”

Ben sighed heavily. “She is not going to be happy.”

“This is about what is best for you, Ben, not about what will keep your wife happy,” Jargeth told him.

“Trust me, keeping Rey happy is what’s best for me,” Ben replied.

“Well, on this occasion, I’m going to have to disagree,” Jargeth insisted.

“Easy for you to say. You don’t have to tell her,” Ben lamented.


	16. Bombshell

B en paced in his cell, running through in his mind how he was going to break the news to Rey about her not being able to testify on his behalf. In the end he decided he was just going to have to lay it out and hope she took it well.

Ben focused and established the connection. He saw Rey standing still, her head bowed, her brow furrowed with concentration. She didn’t seem to notice his presence. He watched her, captivated, taking in the simple rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the fall of her hair that she’d let loose from it’s buns. She raised a hand to her forehead and rubbed it and let out a whimpering gasp.

Ben strode to her and put his hand gently on her shoulder. Rey looked up at him, seemingly surprised.

“Sorry,” she apologised, covering her mouth with her hand. “You caught me in a moment.”

“Is something wrong?” Ben asked, concerned.

Rey shook her head, but she still looked startled.

“Rey, we need to talk about something,” Ben started. “Jargeth thinks it best if you don’t testify.”

“Uh huh, fine fine,” Rey said, absentmindedly.

“Rey, what’s the matter with you?” Ben asked. “I thought you’d be livid.”

Rey took a deep breath and  turned sideways to Ben, took his hand and placed it low on her abdomen. She examined his face, searching for his understanding. 

“Rey,” he rasped.

She nodded.

“I feel it. The force. Life,” he let out a shuddering breath. “You have life growing in you.”

She nodded vigorously, tears welling in her eyes.

“How long have you known?” Ben asked.

“I only just figured it out. I was sick after breakfast this morning, and I realised my regular cycle hadn’t come when it should have. I thought it was just the stress of the court case messing me around, but then I felt this...glow,” she told him. “Ben,” Rey said, incredulously. “We’re going to have a baby.”

B en’s face broke, tears poured from his eyes, and his smile cracked his cheeks, gouging them into deep dimples.  He scooped Rey into his arms and just held her, sobbing.

“Whatever happens to me, you’ve given me this,” he whispered. “My father’s bloodline will always live on. Rey,” he cried. “You don’t know...you can’t know how important this is to me.”

“Oh Ben,” Rey kissed him and held him tight as he shook.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy like this in my life,” he told her. “I’m going to be a dad?”

“Yeah,” Rey smiled. “You’re going to be a dad.”

The two of them laughed and hugged each other. Ben cradled Rey’s face, worshiping her.

“Rey,” Ben said sadly. “I want to come home.”

“I know,” Rey cried. “What a mess, huh?”

“Do you think when the baby comes I’ll be able to see it, like I see you?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe not. The fact you can feel it within me is a good sign though, right? And we can transfer lightsabers and necklaces through the force, so maybe we could with the baby? I...I don’t know, Ben. I guess we’ll find out.”

“Can you stay, Rey? Stay until I fall asleep? I want to hold you both.”

“Of course,” Rey answered. “Anything you want.”

Ben laid down in his cot and opened his arms, gesturing for Rey to crawl inside. She curled up inside the curve of him and he placed his flattened hand on her uterus.

“The force is strong already,” he said. “So tiny, but so strong. I wish I could be there to see him grow.”

“Him?” Rey questioned.

“Just a guess,” Ben said. “You want to bet me?”

“Naming rights,” Rey demanded. 

“Gee, I wonder why that’s important to you,” Ben laughed. “Okay. If it’s a girl, you can name her. If it’s a boy, I get to.”

“Except I get to veto anything too ridiculous,” Rey said.

“You can’t have it both ways!” Ben argued.

“I can and I will,” Rey said, shifting to glare at Ben, who shut her up by engulfing her mouth with his own. Rey came up for air, gasping. “You can’t be trusted to pick a name anyway.”

“You’re in trouble for that,” Ben teased, pulling at Rey’s clothes. “You don’t know who you’re going to invoke.”

R ey smirked and bit her lip suggestively.

Ben growled and stripped her clothes away, mounting her and mouthing her all over. Rey melted into him,  closing her eyes and just feeling the warmth of him engulfing her . 

“There’s never been a creature as glorious as you, Rey,” Ben breathed. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Ben,” Rey whispered as she dragged her lips across the stubble of his cheek.

Ben made love to Rey, slowly, attentively, gratefully, almost reverently, before nestling her back into his arms.

When he fell asleep, their force connection dropped, leaving Rey alone in her own bed, clutching nothing but her clothes, him having slipped through her grasp, disappeared into the ether like he had on Exegol.

Rey felt the loss like a fresh mourning. It struck her deep to her heart. She had severely underestimated how hard it was going to be for them to be apart. This was why Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments, she thought. She knew it now. She wanted to rescue Ben, to fight for him, and the restraint to hold back was tearing her apart.

“I’m going to go and get him,” she affirmed to herself, her eyes flashing red. She rubbed the flesh above her womb. “He belongs with us, baby. Let’s bring him home.”

***

Rey packed up the three lightsabers, her own, Luke’s and Leia’s. She also packed two blasters she had traded for.

She’d done her reconnaissance of the courthouse. The trial was being held on the lower levels of the Senate House on Coruscant. There was a large concourse in front of the building, an avenue of enormous statues proceeding up to the main entrance. She planned to land her ship on the concourse and let loose there, passing Ben a weapon or two and retreating their way to freedom. Rey had taken the X-Wing to a collector and traded it. As the ship that formerly belonged to Luke Skywalker that was instrumental in destroying the first Death Star, it fetched a decent amount despite it’s age and condition. Rey had taken in turn a two seater strike fighter that had been salvaged from the First Order. She repaired it and equipped it with hyperdrive using her skills as a mechanic and with a bit of Machu-deru. In the end it was better and had more capabilities than the X-Wing ever did, plus, without having to clamber into a single seat, she and Ben could make a far more rapid escape after she rescued him.

Rey, who had previously been unwilling to engage in violence, had embraced her darkness with the determination that she would not be separated from Ben. She was fearful of raising their child on her own and angry at his incarceration. With the promise of a child on the way, she was determined to protect her own above all others. Anyone who threatened their home would face the power of the Palpatine bloodline.

She’d timed her attack to coincide with the start of the trial. Ben had been away long enough, she had decided, and it was the first time security would be loosened, the prison itself being far too restricted to breach. There would still be some guards and Finn would be escorting Ben personally, but they would topple relatively easily, Rey reasoned.

She knew what time they would be transporting Ben. The prisoner transport,  if it was anything like the others she’d surveyed, would be driven by a driver with two guards plus Finn in the back with Ben.  They would park at the far end of the concourse and walk him to the entrance to the building, a good hundred meters away, giving Rey plenty of time to intervene.

S he was still in transit, but established a connection to Ben, trying to multitask.

“Ben,” Rey called via their force link.

“Rey?” Ben responded. “Oh, your eyes. What are you doing?”

“Get ready. I’m ending this. I’m bringing you home.”

“Rey, no,” Ben argued. “We agreed. This isn’t the way. You’re not thinking clearly. You’ve let the dark side dominate, and that can’t be good. This’ll hurt your friends, innocent people, and you’ll carry that with you the rest of your life. I don’t want that for you, Rey. I never wanted that for you. That’s why I agreed to go through with this trial in the first place, don’t you remember?”

“I won’t let them take you, Ben,” Rey insisted.

“Are you really prepared for what it will take, Rey? Are you willing for Finn to die? He’ll fight to the death if I try to escape. I’ve seen it in his mind. These guards, they’re all willing to fight to the death.”

“I’m prepared. Together we can overpower them easily,” Rey said.

“Then what, Rey? We run back to Ahch-To? They know that’s where we’ll be, we’ll constantly have to live in fear of attack. We’ll constantly have to fight. You know where this path of action will take us.”

“I don’t care.”

“This is my fault. I never should have pushed the dark side in you. You’ve lost control. You need to go home, Rey. Forget this. Please.” Ben paused and cocked his head, as if listening to a distant noise. “Do you feel that?”

Rey sensed it too.

“There’s someone here. Someone dangerous.” Ben threw his arms up to shield his face and the force connection severed.

Rey pushed the throttle and entered the Coruscant atmosphere, heading straight to the Senate House. She was greeted with a fiery wreckage. Rey landed the strike fighter, emerging to see Finn laid out on the ground, Ben standing over him and the remaining guards scattered,  in varying states of injury and consciousness . The crowds of protesters were fleeing in all directions.

Finn caught sight of Rey in the distance and accused Ben, saying, “I knew you were lying about surrendering. I knew you’d try to escape.”

Ben ignored Finn, and Rey, and wheeled on the real threat, a slender, bald  Dathormirian woman,  dropping the laser bazooka she held and  approaching from the concourse with a double ended red bladed lightsaber in her grasp. She made a motion and Finn’s lightsaber flew from his belt to her hand,  she tucked it in her own belt .

“Get out of my way,” the woman called to Ben. 

“I can’t let you kill an unarmed man,” Ben said.

“Then you’re a fool, Ben Solo,” the woman taunted. She ran with astounding speed and leaped, raising her lightsaber to strike downwards through Ben’s torso. Ben force freezed her mid-air and looked at her curiously.

“Who are you?”

The woman scowled, but did not struggle. She jutted her chin defiantly.  “Someone like you. We could be allies. The Jedi threaten our kind. They must not be allowed to come to power again,” she respond ed .

“And what do you think is our kind?” Ben asked, genuinely curious. 

“The dark Jedi,” she told him.

“Dark Jedi? I thought myself a failed Sith. Is that what you are?”

“You sell yourself short with your narrow view,” the woman claimed. “There were once many dark Jedi. Now there is only myself, the rest killed by men like him. He’ll kill you too, trust me. He must die now.”

“Hasn’t there been enough death?” Ben asked.

“Obviously not,” the woman raged, shrugging off Ben’s force freeze easily, rushing at Ben.

Rey intervened, shooting at the woman with her blaster, then tossing her aside with the force. She threw Ben  a lightsaber.

The woman turned to Rey and snarled, “Sith.”

“Sith?” said Finn, puzzled. He looked at Rey as she approached across the concourse and his eyes widened, seeing the ferocious expression on Rey’s face and the red and yellow hue to her eyes, her pallor sickening. Rey lit up her golden lightsaber and pointed it at the woman.

T he woman separated her lightsaber into two, pointing one at Ben, the other at Rey. “Then you’re all enemies.”

“I have no fight with you,” Rey declared. “I only want him.” She pointed to Ben. “You’re getting in my way. Leave now, in peace, and you’ll have no trouble from us.”

“I’m not leaving until that Jedi is dead,” the woman told them, her teeth bared.

“And I can’t let you kill him,” said Ben. “I’m trying to prove something here, that people need not fear us because of our power. That all we want is peace and we’re willing to work together to find a peaceful resolution according to the law. You come here terrorising everyone, and you make everyone who’s not force sensitive afraid of anyone who is, but you’re the one who’s afraid. I sense it in you.”

“You don’t know what I’ve lived through, the things I’ve seen,” the woman said. 

“Lady, I don’t even know who you are,” Ben said.

“I am Asajj Ventress. You may not know me, but I know of you. I fought Jedi and Sith alike, and fled with the threads of my life, but now is my time. I will hide in the shadows no longer. You will not defeat me like your grandfather and his associates did. I have only grown more powerful with the force with age.”

“You fought Darth Vader and lived?” Finn gulped.

Ventress sneered. “I fought Anakin Skywalker and his master.  I am wisened to the likes of you, Jedi scum. ”

“You’d be wise to leave, old lady,” Rey said, threateningly, moving to engage her.

“Rey, stay out of this,” warned Ben. “We don’t know how strong she is.”

Rey shook her head  and narrowed her eyes . “I can take her.”

“That’s not a request, Rey. This is not your fight. Baby, please,” begged Ben. “You know I need you safe above all else. Back away and bow out or I’ll never forgive you.”

Rey growled like a wild animal and threw Ben Leia’s lightsaber too, so that he could fend off Ventress’s double lightsabers with Jar-Kai techniques of his own. Then she returned to the strike fighter and took off, tears of frustration in her eyes at her plan being thwarted.  Only Ben could have stopped her. It was a dirty move using the pregnancy as a ploy,  calling her baby, like some sort of coded message .

Ventress waved her hand at Ben. “You will stand down and move out of my way.”

“A Jedi mind trick. Really? That only works on the weak minded,” Ben laughed. “I think you’ll find me more determined than most.”

Ventress engaged Ben with her light sabers, the two spinning  and striking with flurries of attacks and deflections. 

“You think I don’t want this guy dead, too?” Ben grunted as their lightsabers locked. “Without his testimony half my case could be thrown out.”

“Then why fight? Let me kill him,” Ventress said. “Let me put an end to the Jedi. I know it’s what you wanted. I know you. I’ve been following your story.”

“Then I’d be an accessory to murder. I’d be no better than I was. I’ve changed and I won’t go down like that anymore, and neither should you. I don’t care what you’ve lived through or what you’ve done, you can be redeemed, but you have to start in the present and move forward,” Ben preached.

Ventress frowned, shaking her head. “He won’t see it that way,” she claimed, pushing Ben off. She pointed her lightsaber in Finn’s direction. “The Jedi are corrupt and arrogant, the self proclaimed keepers of the galaxy. They want to subjugate anyone with force powers who don’t follow their strict teachings.  They’ll kill anyone who threatens to usurp their power as soon as they get a sniff of any themselves. They’re no better than the Sith.  They want to enslave you and place you in bondage, not redeem you.”

“Don’t presume to speak for me,” Finn barked. “I only want justice.” Finn felt for his lightsaber with the force and it released from Ventress’s belt and skittered across the ground toward him, but Ventress deflected it, sending it flying away over the concourse.

“You appointed yourself the keeper of justice, did you?” Ventress sneered. “Same Jedi hubris.”

“The new Republic did,” Finn glowered. “The people of the galaxy did. I answer to them.”

“You’re in over your head, little boy,” Ventress taunted. “The Republic won’t be able to hold you accountable. You’ll lose your perspective and develop a god complex, like all the others. Who else can make you pay for your actions if not me?”

“I haven’t even done anything yet!” Finn protested. “Solo surrendered himself.”

“Ventress, give up this fight,” Ben implored. “Seek a diplomatic solution. There need not be bloodshed, not anymore. The war is over. You’re living in the past. The Sith are dead. The Jedi have a chance to form a new order, one that has learned from the mistakes of the past, starting with this man. We could collaborate, share our perspectives, find middle ground.”

“The Sith are not dead, liar. You protect your one. I see what she is,” Ventress hissed.

“You don’t know the first thing about Rey. She’s the embodiment of the balance in the force, all the light and all the dark. She keeps it under control for the benefit of all. The Sith will not rise again, not unless she is given cause. She’s simply enraged right now because she fears me being taken from her. If I were to go to her she’d be no threat to anyone.”

“Then let me kill the Jedi, and go back to your woman,” Ventress offered.

“That’s not our plan. I need my day in court to answer for my past actions, but what you’re doing threatens that for me. It threatens my chance for real freedom for the first time in my life. Freedom from the dark side, freedom from my guilt. Attacking the Jedi, terrorising the Republic, will only breed more prejudice against those born to the dark side of the force. If you do this, Rey and I will never be free. We’ll be branded the same as you. Help me, Ventress. Show them that we’re capable of something better than violence.”

“Will you fight when the Jedi come for your child?” Ventress challenged. 

“How could you tell?” Ben whispered.

“I told you, my power with the force has only grown over the years. The Jedi fear what they do not understand. They attack out of fear of power, true power. They will not wait or give the benefit of doubt. You know this to be true.”

Ben gasped. “Don’t.”

“You know, Ben Solo. You know what they do, because it’s been done to you from the time you were a youth.”

Ben clenched his jaw, conflicted.

“They hate anything they can’t control,” Ventress said. “They will stamp you down and hurt the ones you love if you let them. You can’t protect your family from a prison cell. Join me.”

“Don’t listen to her, Ben,” Finn pleaded. “That’s not how it will be.”

B en turned to Finn, and with the force lifted him by the throat. “Won’t it?” he asked.

“No. You know I’d never let any harm come to Rey or any child of hers,” Finn promised. “Even if it’s yours. You know I love her. I couldn’t harm her like that.” Ben linked with Finn telepathically, and knowing that Finn told the truth, he flipped one of the lightsabers and thrust it into Finn’s hand, dropping him to the ground. He nodded at Finn, as they stood side by side, facing Ventress.

Ventress rushed at them both, throwing Finn back with the force, while striking out at Ben. She deflected his blows and whirled towards Finn on the ground and struck down, trying to impale him. He rolled out of the way and righted himself, fighting back. Ventress kicked out at Ben, striking him in his gut, before slashing down at his shoulder, cutting his  deltoid muscle. 

Ben cursed and switched hands with his lightsaber. He and Finn both struck at Ventress from both sides, engaging her lightsabers. Ben picked her up by the chest with the force and slammed her into the ground, standing on her arm. He bent to release the lightsaber, as Finn did the same.

He pointed his lightsaber to her throat and said, “Concede, Ventress. Concede that you’re beaten.”

“Just kill me,” she snarled. “Put me out of my misery.”

Ben turned to Finn. “I won’t kill her,” he said. “I’m done killing. What will you do?”

“I’ll call for some backup. They’ll take her in,” Finn said.

“Or, you could just give her a warning and let her go,” Ben suggested. “Show some compassion.”

“She blew up a Republic prisoner transport with a bazooka,” Finn said, gesticulating wildly at it. “She attempted to murder me. She’s not even remorseful. Why should I let her go?”

“Because she’s more scared of you than you are of her, Finn,” Ben said. “She’s obviously been traumatised. If you show her some leniency now, she may believe that you’re no threat to her and she’ll back off and come around. If you do what she fears most and try to lock her up then you’re making a powerful enemy. I won’t always be here to cover your arse and you know you can’t take her on your own, but it’s your choice. Take steps to make an ally, or take steps to maintain an enemy. Be the bigger man, Finn. Show her that the Jedi are not what they were.”

F inn looked at Ben, then at Ventress, then off into the distance for a moment,  contemplating .

“Aww hell, this is gonna bite me in the ass. Get up. Go. Don’t come back,” Finn told Ventress.

Ben shut off his lightsaber and helped pull Ventress to a standing position. “Be better. Don’t give in to your fear. Give this new  galaxy a chance, please.”

Ventress eyed Ben up and down. “There’s more to you than your grandfather. I never knew him to have your mercy.” She turned to Finn, “You’d better prove me wrong, Jedi, or I’ll be back for you.  I’ll be watching. ”  She pressed a button on her wristband and a glider descended from behind a building in the distance. S he ran  and mounted it mid-air,  tore her lightsabers back from the two men  with the force , and flew away .

“Well,” Finn sighed with relief. “That was unexpected.”

“Yeah, I wonder where the hell she’s been hiding all these years,” Ben marvelled. “I never even sensed her.”

“I think I did. I think when I was trying to track you, I was sensing her. She’s been in the outer reaches of the galaxy. Man, I really could use a Jedi master to advance my training. Book learning is going to get me killed. She caught me completely off-guard. That wasn’t the most unexpected part though. I meant it was unexpected that you saved my life.”

B en  shrugged . “It wasn’t personal.  I just didn’t want blood on my hands. ”

“Nah, man. Even if Ventress hadn’t shown up, what do you think Rey had in mind? Did you know she was going to show up, blasters blazing?” Finn asked. “You saved me from her too.”

“That wasn’t my doing, her coming, you have to believe me,” Ben claimed. “Rey and I agreed that we wouldn’t fight whatever punishment the Republic thought was fair. I had every intention of sitting trial. In fact, I have a pretty good case lined up.”

Finn sighed. “So she went rogue, is what you’re saying. Do I need to be worried about her coming after me too? I didn’t think this  Jedi  gig was going to get me so many enemies.”

“I’m not your enemy, Finn. To be honest, I couldn’t give two shits about you, you mean so little to me,” Ben told him. “I care about my chances of getting back to Rey, and that’s all. That’s the only reason I helped you.”

“Sounded like you would have been helped more by my absence,” Finn pointed out.

“Yeah, true. Not going to say it wasn’t conflicting, but I stand by my choices. I want to be a better man. I don’t always succeed, but I’m trying. I’m counting today as a win,” Ben said.

F inn nodded, thinking pensively. Soon another prisoner transport arrived to shuttle Ben back to the prison, the case being postponed due to the commotion. Ben’s lightsabers were confiscated by Finn without argument from Ben, and he was shut back in his cell.

Ben connected with Rey via the force as soon as he was alone.

“What the hell were you thinking, Rey?” he attacked, red faced and spitting in anger. 

“Oh thank god you’re alright. I’ve been waiting,” Rey breathed a sigh of relief, rushing to hug him.

“Don’t change the subject. I’ve furious with you, Rey,” Ben growled, pushing her away.

“I just didn’t want to feel helpless,” Rey lamented. “I wanted you home.”

“It was stupid. You put you and the baby in danger,” Ben yelled. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry. Did I mess things up?” Rey asked.

“They’ve postponed the case. I don’t know. An escape attempt won’t sway the court in my favour. Finn knows that’s why you were there, armed to the teeth. He’s no idiot.”

“What happened to the lightsabers?” Rey asked.

“Finn’s taken them.”

“There goes our chance of trying again,” Rey frowned. “Unless I make more.”

“We’re not trying again, Rey,” Ben said. “We’re going to sit through this and we’re going to live with the consequences. You’re going to hold your shit together. If you can’t, don’t come to the trial.”

“You don’t mean that,” Rey gasped.

“I do.”

“Ben.”

“You betrayed me, Rey. We had a plan and you took it upon yourself to do something reckless without even discussing it with me.”

“I was rescuing you,” Rey cried.

“I didn’t want to be rescued, Rey, don’t you get that? I deserve this. I deserve to have to answer for what I did. It’s what’s right. I would rather our child grow up knowing that their dad’s in jail paying his debt to society, than have that child forever battling, never knowing peace because his dad is running from his past. We fought together to end the war, not for ourselves, but for him. Don’t be so fucking selfish.”

Rey burst into tears, the hot streams flowing down her cheeks.  “ You don’t want to raise him with me?” Rey whispered. “You expect me to be able to do it alone?”

“You’re strong enough, Rey. You just have to trust that you are,” Ben said, moving to hold her. 

“Okay,” Rey whispered, her mouth quivering, eyes welling with tears.

“I’ll always be with you, even when I can’t be there in person, Rey,” Ben told her, soothing her, his anger dissipating. “You have to trust.”

“Today was a horrible day, huh?” Rey pouted. “What happened with that woman, anyway? I was scared she’d killed you.”

“I convinced Finn to let her go with a warning,” Ben said.

“What? Ben, she knows what I am. You don’t think she’ll come after me, do you?” Rey asked, her eyes wide with shock.

“I think she knows we’re no enemies of hers,” Ben said. “She knows now it’s in her own best interests to keep to herself. She knows you’ll only fight her if she gives you a reason to.”

“I’m going to try to trust you on that,” Rey said.

“Thank you for leaving when I asked you to,” Ben said, placing his hand on Rey’s belly. “I know you can hold your own. I don’t doubt your abilities, Rey, but I don’t want you in danger if I can help it. This is precious cargo you’re carrying.”

“How do we do this, Ben? How do we protect each other while we’re apart?”

“We do the best we can. That’s all either of us can do.”

“When did you get so wise?” Rey asked.

Ben  shook his head and chuckled . “ It’s not me.  Mum’s been visiting,” he admitted. “ She’s been keeping me pretty steady  in here .  She’s been helping me come to terms with who I am,  what I did, what I can expect going forward .  It’s really helped keep me on an even keel. ”

“I could have used some of that, I guess,” Rey said.

“She couldn’t get through to you,” Ben told her. “I guess now we know why. Rey, your eyes look really freaky. You really let the Sith take you over, didn’t you?”

“I know. I’m still full of rage,” Rey replied. “Don’t worry. I’ll get it under control, I promise.”

“Let me help you out with that,” Ben said, kissing her. “I can let that dark energy out for you.”

Rey nodded vigorously. “You’d better, for everyone’s sake.”


	17. Trial

T he following day  t he trial recommenced. Rey didn’t attend, on Ben’s request, as he thought it would disrupt the proceedings after the previous day, and he also didn’t want to put her at risk of being arrested for her actions in trying to encourage him to escape. 

The trial proceeded in a tedious manner, full of legal jargon and arguments back and forth. Ben was only required to enter his plea to each charges, of which he stated, “Not guilty,” to each, as he and Jargeth had decided earlier.

Jargeth made his opening statements  outlining the arguments he would be making to cast doubt upon Ben’s guilt for each of the allegations. T he opposition  did the same, discussing how they would prove that Ben was guilty , and little else was achieved on the first day.

The following day was similar, with arguments being made back and forth, and the following, and the day after that.

When Ben spoke to Rey in the evenings, he just explained to her how draining the whole process was. To hear the repercussions of his actions, that he had once felt were justified, from the prosecutions perspective, was deeply challenging to him.

“Jargeth is actually doing a pretty great job, I think,” Ben told her. “He seems to be able to shoot down a lot of the prosecution’s arguments. I’m worried though. Soon we’ll be talking about what happened with my father. Finn will take the witness stand. There’ll be no refuting it.”

“But you’ll have the telepath?”

“Uh huh,” Ben nodded.

“You’re worried,” Rey observed.

“It’s going to be the hardest day. I’m really going to need you as soon as it’s over.”

“Do you want me in the room with you?” Rey asked. “I’ll be there, if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah,” Ben admitted. “I know it’s selfish, but yeah, I really want you there.”

“Then I’m there,” Rey assured him. “Whenever you need me, Ben, I’ll be there.”

***

T he following day, Finn took to the stand and the prosecut or, Graynt Vorlib, questioned him about the events on Star Killer base.

When  Graynt asked  Finn  if he had witnessed the death of Han Solo, he responded, “I don’t recall.”

The prosecut or looked flummoxed. He asked if Finn had seen the defendant present, and Finn responded the same, “I don’t recall.”

“So you didn’t have an altercation with the defendant that day?” the prosecution asked.

“I don’t recall,” Finn said once more. “You see, I was in a coma for some time after that day. My memory of the events on Star Killer base are pretty hazy. I can’t be certain what happened. I don’t even remember landing on the planet.”

The prosecution  was visibly frustrated. 

“Permission to treat the witness as hostile?” he addressed the judge.

T he judge gave permission.

“Did you ever witness the defendant commit any of the crimes he’s been charged with?”

“I was present on Jakku during the Tuanal incursion, but you have to understand, the man rumoured to be Kylo Ren wore a mask and heavy clothing that covered his entire figure. I couldn’t honestly say that the defendant is the same man I witnessed that day.”

“Would it be fair to say that the display of force powers and his unique cross-guard lightsaber would narrow it down significantly for you? Who else could it possibly have been but the defendant?”

“That is a fair question,” Finn admitted. “Both the man I saw during the Tuanal incursion and this man have the ability to force freeze matter. The man in the mask, Kylo Ren, froze a blaster ray that day at Tuanal, and yesterday, the defendant froze a woman in space who was attacking me. Same rare force ability.”

“But you don’t think it’s the same man?”

“No. The man in the mask on Tuanul struck down an unarmed man. The defendant yesterday fought valiantly to protect one. I don’t believe they are the same man. Not anymore. I was mistaken.”

“No further questions,” the prosecution said, bitterly. “Waste of my time,” he muttered under his breath.

“Does the defense have any questions for the witness?” asked the judge.

Jargeth and Ben conferred, both of them pleasantly surprised at the unexpected testimony, then Jargeth dismissed Finn.

The  Ichtotchi  was called to  the stand to testify . Rey ran out of the courtroom after Finn, and encountered him in the hallway.

“Finn,” she called. He stopped and waited for her to catch up, shuffling his foot back and forth as she crossed the hallway to him. “Thank you.”

“I only told the truth. I couldn’t rightly point the finger at him,” Finn said.

“Do you really not remember him killing his father?” Rey dared.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” Finn replied, evasively. 

Rey threw herself at Finn and hugged him. “You’re a good man, Finn. Thank you for being a friend.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it. Trial’s not over yet. There’s still plenty of other charges your husband has to face and you might not think me real friendly by the time sentencing is in. I still want justice, Rey. There’s been too much destruction caused by him, and we both know it, even if I couldn’t rightly testify to the accusations I was present for.”

“Well this matters, Finn, what you said today, I won’t forget it,” Rey told him.

“Lucky for me then, I guess, to be on the good side of the Sith,” Finn said, sardonically. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened to you, Rey? Why didn’t you tell any of us? I thought our friendship mattered more to you than to keep secrets like that.”

“I didn’t want you to be afraid of me, Finn. At first I was afraid of it. I didn’t understand it. I have it under control now. Ben helps me keep it under control,” Rey told him. “You wouldn’t believe how good he’s been for me, with the nightmares, and channeling it in constructive ways. Helping me release the dark when it gets too much.”

“So what changed the other day? Why’d you let it get the better of you?” Finn asked.

“I needed him to come home. Believe me, he had nothing to do with what I did, it was all me. It won’t happen again,” Rey promised.

“It better not,” Finn said. “You can’t just take whatever you want because you have all the force powers, Rey. You’ve got to be morally accountable too. Why else do you think I’m trying to do all this? Do you think I like going up against people who are obviously more powerful and have more training than I do? I know I’m going to die trying. I gotta try anyway because it’s right.”

“Can you tell me why Chewie wasn’t called as a witness?” Rey asked. “He saw just as much as you did on the day. I couldn’t believe it when Ben told me you were the only one they were calling to testify about Han.”

“Chewbacca wouldn’t do it. He believed what you said, about Leia bringing him back to the light. He didn’t want to be responsible for putting away Leia and Han’s real son. He said he loved that kid. Said he loves you too. No one could convince him otherwise.”

Rey placed her hand over her heart. “Oh,” she whispered. “Finn,” Rey said. “I know I fucked up, but do you think I can get Luke and Leia’s lightsabers back? For sentimental reasons.”

Finn shook his head. “Depends on the verdict, Rey. They’ll go back to Ben at the end of his sentence. After all, they were in his possession when they were confiscated, not yours.”

“I understand,” Rey told him.

“Look, I have to go. I’ll see you around, Rey.”

Rey farewelled Finn with a curt hug and then headed back into the courtroom and retook her seat, prepared to listed to the proceedings for the remainder of the day.

As it turned out, calling the Ichtotchi to testify was both of a benefit and a downfall to Ben. Though he defended Ben against the majority of the charges, defending Ben as Jargeth had planned, by talking about Ben being coerced by Snoke and indoctrinated by the Knights of Ren, he actually implicated Ben more in the death of his father than Finn had, saying that he was of a very fragile state of mind that had become even more fractured after the event.

Graynt Vorlib was a merciless prosecutor, challenging the Ichtotchi to reveal Ben’s thinking when he had attacked villages, started wars, beheaded leaders. The Ichtotchi divulged that at the time, Ben had felt he was performing an honourable duty for the benefit of his master and the Empire. Graynt asked how Ben perceived the events now, in hindsight.

“He acknowledges his own complicity.”

“So he believes he, himself is guilty,” Graynt argued.

“That’s a fair statement,” the Ichtotchi agreed.

“And we’re supposed to believe he’s not guilty, when even he doesn’t?” Graynt asked.

“Objection,” Jargeth called. “The law is not about belief. It’s about the burden of proof. My client cannot be expected to be objective about the events after the conditions he was subjected to.”

“Sustained,” the Judge called out, but the damage was done. If everyone, including Ben, believed him guilty, what hope was there for a not guilty verdict?

That evening Rey clung to Ben even tighter than usual. “I don’t think I can handle hearing all of this,” she told him. “I don’t know how you can stand sitting through it all.”

“I lived it, Rey. Talking about it is nothing,” Ben said. “I understand if you don’t want to come back to the hearing for the rest of it. I don’t want you under stress with the baby.”

“No, no. I want to support you,” Rey told him, earnestly. “I’ll be there every day from now on. I know it’ll be hard, but it’s important to me. If I can’t have you home with me, I’m at least going to be as close to you as I can while I can.”

***

True to Rey’s promise, she attended all of the court proceedings. Some days were better than others, with the defense landing some good points and having certain objections that were sustained, and others were worse, with the prosecution showing extraordinary amounts of evidence, considering nearly everything from the First Order and Final Order was blown up and scattered in space.

Graynt Vorlib  called in a forensic scientist to attest to every corpse that had been found with wounds that could be correlated to a lightsaber with an unstable kyber crystal.

“You see how the blade leaves a jagged cauterised edge?” the scientist explained. “Any other weapon, even a standard lightsaber, would not leave such a distinctive patter. Regular lightsabers leave uniform, smooth edges, clean amputations. This weapon was particularly brutal, shearing the flesh as it burned.”

“Objection,” Jargeth called. “Witness is syllogising that the weapon was brutal.”

“Objection sustained,” agreed the judge.

“Could there be more than one lightsaber with an unstable kyber crystal?” Graynt Vorlib asked the forensic scientist.

The scientist shook his head. “Only a trained Jedi or Sith would know how to construct and manipulate a lightsaber in the manner of this weapon. Due to the rarity of that population, and my research, I can conclude that there is only one blade of it’s kind, and it belonged to Kylo Ren.”

***

The proceedings went on for months, and Rey’s baby bump began to grow and the baby develop. The morning sickness had begun to abate, and Rey was forced to buy new clothes to accommodate her ever expanding belly. She could feel the flutters of movement in her womb, and she found there to be strange little changes, like her hair and nails growing thicker and her skin becoming more radiant. Pregnancy suited her well, or at least that’s what Ben told her.

In the evenings, after the trials, Rey and Ben would connect via their force link, and Ben would hold her, feeling the force flow from both her and the baby. It seemed to provide them both some comfort, a peace neither of them felt solely on their own. When it was the three of them together, it was like the dyad was fortified even more.

They spoke very little during these evenings, trying not to dwell on the events of the day, and just trying to take some comfort in each other where they could.

Eventually the trial ended, all the evidence and witness testimony had been submitted, and the judge had asked for some time to deliberate over the verdict and sentencing. The trail had taken far less time than Jargeth had predicted, presumably due to the difficulty sourcing witnesses who were still breathing after the war. The judge took days to deliberate but eventually the court was called back into session.

Rey sat in the gallery, and could barely restrain herself from crying out in anguish as the verdicts were returned, one guilty verdict after another. Tears streamed silently down her face, but she restrained herself from lashing out. She knew Ben would want her to remain calm.

Ben took the news stoically, his gaze steely as he accepted his fate.

Guilty on all counts.

When it came to the sentencing, however, the judge had been very generous. He took into account all of the extraordinary circumstances that had led to Ben’s actions. He took into account the influence of the Masters, Snoke and the Emperor, the Knights of Ren and even Luke Skywalker and how they had all lead to influence Ben down the path of the dark side. He also took into account the testimony of how Ben had fought against that oppression and freed himself of Snoke, and the Knights of Ren single-handedly, and how he had attempted to help defeat the Emperor and the Final Order in the process. His behaviour, once freed of the dark side, after the Emperor had fallen, the judge said, spoke to the man Ben was trying to embody.

When it came down to it, Finn’s testimony that Ben was unrecognisable from Kylo Ren, was the clinching argument.

Ben was sentenced to imprisonment for the term of his natural life, but in an unexpected move the judge chose to defer the sentence indefinitely. Ben would be allowed to serve a period of probation with the condition that he wear a tracking device at all times. The penalty for removal of the device would be arrest and incarceration.

Ben was being given a chance to prove himself, really prove himself, to the Republic, for the first time in his life.

Shell-shocked by the news, Rey waited patiently outside the courtroom, as Finn applied the tracker to Ben and returned to Ben his belongings, and then Ben and Rey were allowed to leave together.

Ben flew them both back to Ahch-To, because Rey wouldn’t stop crying with relief as soon as they got into the strike fighter, but as soon as they landed, he fell to his knees and buried himself in Rey’s expanded belly, sobbing hysterically himself, and they stayed that way, holding and consoling each other, overwhelmed by emotions that would not be contained by any force.


	18. Part 5 Birth and Rebirth: Reaping What Was Sown

Rey and Ben settled back into life on Ahch-To as if nothing had changed. Together they pulled up the remainder of their crop and put it into storage before it rotted in the ground. They set about re-cultivating the land, and they spent as much time in each other’s company as they could stand.

Rey however, wanted to be open to more possibilities than were previously on offer to them.

“So legally we can go anywhere we want together now?” Rey asked him one day.

“Legally, yes. I won’t be arrested again unless I cause some trouble,” Ben explained. “But that’s not going to stop anyone who’s got a vendetta against me attacking me and me having to defend myself. You’d probably still be in a lot of danger to be seen with me.”

“Let them try,” Rey smirked confidently. “I want us to travel, Ben.”

“Don’t get cocky, Rey. It’s probably best that we still keep to ourselves as much as possible. Even if we’re not at fault for instigating trouble, trouble will find us and the new Republic will find a way to blame us, I’m sure.”

“You just want to hang out here? When we have all the freedom in the galaxy?” Rey quizzed.

“Everything I need is here,” Ben said, wrapping his arms around Rey.

“But what about what you want, Ben, rather than just what you need,” Rey asked. “Don’t you want more than this? To make friends and allies? Isn’t being so isolated hard for you?”

Ben shook his head. “Never had anyone who didn’t turn on me, other than you, Rey. What’s the point of trying.”

“That’s not true. Maz married us. Chewie refused to testify! There’s people who believe in you, Ben,” Rey argued.

“Chewie shot me in the gut.”

“Are you saying you didn’t deserve it?” Rey argued.

“No.”

“Well, he’s gotten over what you did, so you can get over his retaliation.”

“Uh uh,” Ben refused. “Not testifying isn’t the same as being forgiven. I just want to stay here with you, Rey.”

“How about a compromise?” Rey suggested. “We stay here, but we start inviting visitors.”

“Do we have to?” Ben frowned.

“Yes. At the very least, I’m getting someone in to help me deliver the baby. I’m not having you there not knowing what to do and making me feel even more freaked out, and the Lanai are great for maintaining the island, but I’m certainly not comfortable with them handling my lady parts. I want a proper midwife,” Rey demanded.

“I didn’t think about that.”

“Well, of course you didn’t. Easy part’s over for you, isn’t it! You helped make the baby, but the rest of the work in growing it and birthing it is on me!” Rey said.

“Yes, but I’ll help you raise the little one, and protect you both,” Ben said, kissing Rey soundly. “Whatever you need, I’ll get for you, Rey. I promise.”

“Even if what I need is to be around people you don’t like very much?” Rey asked. “If I need our baby to know what it is to be around people who aren’t like us, regular, normal people without force powers and inner turmoil all the time?”

“You want your Resistance friends to come here?” Ben asked, sourly.

“Yes,” Rey said. “I want them to feel welcome in my home. I think it would be beneficial for all of us. It’s something I’ve missed and I personally need. I’ve been alone most of my life, Ben. I don’t want to be that way for the rest of it, not when I have opportunity now to not be alone.”

Ben sighed unhappily. “I thought I’d won you back and now I feel like I’m just losing you more,” Ben said, stroking her face possessively. “I’m no longer in danger, so you feel like you don’t have to stay with just me? I knew I was never going to be enough for you when I married you.”

“Don’t say that,” Rey pleaded. “Of course you are. Of course you are. You’re all the husband I wished for or could want.”

“Then stay here with me, just me, just the two of us, Rey, like it was before.”

“Don’t you want more than that, Ben? Don’t you want a life? Friends?”

“You are my life, Rey. I wouldn’t have one without you,” Ben said.

“And I wouldn’t have one without you. Don’t you think that’s a gift? Don’t you think we could do something more with it?”

“No. This is where I’m happy, Rey. Don’t underestimate that. I was leader of the entire galaxy for a time and it was nothing but anguish and misery, but this, this island, with you and with a baby on the way; this is the only place I want to be, and the only thing I want to do is be happy here with you. I put aside all that ambition for something more, and I focused on what was essential to my happiness, and here it is. To strive for more...it could tip and capsize.”

“I was happy enough before, Ben, because our isolation was keeping you safe, but if the trial showed me anything, it was the value in the people who helped us. I think you need people on your side, and we won’t build that up by hiding away. We’re powerful as a dyad, yes, but we’re not invincible. I want us to be stronger than that. We need to let other people in. We need to start trusting people and let them see they can trust us.”

“That’s easy for you to say. It’s not so easy for me,” Ben said. “I’m too used to being betrayed. I don’t trust easily anymore.”

“Then we’ll take it slow,” Rey said. “One person at a time, with whoever you feel most comfortable with, and we’ll build from there.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone will change their minds about me, Rey. I’m a convicted felon now. They found me guilty. The fact I’m free to walk around, that’s just a bloody miracle, I don’t expect much from people when it comes to me.”

“Well, if you won’t do it for you, do it for the baby. The baby can’t have only us looking out for it. What if something happened to us? You know it’s a miracle either of us survived our childhoods. We owe it our child to give it what we never had, and that’s people to care for her, no matter what,” Rey demanded.

Ben, huffed, knowing that Rey had used his weakness for his child against him. “I’ll give it a shot, but only because I love you, and if you think having allies will help protect the baby, then I’ll allow it.”

“I really think it’s for the best,” Rey said. “Give it a chance.”

“Okay,” Ben agreed. “But I’m telling you, you open your doors and trouble is going to walk in.”

“Tell me about it,” Rey said, jokingly. “I opened my door to you one night and in a short few months I’m expecting your child. I knew you were going to be trouble.”

“Then why did you ever open your door?” Ben asked, sliding his hands down her waist to her thighs.

Rey jutted her chin up and looked at Ben lustily. “I wanted the trouble. I’ll always want the trouble.”

Ben ran his tongue over the inside of his teeth and licked his lips, before picking Rey up, making her straddle his hips. “Then you’ll get it,” he promised, carrying her to their cottage with Rey grinning wildly.

***

Rey found that she had underestimated how much fear she and Ben as a couple had engendered in others. She extended the hand of friendship to her Resistance friends, but they declined to come to Ahch-To.

“What did you expect?” Ben had asked her. “I’m a convicted warlord, and now they know that you absorbed a thousand generations of Sith, they’re going to be terrified to come here.”

“What can we do to reassure them?” Rey asked. “I really want to rebuild those bridges, Ben.”

“It’s a two-way street. You can’t force someone to be your friend if they’re not interested. I mean, you can force someone to be a subordinate with intimidation and fear, but friendship, that’s not for people like us, Rey. It never will be. I say we just keep to ourselves and mind our own business.”

“It’s not the way I wanted it,” Rey said, dolefully. “But I guess you’re right.”

***

The months rolled on and Rey began to get very uncomfortable with the weight of the baby. She found she was short of breath and the hills were more difficult to climb as her hips ached as she walked. She was exhausted and cried a lot, leaving Ben flummoxed as to how to soothe her. She also found it difficult to eat without indigestion, and difficult to sleep without tossing and turning, but she loved her baby with an intensity that rivalled her love for Ben despite the difficulties.

Rey had sought out a midwife from Batuu who could fly to them as soon as her contractions started. Her name was Soni Dobo, and she claimed to be both a midwife and a doula, able to provide medical support and mental, physical and emotional support during the birth. Rey had liked her very much, as she had a very kind and nurturing nature.

Ben had done what he could, taking over the runs to the fish market instead of Rey, to trade and buy things they needed for the baby. The first few runs had gone relatively smoothly, but when rumour of his presence every week had started to circulate, trouble had started to brew and he found himself having to fight off attackers. He refused to use lethal force, preferring to simply throw them off and leaving peacefully without drawing his lightsaber, but whenever he returned to Ahch-To and to Rey, he would be sullen and silent.

Ben threw himself into work converting some of the cabins, rearranging the stonework and connecting two adjoining buildings to create a two bedroom home for both he and Rey and the baby. He also furnished the room with a crib and warm bedding he’d bought with the proceeds of his trading.

They were prepared for the arrival of the child.

They were not prepared for the arrival of Finn and Poe.

Rey heaved herself off the cot where she had been resting, elevating her swollen legs, to greet the pair as she sensed Finn via the force. Finn had kindly remembered the crops and landed lower on the escarpment, and she waddled down the hill to greet them.

She smiled kindly but quizzically at their arrival. They both approached her awkwardly, but with obvious good intent.

“Wow,” Poe started. “You look...radiant.”

“Don’t lie,” Rey teased. “I’m the size of a house.”

“It’s good to see you, Rey. We’re glad you’re well,” Finn added.

“What brings you here?” Rey asked. “I didn’t think you’d want to come.”

“We’ve got a problem,” Finn admitted. “I’ve got a problem.”

“What is it?” Rey asked.

“It’s Ventress. We thought she’d taken off back to the outer realms, but she’s been busy. She’s been actively seeking out force sensitives. She’s planning on amassing an army of dark Jedi. They’re just children at the moment, the ones she’s found and recruited, but she’s set up her own temple and is training them.”

“And you want it stopped,” Rey surmised.

“Yes,” Finn said. “I don’t have the manpower or the force power to control this situation, Rey. I need you. I could use your husband, if he’s willing.”

“It doesn’t sound like she’s done anything wrong, to me,” Rey said. “Have they committed any crimes?”

“Not as yet, but the potential…”

“You didn’t learn a damn thing, did you?” Ben said, ambling down the hill toward the group. “That woman, she attacked you as a preemptive strike because of _your_ potential. Now you want to do exactly the same thing and attack her and her temple out of fear. This is how I ended up the way I am, because people like you presumed. You admitted it yourself, they’re children, and they’ve committed no crime. What are you expecting of us? Sympathy? You’ll find none here.”

“We want those kids to learn the Jedi way, not whatever Ventress is teaching them. She can’t be trusted as an instructor. She’s a dark Jedi. Who knows what widespread implications it could have upon the galaxy, to have powerful dark Jedi, trained, unchecked, influencing others,” Finn said.

“You don’t get it, do you, Finn?” Rey said. “The force checks itself. It’s in balance. Ventress is your counter-balance. Ben’s mine. These force sensitive kids, they’ll find their own way. It doesn’t matter if Ventress teaches them the Jedi way or the ways of the dark side, they’ll find their balance in their own moral choices, just like you, and I and Ben did. You should mind your own business.”

“So you won’t fight with us?” Poe asked.

“We’ll fight when the balance tips and there’s reason to fight,” Rey promised. “I don’t sense any unbalance in the force. I don’t sense any malicious intent in what Ventress is doing. She’s probably the wisest and most trained Force sensitive in existence right now, excepting maybe Ben, who’s had a similar experience. Why shouldn’t she take on students? She’s probably just lonely and wanting like-minded company. There’s no disturbance here. I don’t think you need to take any action.”

“You’re sure about that?” Finn asked.

Rey closed her eyes and searched with her feelings. “I’m sure. Everything is perfectly as it should be.”

“Umm, Rey,” Poe started. “I’m not sure it’s as perfect as you say. You’ve got a little situation going on...down there.” He pointed at Rey’s pants.

Rey looked down, her eyes wide. “Oh, wow. Ben, honey, I think my water just broke.”

Ben escorted Rey back to the cabin and contacted Soni to let her know things were underway.

Finn and Poe looked in at the doorway, and Rey shouted at them to get out. They milled around in the courtyard until the doula came and also shooed Ben out of the cabin too.

Ben paced back and forth, anguished by Rey’s screams.

“Hey, man, why don’t we move a bit further away, where you don’t have to hear?” Finn suggested.

Ben shook his head vigorously. “I need to be here, in case she needs healing,” he told them. “In case the baby needs it.”

Rey let out a howl and the doula told her to breathe. Ben threw himself against the door, but Finn and Poe pulled him back.

“You’ve got to just let her go through it, man,” Poe told him.

“I can’t,” Ben said. “I’ve got to do something to help her.”

“What’re you going to do?” Finn asked. “You can’t have it for her.”

“I can soothe her pain,” Ben determined. “I can ease her mind.” He pulled open the door and went inside, ignoring the doula’s protests. He took Rey by the hand and placed the other on her temple. “Shhh, now, Rey. I’ve got you,” he whispered. He stroked her hair, as she nuzzled wordlessly into his palm. He force healed the pain she felt.

“What did you do?” Soni snapped.

“I healed her,” Ben said.

“No,” Soni told him. “You stopped the contraction. Dangerous for baby. You stop now.”

Ben clenched his jaw. “I don’t want my wife in pain.”

“Pain is inevitable. You must suffer first, then comes joy.”

“That’s...easy...for...you...to say,” Rey puffed, another contraction coming on. Rey clung to Ben’s hand, squeezing it tight through the pain.

Ben stayed with Rey, fetching her water to sip, and providing as much comfort as the doula would allow him, while Rey fought through the labour.

After a while, Ben popped his head out of the cabin door and told Finn and Poe that they could leave if they wanted to as it could still be several more hours, but they insisted on staying on the island until the birth was over, though they agreed to move away from the hermitage to avoid the screaming.

Ben returned to Rey’s side. When it became time, Soni asked him to position himself behind Rey, holding her up as she scooted to the edge of the bed to bear down. Rey screamed through gritted teeth, clenching onto Ben’s hands as she pushed, but he held her firm.

“The head is born,” Soni told them. “On the next contraction, I want you to push with everything you have, Rey.”

Rey nodded, unable to speak, but she did as she was told, and soon the child was born. Soni immediately clipped the baby’s umbilical cord and lifted the baby to Rey’s chest and busied herself for the arrival of the afterbirth.

Rey stared down at the tiny creature upon her chest and marvelled.

“I win,” she whispered to Ben.

Ben kissed Rey’s sweaty brow and told her how proud he was of her.

Soon the whole proceedings of labour were over. Soni took the baby girl to swaddle in a blanket, and passed the child to Ben. She helped Rey get clean and changed the bed linens so that she could rest.

“So, what name did you decide on,” Soni asked Ben, as she took the baby out of his arms to pass back to Rey to try to feed her.

“Oh, no, I lost naming rights,” Ben said. “I bet we’d have a boy.”

“Her name’s Hannya,” Rey said sleepily.

The corner of Ben’s mouth lifted and he nodded serenely. “Yeah, okay. Hannya Solo. Dad would be real cocky about that.”

“It’s my choice,” Rey told him.

“It’s a good choice, sweetheart. I love it. I love you,” Ben told her.

Rey finished trying to feed the baby, with little success, but Soni told her that’s because she was only producing colostrum and her milk wouldn’t come in for a couple of days yet.

Soni left for a neighbouring cabin to take a break before she would come back and do some post-partum checks on Rey, before leaving to go back to Batuu. When Rey was settled, she asked Ben to call Finn and Poe back in.

The two men ambled tentatively into the cottage.

“I’m so glad you guys were here for this,” Rey told them. “It’s like having family around again like we were on the base before everyone went their separate ways.”

“We’re happy to be here, Rey. Could have done without the screaming and howling, but really glad to meet your little one,” Poe said, stroking the soft skin on the back of baby Hannya’s hand.

“She’s strong with the force, huh,” Finn observed. “I feel it.”

“She must be if even you can feel it,” Ben said sardonically.

“Ben,” chastised Rey. “Be nice.”

“Sorry,” Ben said, insincerely.

“You don’t respect me much, do you,” Finn said, squaring off. “Why is that?”

“Much? Try not at all,” Ben replied. “You’re not loyal and you’re weak.”

“Excuse me?” Finn replied. “You accuse me of not being loyal? Hypocrite, much?”

“Boys,” Rey snapped. “This is neither the time, nor the place.”

“No, Rey. It’s got to be said. When the war was over, these two abandoned you completely. They left to go about their own business, and they’re only here now because they want help, because they’re too weak to sort this Ventress out by themselves. They don’t have the power with the force, they don’t have the skills with a lightsaber and they don’t have the convictions of their faith as to how to proceed. They come here looking for guidance because they’re lost children playing at master, and they want you to show them the way. I’m not having it,” Ben fumed.

“Ben,” Rey cautioned.

“No. Rey, they should have seen your value from the start and asked you to lead them. They’re fumbling around trying to be politicians and peacekeepers, and that’s all well and good, but they don’t have in them what you do...a thousand year connection to both sides of the force. They want to know how to control the force sensitives that are springing up all over the place now? They should have thought about that before they let you go.”

“You’re right,” Finn said. “I got cocky. I thought I had all the training I needed. I obviously haven’t. I’m out of my depth. I want to control the force sensitives, but I don’t have the first clue as to know how. I need your help. I’m a big enough man to admit that. I need your help, Ben Solo.”

“Well you’re out of luck, because I don’t know how to control force sensitives either,” Ben admitted. “Snoke’s methods, the emperor’s methods were to kill them all. That’s how it’s been done historically from the dawn of time. Kill thine enemy.”

“That’s not true, Ben,” Rey said, yawning. “You and I know how to keep force sensitives in balance. You find a complementary pair and they help each other. We do it every day.”

“Are you suggesting I form an alliance with Ventress?” Finn asked. “That we train those force sensitive kids together? The woman tried to kill me!”

Rey shrugged. “Pfft. Ben tried to kill me for years. I tried to kill him harder. I’m tired. It could be a stupid idea. I don’t know. I think I need to rest now. I did just push a person out of me. Ben, can you please put her in the crib? Don’t forget, on her back.”

Ben took Hannya from Rey’s arms and placed her swaddled body in the crib that was positioned next to Rey’s bed.

“I actually think you might be onto something, Rey,” Poe told her. “We’ll think on it. Starting a new Jedi council with those from both the light and the dark side could be beneficial, providing we can reach some mutual ground. It will give a bit of diversity, which can’t be a bad thing if we can work together.”

“Let me know if you need a consultant to help you negotiate,” Rey told him. “But not for a while. I think I’m going to have my hands pretty full for a bit, with little missy here.”

Poe gave Rey a kiss on the cheek, as did Finn, and Ben walked them back to their ship.

“You really love her and want to take care of her, don’t you?” Finn commented to Ben.

“With my life,” Ben replied, giving a curt nod. “For the rest of my life.”

“We’re going to hold you to that,” Poe said.

“Yeah, not a problem,” Ben nodded. “Fly safe boys. Rey would want me to tell you that you’re always welcome.”

Finn and Poe nodded and then boarded their ship, taking off with a salute of a wave.

Ben returned to the cabin to find Rey and Hannya both fast asleep. He laid down next to Rey and drifted off himself.

***

Finn and Poe returned to Ahch-To two weeks later.

“I tried to talk to Ventress,” Finn said. “She wouldn’t agree to share the instruction of the younglings, but she did agree to one thing.”

“What’s that?” Rey asked, rocking Hannya in her arms.

“She said you could come and check up on the children, to make sure they were okay and not being “corrupted” or whatever. She trusted that you’d be impartial and fair.”

“I could do that for you guys if you want,” Rey said. “I’m sure Ben wouldn’t mind being primary carer for Hannya for a while. He dotes on her.”

“No, not you Rey,” Poe said. “She wants Ben to do it.”

“Me? Really? How do you guys feel about that?” Ben asked, taken aback.

“I think it’s a terrible idea,” Finn said.

“Me too,” Poe agreed. “But we’re asking you to do it anyway. We’re taking into account that you two say you can keep each other in line. We’ll give Ben the job, but Rey, you’ve got to take the job of keeping Ben on the straight and narrow.”

“Do it anyway,” Rey shrugged.

“You do realise I’m not going to insist that she teach purely the Jedi way, but that she can teach the next generation how to use both sides of the force,” Ben told Finn and Poe.

“Yeah, we figured.”

“So what do you expect me to do if I sense a kid veering to the dark side?” Ben asked. “You want me to report it so you can deal with it? Lock the kid away?”

“No. No punishment without crime,” Finn said. “We want you to mentor the kid. Bring them back to the light. We figure if anyone can, you can. You’ve got the experience having been through it yourself.”

“And how am I supposed to do that when I have a family to take care of,” Ben asked.

“Bring them here,” Finn suggested. “Bring them here and help them.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I have a baby here,” Ben steamed. “No fucking way. If they’re having trouble they should go back to their own fucking families. Half the bullshit Jedi and Sith stuff came out of taking kids away from their families in the first place. I won’t be a part of that. If a kid is getting corrupted by strangers, they need to have the support of their family.”

“That’s your take on it?” Finn asked.

“Yeah, that’s my take on it. Send them home. They could use communicators for advice or whatever, and I could visit them on their territory but that’s the best I can offer. I’m not having dark veering orphaned pubescent volatile force sensitives around MY fucking kid.”

“Understood. The more voices we have guiding these younglings the better,” Finn agreed. “If that’s all you can do, then I’ll take it, with thanks.”

“Never thought I’d be a mentor,” Ben frowned, then he chuckled and shook his head disbelievingly.

“Oh come on,” Rey said. “You wanted to teach me from the start, and you’re the best instructor I’ve ever had for lightsaber and using the force.”

“Yeah, that’s you, not younglings. What am I gonna do with younglings?” Ben said.

“You’re great with Hannya. I’m sure you’ll be great with slightly older younglings too. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who’s good with kids,” Rey said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Ben winked at her and smiled.

He turned to Finn. “I can’t believe you all want me to do this. Do you really trust me enough?” Ben asked, solemnly.

“Enough to give you a shot,” Finn said. “We’ll even pay you for your time. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. You can’t be any worse than letting Ventress run unchecked, so we’re all compromising. I guess that’s the way of the new galaxy, huh. There’s no black and white anymore. It’s all compromise and half-measures and…”

“Balance,” finished Rey. “It’s all balanced.”


	19. Epilogue

Rey held her infant son, Hannya perched next to her peering at his sleeping face. She extended a finger and poked his chubby cheek. “Be gentle, sweetheart,” Rey said. “He’s your brother. You must look after him and be kind.”

Rey looked up at Ben, who was standing across the room, admiring his little family, having just got off the communicator telling Finn, Rose and Poe about the newborn. In the corner Soni was packing up her case, having completed her health checks on the new baby boy.

“I’m so happy,” she cried, tears rolling down her face. “I’m so tired, but I’m so happy. Can you please take the kids while I rest?”

“Of course, my love,” Ben replied, gently lifting the baby out of Rey’s arms and kissing her gratefully. “You did great.”

A dawning of realisation crossed Rey’s face as she experienced the deja vu of the moment. “Ben,” Rey called just before he left the room. “Did you know?”

“Did I know what?” Ben asked.

“The vision, in the portal, in the World between Worlds? Is this what you intended when you chose to come back with me? Did you know this would happen? Did you make our family happen?”

“I hoped it would happen,” Ben said, “I wanted it desperately, but I didn’t know how to get to it, which is why I made a few questionable choices along the way, I suppose. I had hoped the cave of mirrors would show me the way, and at times I tried to force it as you know, but I guess the dark side couldn’t have shown me how to find such light and love in my life. So many times I thought it lost, but you always came through for me, always with love and compassion and patience. It was you that brought this about, Rey. It was never my doing.”

“This was never my intention,” Rey told him. “I just followed my instincts and took everything one day at a time.”

“Good instincts,” Ben smiled. “You’ve been a wonderful mother to Hannya and you will be to our boy too.”

“Do you know what you’re going to name our son yet?” Rey asked.

“I’m going to call him Dillon, after his mother,” Ben said.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Rey said, scrunching up her face. “That’s nothing like my name.”

“It means ray of hope,” Ben told her. “That’s what you gave me, Rey, hope, when I had no right to dream of it.”

Rey’s face crumpled. “You sentimental shit,” she sniffed, the tears of happiness falling down her face. “Don’t do that to me.”

“You don’t like it?” Ben asked.

“I love it if you do,” Rey replied. “Do you think it makes me vain though? To name my kid after myself? I don’t like the vanity of it.”

“Then we’ll pick something else. Having a second go at a name never hurt anyone,” Ben said, knowingly. “Did it?”

“No, Ben Solo, a name never did matter at all, only the character of the person who wielded it.” Rey said, smiling adoringly at him.

“This little guy is full of potential. He could be anything.”

“Then let’s not tie him to the past with a sentimental name,” Rey suggested. “Pick something new.”

“For now I’m just going to call him son,” Ben said, smiling happily. “We’ve got all the time and space we need to figure everything else out.”

THE END


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